Up to Discussions in Relationships and Marriage
525 Views 2 Replies Last post: Feb 23, 2012 7:47 PM by Katica RSS
Katica Community Member
Katica
15 posts since
Sep 2, 2010
Currently Being Moderated

Feb 22, 2012 5:35 PM

In need of resources..

Hello dear brothers and sisters,

My story is long but I will try to give the short version of it.

My husband is a pastor and we`ve been living in his country for almost 6 years now. It is in an international marriage. We have two beautiful kids and one on the way.

Our calling is to be missionaries and we`ve been aching to go on the mission field. However, we were told that we need to serve in his country for a while before they will consider sending us out. They haven`t told us how long we need to stay here or what they consider "good-enough" to send us out.

Things aren`t going well at our church. There are many problems and a ton of criticism from our members. Some of those complaints are true. We`ve had several people leave the church for various reasons and it`s been tearing us apart.

Although there isn`t much fighting in our home the general athmosphere is awful. We are depressed most of the time and I`m honestly concerned about the well-being of my unborn baby. The month before I found out I was pregnant I was close to getting an ulcer. Couldn`t eat, was stressed and dizzy all the time. Things aren`t much better now either. I lay awake at night thinking about the problems at church and wondering about what we are doing wrong/what`s going on.

My husband has days when he doesn`t even wake up. He just sleeps and doesn`t want to eat or drink anything. He gets angry for no apparent reason just because he is tense all the time.

Of course, our kids suffer from all of this. Our 5-year-old little boy is so negative all the time.

I believe we are experiencing burnout. We need help. However, in this country it`s almost impossible to get the emotional/mental/spiritual help you need. Especially if you are a pastor. You are supposed to have it all figured out you know?

English isn`t our first language but we do fine. Are there any books/articles/resources of pastoral burnout? We can get the English books here. Also, please PRAY for us. I cannot share with anyone (besides my family back home) what`s going on because it involved church members. And I hate gossip.

If you`ve read this far--THANK YOU.

God bless you all

Tags: faith_crisis
choose2care Community Member
choose2care
15 posts since
Dec 30, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
1. Feb 23, 2012 8:12 AM in response to: Katica
Re: In need of resources..

I think Focus on the Family will jump in at some point and offer for you to call their pastoral support line to speak with a counselor - all confidential.

 

It sounds like you could be experiencing anxiety, and your husband sounds like he's going through depression (but meet with a doctor to confirm this!!). Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer may help both of you, but you also may need more than just reading a book, one of both of you may benefit from counseling and/or medication.

 

If there's any bishop or "high up" in your church, get them involved now if you haven't already. You need support.

 

You also need to be able to seperate church life and family life (I know - so hard to do in the ministry! I am a young pastor's wife myself). There needs to be boundaries created if not already. I'd recommend the book Boundaries if you haven't already read it.

 

Keep your family at the upmost priority at this time. You and your husband will hold each other's hands when you are 80 - not any member from your church. While you are there to serve the people, your family needs to remain your top priority. My grandfather missed the birth of his last child because he was doing a pastoral visit! He knew she was going into hospital but put pastoral ministry above his family. Please don't do this.

 

All the best. You are in a hard place. Thinking of and praying for you.

Katica Community Member
Katica
15 posts since
Sep 2, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
2. Feb 23, 2012 8:03 PM in response to: choose2care
Re: In need of resources..

Thank you so much. I will check out the books you suggested. Unfortunately, I don`t think we can talk to Focus counselors because we are not in the US. As for counseling services in this country, I`m not sure. My husband isn`t a big fan of counseling anyway. That`s why I think our best choice is to read books on the subject.We have other pastors helping us but our issues are pretty big and they need time to be solved.

I do have anxiety. In fact, I`ve had an anxiety attack not long ago. Never been medicated for it though. It`s not so bad when our circumstances aren`t terrible but now..

I agree that we need to keep church and family life seperate but we haven`t been very good at it. My husband really does love us and we do things together as a family. We go out on his days off and spend the whole day together doing family (mostly kids oriented:) ) things together. That`s always　a blessing. But our family time is always overshadowed by our problems.

Thank you again.

More Like This

  • Retrieving data ...