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helloGod Community Member
helloGod
221 posts since
Feb 7, 2011
Currently Being Moderated

Feb 8, 2011 3:16 PM

Testimony of a Restored Marriage

I first want to say to all those that are hurting - I KNOW WHAT YOU   ARE GOING THROUGH and I am so completely in agreement of the pain  you're  experiencing.  I also know however that WITH JESUS he can heal  ALL  WOUNDS.  We may not be living the way WE want to in the present  moment  but God has a plan and it's perfect.  He's not a magician. We  don't get to pray and then POOF our problems magically disappear but He  WILL do  what He says he will. God says he will never forsake us and he  will help  us THROUGH our circumstances. Not over them. Not under them.  THROUGH  THEM. God wants us to cast our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). The  problem  is what we really want Him to do is hear our prayers and then  act on  them according to our timetable, our rules and our script.  God  is using  this time while our spouse is away to REFINE US.  He wants us  to TAKE  OUR EYES off of our spouse. To take our eyes OFF OUR  CIRCUMSTANCE and  have FAITH and TRUST HIM that He will do what he says  He will do.   Hebrews 11:1 says: Now faith is confidence in what we hope  for and  assurance about what we do not see. While we stand, while we  wait, we  don't SEE changes. We don't SEE God working but He is and  we're having  faith and believing and KNOWING that God is doing what He  says He will.   That's faith!

 

I prayed about retyping  this. I thought  for a moment maybe it wasn't meant for me to share it  after I lost it  when I timed out but I prayed about it and I am praying  that what I share, that with the blessing God has given me and wants to  give everyone that through Jesus,  I will touch someone and solidify  what God wants from us.  We, us,  people, we are like the ISRAELITES.   God deliverd them from slavery and  promised them safe arrival in THE  PROMISED LAND.  It was ONLY AN ELEVEN DAY JOURNEY.  Instead it took them  FORTY YEARS TO GET THERE! Why? They  grumbled! They complained! They  put everything else before God.  They  had just been delivered from  darkness and were still complaining about  what they didn't have because  things were not as they wanted.  So God  let them wander.  Isn't that  like us today? Blinded by sin wheather it's  pornography, gambling,  adultery, sexual immorality, greed, fornication,  lying, stealing,  drugs, disrespecting our spouses, not loving our  spouses, holding  grudges, not forgiving? My husband was in OBVIOUS sin  but I was a  sinner too, my sin was just hidden behind closed doors and I  didn't  even know it was sin!  I complained to anyone who woudl listen  about  what my spouse was doing. I was mad! I had resentment and  bitterness.   Let me tell you, unforgiveness is like CANCER it spreads  and what it  breeds will spiritually kill you.  My dad walked out on my  mom and she  is STILL bitter, still resentful and that was over 19 years  ago.  I was  headed down that same path, more consummed by what my spouse  was doing  to me then letting it all go and letting God heal me.  Let me  share.

 

In  2009 my husband just after our 15th anniv  had a VERBAL BLOW UP.  We  were having a minor disagreement and BAM out  of nowhere he let out an  explosive verbal assault on things I had never  heard from him before.   He didn't want to die an average man doing  average things.  WHAT? His  life was boring and he was sick of the  routine. WELL WHO ISN'T AT  TIMES? He noticed how I was more of a mother  than a wife. SAY WHAT? He  felt like something was missing and didn't  know what. I didn't know at  the time of this verbal assault (that lasted  3 hours) it was directed  at ME. He wasn't happy with me! He felt  average WITH ME.  He thought  something was missing and *I* couldn't fill  it.  I did not know that my  husband was already imagining having an  affair at this time. I didn't  know at this time that thoughts were  already in his head about pursuing  someone other than me.  An affair  starts IN THE MIND.  It starts slow  and builds. A person has lust in  their heart sometimes and it grows  until they act on it.  Some people  have had it growing from as far back  as their childhood, they may have  been sexually abused or grew up in a  home with pornography in a parent  or a family member.  Some people  like my spouse harbor unexpressed  feelings for years.

 

My  husband grew up in an  emotionally repressed home. His mother was  manipulative and vindictive  and he wasn't allowed to speak up/out  against things that bothered him.   I did not know this until now.  I  always thought my husband was laid  back and went with the flow. I  didn't know all the years we were married  that my husband craved an  emotionally SOUND environment free of  confrontation and belittlement  and that he craved affection (his mother  never expresses any even  now).  Combine that with me and my childhood  issues of having a father  emotionally distant to his family and a  mother, sister and brother who  was very sensitive and craving his  attention and often winding up on  the floor in a blubbering mess, I  vowed to NEVER be sensitive to ALWAYS  speak up and speak out and to SAY  WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID.  An explosion  waiting to happen right?

 

My  spouse (and a lot of our  spouses here) start building someone else up  in their minds.  That  person becomes ALL THAT THEY THINK WE ARE NOT (and  maybe we haven't  been.) I had grown to become resentful of my husband  the last 4-5  years.  He never defended me when his mother lashed out at  me or tried  to do something vindictive to me. I took him not speaking up  for me as a  sign of weakness which was what?  A flashback to my  childhood and NO  ONE was going to have me under their thumb so I started  believing in my  mind that my husband did not even DESERVE my respect.   God calls wives  to respect their husbands. (Ephesians 5:33) I didn't.  I  started  holding back affection too. I build up in my mind that since he   couldn't do what I wanted him to do then I wouldn't do what he wanted   me to do.  Oh how wrong was my thinking! My husband wasn't weak, he  just  never learned that expressing himself was HEALTHY and that some   confrontations are GOOD. He held everything inside until it manifested   outloud because God says what we think on we act and do.  My husband   started believing after 15 years and never so much as looking twice at   another woman that he couldn't get what he craved from me so he looked   elsewhere.  Once our spouses build someone else up in their minds, we   get torn down in their hearts and they believe that person is what they   need, want, deserve.

 

After a few months I found some   emails of my husband flirting with another woman online. She commented   on photos of his family saying "you have a beautiful family" and then   promptly sent him a link to photos of her on the beach!  I knew he had   never met the person but they were having some sort of online flirt   fest.  I was so hurt and wounded. My husband was mortified! We cried   together all day he was so upset he did what he did, I was so shocked   and I believed him when he said nothing had happened.  He even called   her on the phone in front of me and broke off all ties. I was relieved   and thought if this is our only down in 15 years I could live with it.

 

Well,   guess what? the thoughts were still there about him not being happy.   The enemy was still putting in his head that he could never find   happiness here with me so satan dropped someone else not much longer   that was also online.  This person was more than willing to be the  other  woman. I knew nothing. This affair was basically going on under  my  nose.  Oh the betrayal! I had no idea. I found out by accident of  course  and immediately said I wanted a divorce.  He denied it but I had  proof  and so eventually he relented and said yes he did. He looked  stuck but  didn't say he would stop which was fine with me, I wanted  out. I was so  mortified and so shocked I went the very next day to get  on anti-anxiety  meds.  I thought the tears would never stop. I also  went to see a  Christian counselor and she said "what if this one thing  was the worst  there is in all the years of marriage youv'e had?" I  thought about that  and told my H I would give him another chance and  forgive him. He said  "thank you but I'm still going to talk to this  other person."  WHAT?  Oh  my GOSH I'm wounded and bleeding here and I'm  telling you I will give  you a second chance and you throw that back at  me? Unbelievable. I was  dumbstruck. I couldn't believe it. We were  almost at 16 years now and He  was choosing the affair over his wife?  I  lashed out, begged, pleaded,  condemned, verbally abused and physically  lashed out at my husband for a  month! He was still in the house and I  would catch him texting this  person or going outside to text or chat  with. I couldn't take the  blatant disrespect. I could not believe who  my husband had turned into.  It was like Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde. I didn't  know him anymore it seemed.  Someone had taken him captive (and it was -  satan had taken him captive -  2 Timothy 2:26). I even asked him do you  still love me? He said yes but  I'm not IN love with you.  Ouch. Some  days he was in tears over what he was doing other times he was aloof  distand and arrogant almost. It was surreal to watch,

 

After a month of that, he left. He said "this isn't   working for me" and left.  I said "well of course it's not working,   you're still pursuing the affair!" and I physically lashed out again  for  one good measure.  Ticked off is not the word. I felt rejected and  treated  like garbage. I was obsessed with thinking of how I could get  even. I  figured out who the other person was and contemplated about  sending them  a nasty email. I wanted EVERYONE to know what had been  done to me and I  wanted him to feel HORRIBLE. I kept hearing a voice  saying "I'm not  done with you both yet." I didn't know at the time God  was trying to get  my attention but because I was so focused on being  revengeful and  focusing on what had occured, I didn't pay attention. I  didn't WANT to pay attention.  I started going online to the midlife   crisis forums and venting there about what was happening and found out   about Rejoice Ministries. I did not want to hear anything they said   either. I just wanted to make my husband pay for what he did to me.

 

About   this time my husband has moved out and I really almost had an  emotional  breakdown.  Everything he took with him left a gaping hole  where things  had once been. Our home did not feel like a home and our  kids were so  affected (another fuel to my anger) and hurt and sad. My  husbands  blinders were on so tight he wouldn't even talk to me about  their pain.  He was still very much a part of their lives but he would  not talk about  what was happening to them (the guilt was too  overwhelming to do so).  Emotions were off limits and he tried to  pretend that things would get  better with time.

 

At  this time I'm starting my stand. I  put my ring back on and I laid my  husband at the foot of the cross and  took my hands off him.  I knew God  would bring him home, not me or my  attempts to guilt him into waking  up. I was reading my bible and praying  throughout the day and even  praying and sharing with our children that  God would restore our family  and that they'd witness the power of  prayer. I went back to everyone I  had ever said anything negative to  about my spouse and told them to  pray for us and him and that God was  going to do a miracle.  I decided  to not listen to what the world says  which is "move on, you deserve  someone else, people can't change unless  they want to" and listen to  God and trust Him that He'd touch my husband  and heal him.

 

God  gave me so many signs to keep  standing. On rejoiceministries people  talk of seeing a COVENANT truck as  a sign of encouragemen to stand for  their covenant spouse. I looked up  the company and realized I'd never  see one as they dont travel through  my area.  It was about 2 weeks  later when I saw a red truck pulling a  long white trailer. I was  waiting to turn right at a corner and they  were turning left ever so  slowly. I was annoyed. I had to wait for this  longgggggggg Ford truck  to turn pulling this longggggggg white trailer.   When they finally got  fully around I pulled behind them at the light.  I  bursted out laughing  out loud, the back of the trailer was completely  bare with nothing on  it but the word COVENANT at the bottom. I just put  my hands up and  praised God for the sign.

 

Every time I  saw my spouse I  was hoping to see his ring back on. I never did.  He  was polite but  kept his distance when around me. I noticed new clothing,  a new style  of dress.  He often would not meet my eyes and would come  over and  leave so quickly at times. Other times he'd take 20 minutes to  get out  the door.  I always thought it was because he was thinking of  asking to  have something else to take out of the house. Now I know otherwise.

 

A   letter came in the mail - he had withdrew money from his 401k.  I was   LIVID! I wanted to pick up the phone and confront him because I didn't   know if we were going to divorce and that 401k money was partly mine   legally but God placed it on my heart TO BE STILL so I kept quiet.   Father's Day was coming. I didn't know what to do.  He had the kids for   the weekend so I prayed about giving him a card.  God gave me peace   about doing so and so I put his card in one of the kids overnight  bags.   He contacted me and said thank you for the card. I was shocked.   I was  going to church that Sunday and asked if he wanted to meet me  there with  the kids. He agreed.  DOUBLE SHOCKED.  He came to church  with the kids  and wow, when God wants to get a message to you he will  get it to you. The  sermon was on THE PRODIGAL SON and they speaker  spoke about how there  are so many prodigals out there. Children who  have left their homes to  run away and FATHERS & MOTHERS WHO HAVE  LEFT THEIR FAMILIES TO PURSUE SEXUAL  IMMORALITY.  WOW talk about an  uncomforable service! LOL my husband was  sitting next to me, we looked  like a happy family if you didn't know  what was going on but he was  fidgeting the entire time.

 

I  invited him over for 4th  of July. He declined and sent me a visitation  schedule for the month  and said maybe this would help make a smooth  transition so we'd have  less contact.  My heart sank. Because of the  kids we had a lot of  contact, now it seemed we would not.  I still knew  God would do what he  wanted to do.  Our 16th anniv came and the Holy  Spirit told me "get  him a card" I prayed for God to help me find the  perfect card and have  never looked so hard for one in all my life. I  think I visited 3  Hallmark stores and went to 2 different Targets and a  Papyrus! LOL I  finally found the "perfect card" and when I went to check-out, the  cashier read the card, I remember thinking "how RUDE!" and then  she  said "wow this is the perfect card!" Wow, thank you God for  confirming  that for me.

 

I sent him a text and asked if  he could  meet me in the parking lot of his apartment and gave him the  card.  He  had nothing for me but I had prayed that God would send 10  prodigals  home in lieu of my spouse haing something for me for our  anniversary.   About 20 min later he sent me a text and said Happy  Anniversary  <insert his pet name for me>. Thank you, I didn't  forget.  A week  later he asked me out.

 

It's been almost  7m now since  that date and slowly but surely things are coming out.  My  H often says  "I think back to last summer and I just shake my head." I  even asked  him once something he said that was particularly painful and  he said 'I  said that? When?"  It's like he doesn't even remember which  fortifies  what they say at RejoiceMinistries, satan is their mouthpiece  when  they're in sin.

 

My H as told me about 3 times a  week  (it was every day at first) "thank you for standing in the gap" and   "I'm so glad I'm home."  He said he had no peace and there was a   constant chatter in his head.  I asked him when did he know he should  be  at home and he said "as soon as I left but I was too prideful to  return  right away."  Just recently (and I might have shared this in  another  post) he said "I am so sorry I fell prey to the deceit of  believing what  I had with someone else I didn't have with you. It took  me hitting the  ground off the slippery slope to realize I already had  that x100." Wow.

 

God wants to speak to you. He won't  tell you  EVERYTHING because His ways are not our ways but He will give  you  insight. I remember when my spouse was gone, the Holy Spirit told  me,  "he will not return longing or craving or missing the other person  but  he will return full of guilt and shame." I almost fell out of my  chair  one day when my husband said out the blue, "I hope you know I'm  not  missing craving or longing to be with <name of other  person>.  And  oh boy did he have shame. I think the first 60 days he  sat around the  house like a deer in headlights. He looked shell  shocked. It was  heartbreaking to see.

 

I share this not  to brag, oh no.   Not at all. I pray no one feels that way. I share  this because I know  this is a testimony for others to gain strength  from and stand just the  way others testimonies have done for me.  My  testimony does not match  theirs and yours will not match mine. It will  be unique and different so  it will reach people who need to hear what  you went through.  I can  honestly say with all my heart I would go back to day one just to get where I am with God now. I was a Christian before but I was a baby Christian. I did not   know God's word, I did not really know what God could or would do. I  did  not know God would speak to me. I did not really know that God has  a  plan for me even in the midst of my pain and confusion. That he  would  work out all the kinks and straighten it all out. Not in my  timing and  not my way but in His way and his way is PERFECT.

 

For  I  know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to  prosper  you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  ...  Jeremiah 29:11

 

I pray this testimony will be a  blessing  to someone.  I leave you with my favorite scripture Proverbs  3:5-7 and a  prayer I prayed every day because I wanted God to fight  this battle for  me in the spiritual realm: Psalm 35

 

Also  Google  "marriage restoration prayers" there are many out there already  written  up that you can pray with your spouses name in them with  scripture.   Pray Hosea 2:6 over your spouses caught in the deception of  adultery.   Ask God to strengthen the hedge and to bound God's  commandments around  their neck and write it in their hearts. To watch  over them when they're  sleeping and guide them during the day. Trust  and know God is doing it.  He goes after his lost sheep and who is more  lost than a prodigal  spouse?

 

1 Peter 5:8 says: "Be  self-controlled and  alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a  roaring lion looking  for someone to devour." He wants to devor families  and marriages. Stand  alert! Put on the armour of God (Ephesians  6:10-18) over yourself, your  spouse and your children.

 

Blessings to all of you. Sorry this is so long.

Tags: infidelity, adultery, restored_marriage
Fil Community Member
Fil
3 posts since
Feb 9, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
1. Feb 10, 2011 6:32 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

thank you HELLOGOD and Hello. I am with you. I just wrote a similar almost identical story to your advice to others and I swear I had to keep looking back wondering if it was what I had just writtenl. Unfortunately, I not only timed out but was not signed in so I lost it all.

 

God Bless you...all the way to sharing one of the most valuable sites - rejoice ministries. I woudl not be here standing for 6 months yesterday when you wrote this if it were not fro God, my faith, my trust in His Will in His time an the rejoice ministry web site.  I am so sick of people giving out advice on how to move on with divorce,  finiding support groups for divorce , how to start again after a divorce....DIVORCE = 1 more for the enemy. When the church can un-marry me and when someone tells me GOd beleives in divorce, I may give it about a second fo thought but until then, thsi is marriage, these are our vwos.  My husband did exactly what yours did, 2 weeks before he was still the luckies man, the happiest man, had the best wife and best relationship with his wife, his best friend, his partner and then suddenly, he was bored with his life, he wasnt happy, he hadnt been in along time, he wanted to be single and bla bla bla..."uh, you cant just chagne your mind one day' this isnt a line up to get on the rollercoaster, thsi si the roller coaster. Scary but in a good way,exciting, soemtimes low and sometimes high but in the end...WOW, it was a great ride if you held on.

I was blind sided, my husband was better than me, cared about people more than me, and I am one of the most caring people you will ever meet but my husband was adored,respected, admired...and one day he forgot the say the OUR Father and was led into tempation. I am still praying for fim to be delivered against evil. I have turned to God for his mercy on my husbands soul because the enemy did this, eh didnt do this. he is worth the fight. I am patient, I am dealing with new things every day. I am challenged every day. My husband returns late an tnight to seleep on the coach and is asleept when I go to work. In 1 week I may actually hear his voice or see him for about 1-2 minutes  btu I know that God is workign in him. I know this will be a blessing for us when it is over, i know that this is not th good times, it is the bad, it is the sickness not the health, it is not the better but the worst so once this is all over, I will rejoice, we will rejoice and be glad. I already am because I have Jesus in my heart and I LOVE him to death and am grateful that he allowed this pain to come into my life so I coudl find him. I have had to turn away from most of my family and friends who are pretending to be catholics but choose to treat the relgion like a night at the mandarin.I dont care if people think I am an idiot, it they think he is takign avantage of me, I know that he is in Gods hands and they will see God when this is over..they will all see him and I will happy to bring them all to Christ.  I can;t wait forf my victory...thank you , I am so glad that I accdientaly got on thsi site and accidently clicked your post when I meant click on another. I will reread your post again another day as I may have missed some details but I was feelign alittle alone tongiht, feelign like "does no one fight for the men they married, is eveyrone so qucik to give up and let Satan take the people we love?  Marriage is till death do us part. Women need to stop plauying the vicitim "my husband had an affair, can you beleive it? please have pity on me" What about what we have done? how many men have we dressed sexy for? How many have we  flirted with and thought about and been so nice to because we wanted to feel desirable and needed some new attention from ?  I was one of those women. I think some of the woman out there need to re-look at themselves in the confessional mirror and see how many sins they, we, have committed? Every woman needs to read the fine print after every commandment and then tell me you are not willing to fight for the husband who another woman tempted... Eve is the one who was guilty..people have forgotten that. It is true, there are some very evil women out there..they are the ones that Satan is sending out to there to seduce our husbands to play on them and their insecurities...we need to build the "Hedge of THorns" aroudn our partners and then pray to God to help these women find their ways home, and way from the men that don't belong to them.

 

have a great evening and God Bless you!

vvbutterfly21 Community Member
vvbutterfly21
2 posts since
Feb 11, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
2. Feb 11, 2011 6:47 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

God Bless you HelloGod for the testimony you have shared with so many going though trials in their marriage, including my own. I had just posted my story when I saw your post and after praying for support and signs that I am doing the right thing with trying to save my marriage, God put your post right in front of me. It has just been over a month since my marriage hit a mountain of challenges. My husband were both gave our lives to God as children and grew up in church, my uncles are pastors and his father a leader in the church. When we met we were young and both had God at the bottoms of our lists. God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family who began praying for us immidatley and God moved fast in my life opening my eyes quickly to the big fault I had, not putting him first in my life and in our marriage. My husband says he is going to leave and wants a divorce but has not left. I know God made mountains and can move those mountains. I am struggling with patience and my fear of him leaving me, I am trying to let it all go and give it to God but the hurt sometimes overwhelms me. I pray constantly for peace, patience, and strength. I beleive he is the only one that can fully restore my heart and my marriage.

 

Know you have helped at least one person strengthen their faith, me.

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
221 posts since
Feb 7, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
3. Feb 12, 2011 3:09 PM in response to: Fil
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

FIL,

 

Praise the Lord for your standing and being obedient to God's word!  I'm so glad you're already aware of RMM  (rejoice marriage ministries) that is truly where the beacon of light  hit me and I believed God would do what I was reading about in the  Bible. So many scriptures stood out to me and encouraged me and helped  me on my way.  I also grew in Christ like I never have before and am SO  VERY THANKFUL that God allowed this to happen to bring us back to Him  and His will.  What I went through and what I imagine most standers go  through is like that scene in the movie, The Matrix when Orpheous asks  Neo "do you want to take the red pill or the blue pill?" One pill will  allow him to stay in the world naive to the realities of "The Matrix"  the other will peel off the blinders and reveal to him the true life he  should be living.  That's how I feel. I feel for years I was blinded by  THE WORLD.  Living as the WORLD lives and then this tradgedy happened,  this blessing of a tradgedy and I took the pill that led me to Christ's  light and removed me from darkness.  HALLELUJAH! I'm living in reality,  I'm not in dark! I can see! I thank God I'm no longer in darkness and  that God loved me so much he had a greater purpose for me, my husband,  our marriage and our family and for GENERATIONS TO COME that the pain I  experienced was for a greater purpose - TO LIVE FOR CHRIST! How can I be  mad at that?

 

Regarding people and their advice - some  people are very well meaning.  They don't want to see you hurting,  they're angry at the person who's caused us to hurt, they're wanting you  to do what they would do... they're of the world and that's what people  of the world does when one spouse does what our spouses are doing. They  kick their spouse out. They leave. They move on. They lash out. They  retaliate. They get revenge. They withdraw. They wallow.  They get  depressed. Some commit murder even or take their own lives.  ALL EXACTLY  WHAT THE ENEMY IS HOPING WILL HAPPEN but God says differently.  He  says, "let me honor your covenant" and He goes into battle for our  spouse living in sin and unaware of it. We draw closer to Him and He  leads us and comforts us.  Praise God for well meaning people but their  advice is not what God has planned. What God calls us to do looks  BIZARRE to the world.  I had someone tell me when my husband had moved  out and was in the midst of his adultery "don't let him use you that  way, don't let him know you're waiting." But doesn't Christ wait for us  with patience to turn from our sin and come back to Him?  Bob Steinkamp  on RMM says, "you're not being a doormat for your spouse, you're being a  doormat for Jesus." Wow how that spoke to me.  So I laid my emotions  down for God to work.  I literally went INTO A SPIRITUAL COCOON and had  to cut off people from the details.  I found someone to stand with me  (my mom) who I could share my hurts pains and fears with and I knew she  would keep me on track and not give me worldly advice. Then God led me  to three friends to open up to and they became prayer partners as well.   The people who wanted to be nosy and up to date on the nasty details, I  started weaning them out and just replying with "pray for us" and after  a while the questions stopped.  I realized NO ONE knew what was best  for me but God and so I took all my fears to him and laid them at His  feet. I knew He'd work in spite of them and he did.

 

I  had a friend who had recently been married 2 yrs prior to this  happening to me.  Shortly before I found out about my own spouses sin,  she found out her husband had been having an affair with his ex  girlfriend the entire two years they were married.  My advice to her?   KICK HIM OUT AND MOVE ON GIRL!  Wow. I was giving worldly advice.  When I  finally got ahold of what God wanted me to do, I had to GO BACK to her  and ask for forgiveness and share what I know realized about marriage.  About God's law and how His way is the only way.  I'm so thankful she  started standing for her marriage too and now they have reconciled and  are reading scripture together.  AMAZING!

 

Praise God  your husband is still home!  Pray over him every chance you get.  Pray  God removes him from darkness to light and that the veil of decit to be  torn.  Pray he has a Damascus Road experience, plead the blood of Jesus  over him.  Pray Hosea and that a hedge of thronbuses will keep him from  those that God does not want near him. Ask that only those through God's  divine appointment can reach him.  Ask God to soften his heart and to  tear down all strongholds in his life.

 

I pray God is  strengthening you and comforting you and that you are seeking God's face  and asking for His direction in every area of your life. He has a plan  for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Make sure you ask God  to show you any sins you need to repent of. I was amazed at what God  brought to light when I woudl pray that daily. Stuff from YEARS AGO  would come to mind, things I had totally forgotten.  I prayed God would  give me a pure and clean heart and that He would allow me to see and  hear things with my spiritual eyes and ears, not my wordly ones.  I  prayed for God to help me daily to forgive my husband and I had to  because daily it seemed there was something else to forgive but I knew  God was working.

 

Remember:  Mark 11:23 - "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw  yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes  that what he says will happen, it will be done for him."  I would walk around the house saying "to the circumstance of separation  and divorce i throw you into the sea!" "to the circumstance of a  hardened heart i throw you into the sea!" "infidelity, adultery, sexual  immorality, i throw you into the sea!"

 

Also, this: "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Luke 1:45

 

God  Bless! I pray for standers and prodigals often, you will be impressed  upon my heart as you stand for the healing of your marriage.  It's  already done! You're not fighting TO victory, you're fighting FROM it!  =D

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
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Feb 7, 2011
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4. Feb 12, 2011 3:18 PM in response to: vvbutterfly21
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

VVbutterfly,

 

Hallelujah!  I believe God is working overtime to bring people into His army - praise God you're being obedient to what He's telling you.  If you haven't found RMM (rejoiceministries.org) get on there, sign up for Charlyne Cares (the daily devotioals) they will be a real blessing to you.  Listen to her audios too.  There are 5min audios and 30 min audios.  I also love love love the questio and answer area because every question a stander can ask is there and they answer it.   Tomorrow she has a teleconference. Even though my marriage is being restored I will ALWAYS be a stander and I will be listening. She has such a gift for speaking and her bible studies just speak to everyone's hearts who listen.

 

You're right, God is the only one who can heal your marriage and the only one you want to! With God doing it, you can bet it's done right.  Lay your husband at the foot of the cross and trust and have faith that God will go to work.  I'd pray over him every chance I got, it's a blessing he's still at home where you can do so. Trust God is a God of restoration.

 

I'm sure there are many things that are confusing right now, remember this scripture: Jeremiah 33:3 - "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

 

You're fighting FROM victory - not to it!!!

Fil Community Member
Fil
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Feb 9, 2011
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5. Feb 14, 2011 7:54 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

Thank you so much for all of your advice. I appreciate people taht understand my Standing for my marriage and I especially appreciate people that have had their marriage restored. on Friday i was at a prayer meeting and we received individual blessings with 3 of the leaders laying their hands on us. I had not experienced this at thsi prayer meeting before and I was overwhelmed with peace and joy. I had had a horrible day and this was exactly what I needed. I believed the speaker that night when after he had prayed on us all annoucned the different healings and mentioned that 2 couples marriages were being healed. In my mind I thought, I feel this could be me. As I looked around at all the people gathered there, most people were with their spouses and the others seemed to be there for physical healing so I was happy and beleived one of those marraiges were mine. I got home close to Midnight and wondered if my any miracle my husband would be home early but I was not disappointed when he was not. I prayed some more when I got home, read some scripture, prayed the Divine Mercy, re-read Charlene's Daily Devotional from Thrusday called "lord, Revive my husbands heart" and then fell asleep praying the Rosary. I am catholic by the way.I feel so blessed but everyone who is available to us to inspire all of us huthing and turning to God. I hope to one day be able to write as well as you do, quoting scriptures and all. I am still new and learning all of this. I do have a question about something you said about praying over my husband every chance I get. how exactly do I do that? or , what does that mean? Does it mean, try to get clsoe enough to him and pray or just be in the same room or does it matter where I am? I only have one person that is very spiritual that I go to everyday, it is my GodMother, she is 65 and has been praying since she was 6. I am 40 years old and although God has always been a part of my life, I have never been where I am today which is totally in love with Jesus. Some times I just cry because I love him so much and am so grateful and I get frustrated that as I pray I feel like my heart is tryign to say so much but I have the most simple words that come out. I know he sees my heart and I tell him that all the time.

 

Can you please help me with how to pray over him. I used to do the Hedge of THorns eveyr night when the other woman was in his life for sure but then this past month I felt like she was gone only to hear that maybe she isnt. My husband loved being at home and laying on the coach and relaxing and watching Tv. On January 1st I felt that  he was on his way back to me and then somthign happened to bring him further away. Either it was the other woman or another woman but suddenly he wasnt comign home unti very late. A week woudl go by and I woudl be up late and he woudlnt come home until after 1 am and that is how it has been since. I have gone to healing masses, Healing of the family tree, I have more peace and am positive God is workign  at healing his heart but somethign is keeping him further away from our home and from me.  I will strat the Hedge of THorns again as I know he does not have the money to be out at bars or restaurants, he must be at someone's house. I guess I convinced myself he was working late, he has a limo company . it was easier to think that but I guess I need to pull out all the stops now.

 

Sorry to be so long, if you could just clarify the praying over him every chance I get , I woudl really appreciate it. Tomorrow  I am celebrating Valentines Day with the main man in my life, Jesus and I am not sad, I am rejoicing in the Faith that Jesus loves me and that all things are possible by trusting in him.

TessaFOTF Focus Employee
TessaFOTF
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6. Feb 15, 2011 3:20 PM in response to: Fil
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

What an encouraging thread! Thank you all for sharing your stories and being a blessing to one another. I hope you each had a special Valentine's Day.

 

helloGod, I'm glad you took the time to retype your message, and I'm sorry both you and Fil lost your posts recently. One technical thing we've found that may eliminate the software "timing out" in the middle of your response is to check the box "Remember me" when you log in with your username and password. See if that helps, ok?

 

I also wanted to offer a suggestion for "praying over" your husbands. Stormie Omartian's book The Power of a Praying Wife has great advice on praying through specific areas of a husband's life. There are pages of prayers you can recite that include related Scripture verses. You could pray these throughout the day, through the rooms in your house or in places where your husband sleeps, studies, etc. We also have a collection of articles on Spiritual Intimacy that may interest you.

 

I will join you in praying for the marriages represented here, and look forward to seeing how God moves our mountains.

 

Tessa

FOTF Moderator

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
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Feb 7, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
7. Feb 17, 2011 12:53 PM in response to: Fil
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

FIL,

 

God bless you. Don't worry about how "eloquent" you sound, just pray from your heart. God knows your heart. He knows EVERY HAIR ON YOUR HEAD! He knows you Also, here's a kicker. When I first started standing I did the same thing. I thought "oh boy I don't know how to pray where the words flow!" So my mom sent me this book: http://www.christianword.org/php/default.php?page_id=dp it's awesome! It's free too, just call or send them a letter and they'll send you one.

 

Also, if you look up marriage restoration prayers, you can find prayers where you can pray scripture with your spouses name in them.  There are a couple in the book too but I had about 10 I'd pray daily with our names in them.

 

Stormie's book is really good too, I try to do a prayer from there a day now but when my husband was gone I was focused on HIS SALVATION and leaning on God to turn him from darkness and the marriage restoration prayers really focus on that.  The red prayer book has great prayers as well about deception, strongholds, pretty much everything. My husband now prays out of that book and the beauty is the more you pray the more words pour into your spirit and you'll find yourself getting more comfy with praying. God will speak through you many times.

 

About praying over your husband - what a blessing he's still home.  Does he ever fall asleep on the couch where you can lightly touch him and pray over him? I do that now over my husband every night. I'd also do as suggested above, pray in your spouses room, in his closet, his office, touch a chair he sits in often, pray over it that when he's in those spaces the Holy Spirit would touch him and speak to him.

 

God's got your back, never forget that

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
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8. Feb 17, 2011 12:53 PM in response to: TessaFOTF
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage
Tessa thank you and than you for the recommendations.  I know I have a purpose in marriage ministry now and I will definitely look into those links
graceanne Community Member
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9. Apr 21, 2011 2:13 PM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage
hi. i have posted many posts and see so many similarities to my husbands behavior in your posts about your husband. i still donot know what truly is at the root of my marriage ending but i know God does. I am having to file as a result of my husband never repenting, never confessing, still blaming me for everything and ultimately, refusing to give money to me for our child and myself as i am not working (but still looking). I truly do believe in my heart of hearts it is a path of much darkness and he is repeating everything his parents did (approve of dating while separated although he wont admit that either.) I started this journey last mothers day weekend begging Psalm 25 - that God would reveal, rescue and deliver but form what I had no idea. Only knew my husband while wanting intimacy with me everyday had become cruel unkind (never paid my bills but always bought me nice things) and started treating me with a disrespect that went beyond just witholding money.. He began to drink more and literally blaming me for everything from his depleting savings, strained relations with mother and father (mother is similar to jezebel and i use that after much prayer over 8 months), his stress etc. I had just had our daughter and my head was spinning from his mothers assaults and his accusations and blame... he sent me back to atlanta (where im from) from dc (where we lived) to stay a few weeks so everyone could see our daughter and said if i found a job here he would relocate.. i look back seeing he was gone from the night i touched down in atlanta.. i truly was in a fog and could never get him on the phone.. i went back a few weeks later and he seemed to still want sex but i always wanted him but it felt cold.. i didnt know what any of this meant so i kept begging God to help, taking care of our daughter and we tried counseling but my husband insisted i come back to atlanta for follow up interviews and that was in july of 2010.. it got increasingly worse with his entire family verbally criticizing, ignoring our daughter (husband was telling them i wouldnt come home??) and took his daughter.. my head was spinning and i was trying to fend even female coworkers of his off as he would tell me everyone thought i was crazy and when i finally said - enough, i am coming home, he said no, you dont want to be here.. it got worse, lies but i never found anything out and just told God my job was to pray, confess repent raise our child but the more cruel he got the tougher i had to become - love must be tough - because i couldnot put our daughter in that environment and honestly, he was saying i couldnt come home and when he would say okay, id ask for a few ground rules - we come clean, share bank accounts, be transparent - he said no. he didnt want me gong thru bank statements and phone records... fast forward to him getting a vasectomy without even mentioning but telling the counselor a few hours earlier he would do anything at all costs for marriage.. it got sadder and sadder and as you said, i grew closer and closer to christ, seeing much of my blindness and confessing and repenting.. my husband would rant and rave for me to WAKE UP AND SEE THA TNOONE LOVED ME while telling everyone at his work and home that he loved me but i wouldnt come home and i went form begging and yelling and defending to saying i am sorry if i reacted in the same manner, telling him i loved him and wanted to fight for our marriage but i couldnot come home until it was safe and things were addressed. i worked with counselors to plan intensive sessions and he would agree to go back out then say if i didnt come home immediately he was filing... at this point, i had to file because he stopped providing money for us to live but ive been begging God to do miracles.. I see the insanity in my life and the attacks being straight from satan but I know nothing.. I went back to dc as my husband said i had so many day to get my things out and he didnt even want to see our daughter whom ive begged him to see the entire time.. he ran from me in our own home, head down and truly seemed afraid?? i get up 2 hours befre our daughter and have since last may 8th to read the word beg plead confess pray fro revelation plead blood petition promises and for secrets to be revealed - dan 2:20, jer 30:33 hosea john 17 over my family... and it gets worse and worse and worse. i fix my eyes on christ i praise for the healing he has given me as i truly now pray for my husbands salvation and pray for God to make the furnace hotter and keep me in longer if it will bring me more of the joy as i delight in him in the waiting and I KNOW THIS SOUNDS INSANE but my fear has often more times been that i would fear being delivered as i might stray from God... I know thats always possible but ive come to delight in him in a way that makes me thankful for all of this even in the pain but i still donot know what has occurred.. The greatest attacks have come on days where Ive begged God to break strongholds when ive called my husband and apologized to him in the midst of his cruel and heartless actions.. its then that satan starts truly taunting and saying i am crazy for even believing God to be telling me to pray for our marriage.. i had to sell my ring to get money for my daughter and i while my husband jets around the country - us open masters south beach LA to see family and golf galore.. he tells me that i need to get him the papers and then he will send money.. i finally had to for our well being and did this with much prayer because at the point that it became harmful to my child, i also have to be wise.. BUT I will sometimes get confused as to what voice i am hearing... i have no family and his mother controls all the men in her life, husband two sons and now the grandsons.. she wants nothing to do with me our my daughter since the one night my husband defended me.. she had a lockdown and basically made sure he felt the punishment for 2 months.. something happened then, he caved after those 2 amazing months where he was seeking God and he turned on me.. from then on, i donot know the paths he has gone down but i do see restoration for me and our daughter and ask for any advice.. Does God always want our marriages restored even at this level of abuse neglect? i on strong days see where the prayers i am praying to stay soft forgiving and reaching out to an entire family who do not know christ (husband did but appeared to also be a fraud in many areas until soon after marriage).. i have sent photos to his family of our daughter for a year and have gotten not one reply form his father since he left soon after her birth (they live in LA) and instead, they keep saying why they dont know her while i keep asking for help to save our marriage and say i will bring her to you... its all so sick and sad but every morning, our father shows me new mercy.. im clinging and praying but sometimes truly wonder if i am my biggest obstacle.. help..
sgeld Community Member
sgeld
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May 24, 2011
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10. Jun 6, 2011 6:47 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage
thank you so much for your encouraging testimony. I cried when I read it because I have felt many of the same things--the distance from my husband when he only wanted to discuss visitation schedules, anger vs. wanting to offer tenderness. My husband just divorced me and I am so conflicted over how to think about our relationshp/how to pray now that the divorce is final.  We both still attend the same church, the pastor and our small group leaders tried to talk to him. There has been no addiction, abuse, or infidelity. I felt that getting the final divorce papers was a release of obligation to seek restoration (I was the only one pushing for restoration), but at the same time I feel that marriage restoration might still be something worth seeking.  I think he feels that our weaknesses kept making us get back together and I feel that our weaknesses were what put barriers between us.  I think that I can see what attitudes of mine were wrong and I've admitted some of them to him--well actions and attitudes.  He has expressed one or two things, but I'm not sure if he sees a way to improve.  i think he would feel embarrassed to reunite since we had been separated before and he has said so many bad things about me to so many people.  I don't know what the bible says about restoration after divorce, but i understand the general christian community favors reuniting.  We both have christian counselors whose aim seems to be helping us be comfortable with moving on separately instead of healing and restoration.  I'm conflicted about this counseling so I've already made an appt. with a new counselor recommeded by the pastor.  I would love some advice on seeking God's will for relationship after divorce.  I am determined not to spend the rest of my life alone and I would rather not confuse things with another blended family situation with someone new.
LiquidSunshine Community Member
LiquidSunshine
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Jun 5, 2011
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11. Jun 6, 2011 9:18 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

*sobbing*  Thank you...

byGod'sgrace Community Member
byGod'sgrace
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Jun 3, 2011
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12. Jun 6, 2011 10:17 AM in response to: helloGod
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

dear hellogod-

your testimony was such an encouragement. I think I needed to stumble across that today.  My story is somewhat similiar, except that I was the one living in sin, but now I am standing and my husband is wanting to be done. We have been married 5 years and known each other for 8. We have had some wonderful times in our marriage, and lots of dreams for the future. We love each other very much.  2 years ago my parents marriage of 28 years ended. My mom had an affair, yet she never admitted to it, and divorced my dad and blamed everything on him. She then remarried 6 months later. She seemed so happy in her new marriage. It brought so much confusion to me, so many questions on whether i married the right guy etc... I had never dated anyone else before my husband. During this time and old friendship had come back into my life, and my husband never liked him, but i saw it as him controlling my friends and that there was nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex. We flirted and my husband could tell. One night i went over to my friends house, nothing happened, but it was starting to get emotional.  It did get emotional and we would see each other quite a bit, my husband knew that i would be gone and i would lie to his face. Even as im writing this i cant believe it. I did end up kissing this guy.  My husband did not know that, but said that he was done, completely distanced himself.  as a last resort i asked him to go to marrige counseling to see if there was anything worth saving in our marriage.  i ended it with this other guy.  I told him and everyone that nothing happened with this guy.  I was so devasted that i had never kissed anyone else that i didnt want him knowing and hurting.  We went through 6 months of intense counseling, and we renewd our vows on the beach last year with all our friends and family present.  During this time, my mom completely lost it, divorced her 2nd husband and went a little mental. I have not seen her in over a year. I think there was a lot of unforgivness and bitternes in my heart because she had controlled our lives so much. I turned completely away from God. We didnt really go to church and i had no personal relationship with him like i used too. We didnt really hang out with our group of godly christian friends and turned to this other group, were alot of them were single, heavy drinkers, heavy partyting and swearing etc. It seemed innocent at first. A couple months after renewing our vows, I was drunk one night and made out with my husbands friend.  his friends were adamant on my husband not finding out, because their wives would find out and that they like my hubby. I felt so guilty, but because it was so complicated with people.friends, i thought it best not to say anyhting. A few months later my younger single sister asked me to go on a 4 day cruise with her. My husband and i were doing well and i thought that it would be fine, and he was ok with it. Right before christmas we went, we met a group of guys that we hung out etc, when i got back home i was texting and talking excessively to one of them. I knew it was wrong but didnt stop. My husband knew about it too and couldnt believe it. One day I met up with this guy, with my sister at the coffee shop, my husband found out and swore and said that he was so done and out of here. I cried and begged him to stay with me and that i would get help.  I went immediately to my pastor and got plugged into counseling. I have been in counseling since january and learning alot about myself etc, but I feel as though my husband wasnt dealing with anything because we would fight and it would always go back to these previous instances. I also knew there was still this piece about kissing his friend that he didnt know about.  Just 2 weeks ago  he was talking about separation and thought it would be best so that we could both work on ourselves. I knew that I had to get everthing out in the open because i didnt want to be restored, and then have this other piece come out.  I was shaking and hyperventilating but i told him everything.  He told me to move out and he was so so angry. I was so devastated. We have been apart for almost 2 weeks now. I have found out that not only did he turn to these same single, partying friends- but now one of them is living in my home and having parties there etc. We are late twenties, and no children. Due to social networking sites its easy to see what my husband is doing, he listed himself as single, removed all pictures of me, removed all pictures of me from the house, and befriended a ton of girls. His bank records show that he is at the bar and drinking every night. He is still friends with all of the friends that were involved with that scenario with me. I have come clean to him and have told him that I want to get help and I want to reconcile. I am in counseling and he has talked to one of the ladies that is counseling me and told her that he is really done.  His family removed me from fb and that really hurt because I love all of them so much. I feel like he is turning to his friends who are telling him to just move on, he can do so much better, doesnt need this etc. In his mind he is single already. I went home one day and his ring was off. His behavior does not surprise me but it really discourages me.  We have so much potential and people know that we love each other.  I know he loves me, but I think he views himself as weak if he stays with me, because of what everyone will think.  He is putting up pictures of him with other women, and going to all his friends that he knows i dont like. It really hurts to see. He has alot of godly counsel and friends and pastors in his life but he is not turning to them.  I'm trying to get my relationship and life back with the Lord, because i know thats where i went wrong. I was in a rebellion and living in sin and never thought about the consequences.  I cant even believe how much i have hurt my husband. It kills me and the guilt is unbearable. It hurts more to be living in this nightmare without him and know that it was my fault. I love him so much and want nothing more than to have the family with him and the dreams we always talked about.

 

I feel so hopeless sometimes when I see the lifestyle he is choosing.  How will he deal with his anger and bitterness this way? How will he ever learn to trust me again? Everyone is telling me to just give space, which i am- but it seems like its just pushing us farther away. I feel like he will realize how well he can do and find someone much better than me who doesnt have my baggage.  But I'm praying that if he waits for me to become whole, then we can work on the restoration of our marriage. But right now he absoutely doesnt want it.  Do you have any advice or help? I wish that God would silence all of the negative that my husband is turning too, and speak hope and restoration and forgiveness, that he would just give me another chance even though i know that i do not deserve it.  I know that I can be whole in God and be that wife that my husband needs.  Your post had me in tears that God can do miracles and change hearts.  It would take that, and i feel like everyone is telling me there is no hope and to move on.  But i just cant.  I want so badly for God to use my husband and I as a testimony of forgiveness and restoration, especially to all of his unbelieving friends.

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
221 posts since
Feb 7, 2011
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13. Jun 6, 2011 7:17 PM in response to: byGod'sgrace
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage

Lindsey,

 

Your husband has a hardened heart right now.  He's been mortally wounded physically, emotionally, mentally.  Although he won't DIE, the kind of pain he's feeling feels like he is.  He's angry. He's resentful and he's feeling foolish. He's bitter and feeling contempt but most of all he's extremely hurt.  On top of all the other emotions, the pain is the worst and yes, society, friends, others will tell him to MOVE ON. They will tell him to FIND SOMEONE BETTER. They will mention HE DESERVES BETTER but God was there when you married and created the covenant with God and your spouse. He will still honor your covenant even if you were the one that was in sin at first.

 

Have you been to rejoiceministries.org?  There are many standers there who started off as the prodigal first.  Even though you never took your sin as far as sex with anyone else, you were still living a prodigal lifestyle.  You were the prodigal, your husband's heart hardened and now you can stand for your marriage.  Once you repent (that is turn away from your sinful actions) and ask for forgiveness, GOD FORGIVES.  He has cast your sin as far from the East as it is from the West.  You need to forgive your husband, his family, friends and stand.  I can't tell you how long it will take and I can't promise you there won't be more hurtful things in the natural that will happen but God will answer your prayers if He leads you to stand for your marriage.

 

Go to rejoiceministries.org and sign up for the Charlyne Cares devotionals.  Then go read all the RESTORED MARRIAGE testimonies. HUGE HUGE encouragement.  Then listen to the 5min and 30 min audios.

 

God is no respector of persons.  He will restore your marriage just like he restored mine if you allow Him. It won't be in your time but His and it won't be your way but His way. If you never had a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ before you will now and if you did at one time and strayed, you will draw closer to Him now than ever.  God has a plan.  You can have a beautiful testimony of a restored marriage to share with others who were/are in sin and realize their errors.  God can use what was meant to harm us for our good and for His glory!

helloGod Community Member
helloGod
221 posts since
Feb 7, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
14. Jun 6, 2011 7:17 PM in response to: graceanne
Re: Testimony of a Restored Marriage
Sgeld, I just now saw your post, sorry I never replied, how are you, how are things going? I'm hoping to hear a praise report! Graceanne, same for you, sorry I never saw your post - how are you doing? Let us know where you are and how I can pray for you both!
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