Still praying for God's intervention and guidance.  For months I had considered that there might be a psychiatric component to all of this.  I watched her behaviors closely.  I even went to great lengths to schedule her for a behavioral consult just to make sure that I was no overlooking a medical issue.  The moment I made this appointment, my heart sunk.  It didn't feel right.  Taking her to a secular psychiatrist would only add another layer of confusion to this mess...more reasons for her to excuse her choices.  This was not an easy decision...every parent wants the best for their kids and that includes medical care.  But, I had to sit back and really look at what she was doing.  Was her extreme rebellious behavior causing issues outside the home?  Was she well behaved in other social situations, family gatherings, school, her job?  YES!  In all of those situations, she was actually behaving just like I once knew her to be.  It was her time at home that became volatile, when she was under house rules, being told to do her chores, to be a contributing member of the family.  I needed another opinion...maybe a few.  It was unanimous...the feeling was that this was not a medical or psychiatric issue...this was a major rebellion issue. Rebellion that has fed into a life choice grounded in sin.  Granted, I am sure there are moments in her life that could have gone better, we all can say that.  But with those moments, she decided it was better to magnify all that was wrong instead of what is or could be right.  She forgot about her Savior.  She forgot where her saving grace was.  So, I canceled the appointment and I am now searching for a Christian Psychiatrist, locally.  I also have her spending time with our Pastor.  He is a great man who cares endlessly about his church family.  I think we are moving in the right direction.  I love my kids...I can't imagine ever giving up on them.  I know they will make choices that I won't always like...but right now, I still have a job to do.  God gave me two miracles of life, how could I ever give up on that? 

P.S.  Still praying for all of you out there who are experiencing the same challenges.  My hope is that one by one, we will be able to add one last post of answered prayer some day.  What an awesome thing it would be to see such great intervention and healing for us all.  Blessings!

Dear Andrew - That was a wonderfully thought out response and I want you to know that it was very meaningful to me.  I read it out loud to my husband and even he said that you are great writer.  I think he too was struck by your take on the expression of unconditional love.  I, like so many other parents are crawling on our bellies in the middle of a war zone just waiting for the next alarming shot to be fired.  We are all emotionally drained, feeling overwhelmed, and burdened with hurt and loss.  We are truly in the heat of the moment and it is often very hard to step outside of ourselves to look inward and get a different perspective of our situation. That is why this parenting community is so important...other parents coming together to share their stories and their pain...all with different levels of experience.  We can all learn so much from each other.  God is so good!  I know HE is in control, it will be HIS timing not mine.  Yet I am only human and I will continue to falter and make mistakes.  I am a work in progress!

Some good news to share...she has been spending some time with our Pastor and I do believe this has been spritually enlightening for her.  He continues to meet with her weekly, sharing the word of God with her, asking her very thoughtful questions, and praying with her.  We are so thankful for his help.

Here we are, more than a year since we discovered the secret that forever changed the dynamics of our family.  We are so far from what we used to be, what we knew as normal and comfortable and happy.  If I had to compare a family photo from then and now, it would show visable strain and sadness.  One of my greatest concerns is that this ordeal has taken over who we are.  My husband and I try so hard to "compartmentalize" our lives.  If we don't, there is no relief, no break in the madness.  Initially, I spent a lot of time crying.  Then I moved into anger.  Then mourning as if she were no longer here.  Now I am numb.  Now, I just want to get through the day without any explosive arguing.  Still her attitude toward her father is very disrespectful and the bond they once shared is very broken.  She bruises the relationship every chance she gets...always trying to make him look like a fool.

Our pastor would like to meet with her one last time.  She is unwilling to admit that her behavior comes with deep and serious spiritual consequences.  She is unwilling to see any of it as something she should be repenting of.  She justifies everything she says and does.  She has an answer for everything...even saying that she believes God brought this other girl into her life.  I was quick to rebutt that statement, but I could tell she wasn't buying.  I'm not sure what this last meeting really means or what impact it will have on her.  God has a plan and I wish I knew what it was.

I am sure every one of you in this community who have come to FOTF because of your child's sexual sin and brokenness can understand how you are getting lost in all of what is happening.  You end up kicking on the auto-pilot so you can keep pushing on, yet deep down you are hurting and the sadness you feel is so deep that even the thought of bringing it to the surface scares you.  You just want to scream out, "God, please let me wake up from this nightmare!  Why Lord?  Why is this happening?"  Somewhere in all of this there is a lesson to be learned...a lesson for me, my husband, my son, and yes even for my daughter.