Dear alseno,

You mentioned in different ways that your children are disrespectful, are disobedient, are ungrateful, are fighting frequently, and are robbing you of any peace.  Does anyone else experience this?  The answer is yes.

However, I hear it is the level of intensity,  the ongoing distress and other variables that prompted your posting.  This distraughtness didn't happen overnight.  Who has been helping you over the years?  Who gives you a break? Who has been undermining your authority?  Who is your Authority? Who is responsible for developing a plan?

Parenting is a complex role in this present culture. Finding a Christian Mentor to spend 30 to 40 minutes per week with a child communicates to that child that they have value, that their thoughts can be heard, and that someone is interested in their life.  The problem is getting someone to do it.

So to those of you reading this post, who are a Jesus Follower, and who have empathy for a hurting child, you may want consider asking the Lord about becoming a mentor.  It could involve as little time as  30 to 40 minutes per week by taking one child to breakfast, lunch or ice cream with the purpose of safe listening, drawing the child out, and affirming the child.  It involves being reliable, being consistent and reaching out in love.  There is a desperate need for you.  Alseno and many other parents are pleading  for your help.

Alseno, thank you for posting with FOTF about your feelings, your concerns and your needs.  I hope that your cry for help will prompt other believers to reach out to children who are also crying out help.  You can consult further if you like with a phone counselor at 1-800-232-6459 X7700  M-F 6:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. MST at the FOTF Counseling Department.

Submitted by Betty J., R.N., L.P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department

Hi msd~

     I'm so glad you took the time to hop on here for alseno. I know from personal experience that it can make all the difference to just have someone tell you they know where you're coming from! And, I'm sure there's other parents out there feeling overwhelmed by their families. But, I think you and suzehouse hit the nail on the head when you said that prayer is the real key here. There are definitely battles and emotions we just can't fight on our own. But, luckily, we have a Heavenly Father who is up to the task! In fact, we have an article that speaks directly to mothers and talks about how important it is to find some time on your own to spend with God. Sometimes I know that's easier said than done! But, I'll be praying that you and alseno will be able to find moments to refresh and renew your spirits. Thanks, again, for sharing your thoughts. Keep us posted on you're doing, OK?

Jessica

FOTF Moderator

Message was edited by: Moderator

Hi Alseno

I play mother and father to my children most times for the last few years since my husband took on a job that requires him to travel out of the country whenever the need arises.  He is usually away for 4 - 5 weeks and putting together the time he is home in a year will be approx 6/12 months.  It's a crucial time in my children's lives, my son is 17, daughter 16 & 13 another daughter.  I blew it so many many times as a mother but recently God has been convicting me. I know I have been stubborn in insisting I was always right and my kids were always wrong.  I know now that as a role model, my kids were not really seeing the "real thing" in me.  I was not practicing what I preached.  Now I learn to shut my mouth when needed and to listen more rather than speak or bark at them.  It only happened through the power of prayer and humbling myself to be taught by the Word of God and by reading material from Focus on the Family.  I also try to put more action in " i love you" rather than just the words.  I hope and pray you will really let God teach you through his word and really put into practice what you have read and learnt through Focus on the Family.   I understand how you feel and am praying for you too.