Dear joeshelpmeet,

Thank you for having the courage and insight to ask for feedback from other believers.  You sound like you really love your husband and that you would do anything for him.  He indicates that he is willing to go to counseling to address his issues with porn which is encouraging.                          

Expressing love and having a desire for intimacy is how God designed us.  In an effort to demonstrate your love for your husband, I hear you are willing to do whatever you feel he needs to get over his porn addiction.   Could it be that the size of your breasts are not the issue at all?

There is an issue, a painful issue, that your husband is medicating with porn.  It is not about you..  It is about his wounding.  His willingness to go to counseling could allow him to become aware of the wound, to feel the pain briefly, and to embrace what he believes about himself related thereto.   Once he feels the pain, even briefly, it will lose its power over him.   He will no longer be afraid he cannot handle it, because he did face it successfully. 

Christian counselor referrals can be accessed by calling the FOTF Counseling Department at 1-800-232-6459 X7700 M-F from 6:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. MST.   At this number you can receive referrals to local counselors and counselors who do Brief Intensive Therapy specializing in porn.

Resources which are appropriate include: HELP!  SOMEONE I KNOW HAS A PROBLEM WITH PORN by Jim Vigorito, NOTHING TO HIDE by Joann Condie, THE SEDUCTIVE LURE OF THE INTERNET by Joann Condie, FALSE INTIMACY by Harry Schaumburg and EXAMINING ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS by Arch Hart.  Another aspect to consider is how both of your backgrounds play out in your marital relationship.  HOW WE LOVE by Kay and Milan Yerkovich may be a valuable resource for you all to study together as well as SPIRITUAL WARFARE IN MARRIAGE by Bill Stonebraker.

Thank you for posting with us and for seeking Christ centered counsel.  You have been placed on our prayer list.

Submitted by Betty J., R.N., L.P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department

Dear joeshelpmeet,

Your question about whether or not it is OK for you to not be turned off completely sexually to your husband--" even after this..."  concerns me.  Your feelings are your feelings and there is no right or wrong. You are truly a free agent.  Christ died for your freedom.  I am wondering if you are so programmed to please your husband that you are no longer aware of what you desire or who you are.   Your user name "joeshelpmeet" may imply that this has become your identity.

Regarding the breast implants that you mentioned, there is a health risk to consider.  It is a type of surgery requiring recovery time which in some women has been extensive.  Again are the breasts really the issue?  This could be addressed in therapy.

You are to be affirmed for recognizing the need for marital counseling, and you are wise to begin there since your husband is willing. I hope you will read HOW WE LOVE by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, since it could really open your eyes and your husband's eyes to how you interact.  SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE by Robert McGee could set you free from any perceived fear of rejection.

I can hear that you are a precious person who loves the Lord and who loves your husband and  your family.  Jehovah Rapha is our Healer, and He desires to heal all of our woundedness.  Your family has been placed on our prayer list.  Thank you for trusting FOTF with your heartfelt concerns.

Submitted by Betty J., R.N., L.P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department