Dear Ninkies,

I want to start by saying how much we appreciate having you on our forum. I know many have been blessed by your insights and support, and we've been honored to be with you on your own journey through this difficult season in your life.

You have asked a good and important question about how you should pray at this point ~ how to know whether the Lord wants you to pray for reconciliation or for His help in "moving on." I'm sure there are many others who have wrestled with the same uncertainty, and I hope you will receive some helpful perspectives here.

In the meantime, have you considered joining a Christian divorce recovery group, such as DivorceCare? A group setting might give you an opportunity to meet face-to-face with others who have similar needs and concerns. It sounds like you are truly seeking God's will in this, and I wonder if your pastor could counsel you, as well.

Bless you, dear friend. May the Lord's faithfulness be very real to you as you trust Him to guide you.

Ann

FOTF Moderator

Ninkies,

You have been kind about replying to my posts before.  You have seen my back and forth struggle with the same dilemma.  I am attending the Divorce Care meetings in my area.  I have shared with the pastor there my journey of things I feel like God is saying to me about "waiting" for my husband and for Him to move in my life..  He supported my belief to not pursue a divorce. While I am in this season, I need to continue to move on in the other aspects of my life. I need to  continue to grow closer to my Savior and to find happiness no matter my circumstances.  God has put many people in my life who have helped me on this journey.  It is strange how a person can be both sad but joyful all at the same time. Believe me,  when I look at the" seen" circumstances of my life it doesn't make any sense. When I think I need to "move on" and end the pain, something continues to bring me back to "waiting".  I have been told my many that it is God's will to restore a broken marriage.  My pastor has also told me to continue to listen for that small voice and "obey.  That is where I am today.  I will obey what I feel God wants for my marriage.  He knows that I do not want my old self centered marriage.  I want a different  godly marriage .  I want to be the godly wife I should have been before my life came crashing in. (I also want a husband that will love the Lord as I do, and will want to serve Him together) I too wonder if it is fear that keeps me here, but I feel peace here.  I do not feel that peace when I consider divorcing.  I know that divorce may still happen due to my husband's will.  I will cross that bridge when and if I need to.  My pastor told me when you need direction "Ask the Lord to give you a word"   If you do not hear one, ask again.  Continue to ask.  I have never really "listened " for the Holy Spirit before this.  It is amazing what  I  have heard.  I know it is Him speaking to me because words I would not use come to me.  I then will see these same words again in scriptures I read afterward.   You have had a lot of great insight on my issues in the past. and have helped many here.   I believe God speaks to you to help others.. I also  believe God is giving you direction in your own life.  Continue to seek His face.  God Bless you,  Chipfishing

Definitely keep praying and keep listening! God will give an answer. I held on to my marriage because I didn't feel the time was right to do anything else. My husband (yes, still my husband at this point), was cheating, lying, verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my 2 children for 24 years. I finally asked God that if I went ahead and pursued a divorce because I couldn't take it anymore and my 16 year old couldn't stand to see me unhappy, if He would close the door I would know it is not what I need to be doing.  I don't understand it, but I felt at peace with my decision to go ahead with a divorce. I know I will definitely not reconcile with my husband due to the abuse and too many years of being lied to and cheated on. I held out hope and wanted my children to see a marriage that could overcome the odds, but I am still able to stand strong in Christ. My children are seeing that!  I have to answer for the decision I have made, but at this point it is ok. I will continue to lean on those everlasting arms and listen.

If and when the time is right for you to make a decision, then you will know that you have made the right decision for you and your family. God will close doors and open them. Sometimes you have to put aside what others are telling you and trust what you know is the right thing to do.

Ninkies~

I am sorry you have had to endure this pain in your life.  A counselor here at Focus on the Family told me that "we all fall in to the mud in our lives sometime. But my husband (and yours), are choosing to live in it.   If our husbands are going to continue to live there, God loves us enough to know we can not be dragged in to all the circumstances that come with living there. That is why I believe he will release us from them.

My pastor also told me that God wants Plan A (our marriage ) to be restored.  But if our spouses free will and sin prevent this, we will get God's Plan B which will be far better the Plan A would have been.  I hope this encourages you. I know I will never be the same because of this journey.You will have a much better life because of all He has perfected in you..  Your former husband will  not have a life of peace and joy and probably will continue to run  when things get tough. I pray he finds his Savior so he finds his way.  Hell isn't a place I would ever want to see someone go.   God will bless your life greatly for following and serving Him.  I have prayed for you to have peace in this time and that God will show you what's next for you.  God Bless,  Chipfishing

Ninkies~

I always thought my husband was I Christian.  My pastor, counselors, and others do not know his heart, although all of them told me. " Could a Christian do the things he is doing? "  I suppose one could be lead so far away they they fall into such deception.  I too do not know how you can believe a lie when you know the truth.  Is it like the parable of seed sown on rock, in weed, or in the soil?  What happens to a person who has heard The Word and then turns away.  I ran to my Savior when my life came apart..  My husband ran to the arms of a married woman. Someone also said that even satan knows the Lord, but that does not mean they will follow Him.  I worry about my husbands eternity.  I pray for his soul and that he seeks his Saviors face.  Without that my girls will have more sadness as their father continues to go down this self destructive path.  Could I do the things he is doing?  No.  I feel so sad that my marriage is dying this slow death. I continue to put my hope in the Lord, not my husband.  Your former husband , claims this title of" found Jesus", but what do his actions show? There is no "fruit" in his life.  Pray this woman has protection during his time. Listen to Joyce Meyers broadcasts the past 2 days.  It is about our transformation as Christians from being a "baby" to a "mature" Christian.  I found it encouraging. God Bless you,  Chipfishing