Up to Discussions in Relationship Challenges
This thread is archived
88,919 Views 462 Replies Last post: Jul 31, 2009 3:28 PM by AnnFOTF RSS Branched from an earlier thread. Branched to a new thread. 1 2 3 ... 31 Previous Next
tc08 Community Member
tc08
540 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated

Apr 23, 2009 4:50 PM

Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear Stillhopeful,

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement regarding the conversation with my mom.  Some days it is hard enough to struggle through all the confusing and negative thoughts I manufacture on my own and submit those to God, without having more negativity and doubts added.  Obviously, I know my marriage is a complete shambles and my husband, as he is right now, is unloving, often says unkind things, is consumed by selfishness and has rejected me.  So far I seem able to remember that we had good things about our marriage and believe that God can restore the good and re-make the bad into something better.  You mentioned a few days ago that when you made a list of your husband's positive qualities for Love Dare, mostly you had to look back a year for that list other than a few physical characteristics.  But I see frequently in your posts that you still love your husband and between memories and glimpses of the old person, you very much continue to desire both a physical and emotional marriage with him.  I feel the same about my husband.  When I answer the phone, just the sound of his voice makes me happy for a moment, followed by a profound saddness as I remember that a to-the-point phone call is all I'm going to get.  I'm finding it is very hard to stop wanting to share things with him, laugh with him, hold him, etc.  If I display sadness for those things, my family sees it as some sort of sign that I'm an abused woman because, even though I know he is cheating, I still yearn for him. I took out LMBT last night and was flipping through it and page 144 which starts with "endless stories could be told of how God honored the perseverance of abused and ignored partners as they refused to give up" was a helpful reminder to me that the perspective on this post is the right one.

 

I am glad your baby has begun sleeping through the night.  You are very strong  to have gone through these months alone with an infant and three other children.  It must be difficult when your son asks about his dad - the tent remark had to hurt.  I'm sure the children are also a source of joy and purpose in your life right now as well.  I appreciated the lesson from the bedtime storybook on Monday.

 

I have been praying that God is especially close to you this week as you face the uncertainty of your husband being away.  It is too bad he won't make it back over the weekend with the car problem.  I continue to pray for the Holy Spirit to reach out to your husband and pull him back into a Christ centered relationship and that God will put a hedge of protection around him and keep him from any relationships that are ungodly in this new living/working situation.  You mentioned early on that your family were not Christians and I have continued to pray for them along with the husbands and other relatives for whom we are praying salvation.  It must be awkward talking to your  non-Christian family  about the behavior they are seeing displayed in your Christian husband.  I hope the counselor is helpful.

 

Dear KA,

 

Thank you for posting the prayer.  I am glad you were able to find a little extra time to come on the post and update us on your situation.  How is your sister-in-law doing?  I continue to pray for that whole family.  I hope your mother-in-law has been a bit more willing to stand for right than she was at one point.

 

You asked about the house.  I put them off on Friday and said I had not yet made a decision (wished it would sell over the weekend, but it did not).  Yesterday I got an e-mail from my realtor that it is still available and asking do I want to proceed. I have not yet responded, but I plan to tell her no.  That first time they called back I felt strongly led to say no.  I have since doubted that at moments (based on what my mom said which I posted yesterday, and on the fact another friend sees them calling as itself a sign from God to go forward).  But I've given it a great deal of thought and I really do believe I was led to say no that initial time based on scriptures jumping out at me as my "answer" and the peace that followed with that decsion.  This most recent time when it came up last week, I prayed and read and never have felt any response from God either direction.  I was listening to a Charles Stanley sermon on his web site (all your mentions of Charles Stanley got me to take a look) called "When God is Silent" and it said sometimes God is silent if we have unconfessed sin.  But if you have confessed your sin and he is still Silent, sometimes he is working behind the scenes and will do something amazing, sometimes he is teaching us to trust him or seek him, sometimes he is God and we have to respect his right to be silent.  He suggested staying where you are until you know you hear his voice and to keep praying about the issue.  That is my plan at the moment.  A house is just way too big an issue to move on based on various humans giving me their opinion on something I think God already told me not to do.

 

Dear Emadiane,

 

Your prayers are very much appreciated.  Thank you for sharing more about your situation with us.  I will continue to pray that you are able to move forward in reconciliation with your husband and come to a point where he is faithful to your marriage.

 

Dear KitKat3and2,

 

How are you doing?  I pray this week is going a little better for you than the end of last week.

 

Message was edited by: Moderator

Tags: crisis, divorce, reconciliation, sexual_infidelity, hurt, counseling, faithful, cheat
stillhopeful Community Member
stillhopeful
519 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
1. Apr 22, 2009 5:30 PM in response to: tc08
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear tc08,

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. Today was my birthday (32!!!)- only the second time I have spent my birthday apart from my husband in 13.5 years However, between a little schooling, a dentist appointment (!), having lunch with my parents, and the two older kids making me a whole load of stuff , we had a nice day. My husband called to say goodnight to the kids and at least remembered to say "happy birthday" to me, so that was better than nothing. He was on his way out to dinner with colleagues- nice for some!

 

I really related to what you said about the love you still feel for your husband- despite all the hurt, rejection and, at times, anger I have felt towards my husband, I still love him and want him to return. I was glad you quoted that bit from P. 144 of LMBT- we may seem crazy to people looking on sometimes, but that doesn't mean our attempts to be patient and persevere are wrong. I will pray for your continued strength and faith

 

I also benefitted from reading what you said to KA about the house, and waiting to make a decision when you are unsure of God's will. I feel unsure again as to how I should be relating to my husband at the moment, when the other relationship is over, but he is 'stuck', apparently depressed, making demands of me but taking no responsibilty (other than financial) and still wants (or acts as if he wants) to be the head of our family. I am going to talk to the counselor about these things when I see her on Tuesday.

 

Dear Bryce,

 

I am glad you have been so open on here and that you are 'self aware' enough to identify suicidal thoughts as being only from the evil one. Remember to take those thoughts captive to Christ if they return again. I feel I am not qualified to offer advice on the whole LMBT/ Love Dare dilemma, as I am just as confused about how I should be acting just now, with my husband's other relationship over, but him being unwilling to even try to work on our marriage. I will pray for wisdom for us both!!!

 

Dear emadiane,

 

I'm sorry your husband is not totally willing to accept how much you are hurting and need help. It sounds to me (guessing, obviously) that he will be feeling guilty and not want to hear fully how much pain he has caused you. I thought Bryce's suggestion of counseling was a good one and I will pray that your husband's heart will be softened

 

Dear kitkat3and2,

 

Praying for strength and hope in Jesus for you

 

stillhopeful.

tc08 Community Member
tc08
540 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
2. Apr 22, 2009 6:48 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear Stillhopeful,

 

I know you won't see this until tomorrow but Happy (belated) Birthday!  I am glad your kids and parents gave you some attention.  I am sure not having your husband with you made this an extremely hard day - and you did not need to hear about his dinner plans.  I pray this will be a much better year for you than the last.  I will also be praying that you find God's guidance in how to relate to your husband during this period.

 

Job 23:10, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, James 1:2-4, Habakkuk 3:18-19, Numbers 6:24-26

emadiane Community Member
emadiane
80 posts since
Apr 15, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
3. Apr 22, 2009 9:31 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Happy Birthday! Thank you for your prayers. I went to church tonight and it was nice to have new people to pray for from this site. I feel like you guys are the only ones who really understand and don't judge. My husband is guilty and I do think that that is why he doesn't want to hear how I feel because he caused it. But I feel so out of place. I feel like he's placed me beneath him, and I never have felt this way before. He doesn't seem to want to reach out to me anymore. He used to be very caring and loving towards me and now I'm lucky if he hugs me goodbye before work. I feel very alone and I don't know if he's still in love with me. I know that everyone on this site hurts in different ways I just hope we all find peace and always have faith. EmaDiane

kitkat3and2 Community Member
kitkat3and2
69 posts since
Apr 6, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
4. Apr 23, 2009 10:57 AM in response to: emadiane
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Stillhopeful:   A belated Happy Birthday!  I know it must have been hard recalling past birthdays with your husband.  I pray that this year you be blessed and things do get better.

 

All of you - thank you for your prayers.  I am trying to be strong.  I have these obsessive thoughts replay over and over in my mind.  I actually have to yell at myself to "shut up!"  I want so much to believe that God is healing me.  I just have difficulty still trying to connect with him.  God is so busy with big problems, how can he help me?  And apparently if He is, His answer to my prayers was No!  You will not be going back into that relationship.  I can only pray that He has something / someone / plans that are much better for my future.  Unfortunately, this doesn't stop the pain.  But, I did not cry on Tuesday - first day in over three months!!

 

I continue to ask God's blessings over each and every one of each night.  And I thank you again for remembering me.

tc08 Community Member
tc08
540 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
5. Apr 23, 2009 3:58 PM in response to: kitkat3and2
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear EmaDiane,

 

I am sorry you are feeling alone.  This is all relatively recent so your husband probably is processing a lot of guilt over what he did.  I don't know if the relationship was limited to physical or if it was an ongoing emotional relationship as well, but if emotional, he may be feeling some grief over the loss of the OW.  I know that hurts, but supposedly it is part of the process with an emotional affair.  Is your husband spending any time in God's word or with other Christians?  He may need someone he can talk to about this other than you.  It would be good if you could get him to see a counselor or if your church has any sort of mentoring program, maybe a male mentor would be a helpful.  It would give him a place to talk and, maybe if he did that, he'd begin to heal and be more available to you emotionally.  It would also give him someone acting as an accountability partner which would help you to feel less worried over what he is doing.  I will continue to pray for you.

 

Dear Kitkat3and2,

 

You probably can't see this right now and may not for a long time, but if the relationship is over, it is kind of God to tell you that.  I realize it feels anything but kind, but it will help you to grieve, heal and move forward faster.  In the past 3 months you have learned that being stuck in the middle with no knowlege is a very difficult and frightening place to live.  I am glad you made it through a day without crying.

 

Here are a couple verses on controlling our thoughts:  Isaiah 26:3-6; Psalm 139:1-2 and 23; 2 Corinthians 10:3-5; 2 Corinthians 11:1-3; 1 John 4:4; John 8:43-45; Romans 7:21-23; Romans 8:1 and 6.  I was actually doing a Bible study on this topic this week.  It pictures us in a prison cell with the door of the cell as our "thoughts" because we have put ourself in the cell.  The cell is wall-papered with Satan's lies.  We are bowed down on the floor.  First - we recognize our captor but identifying the "lies" we are telling ourself (God doesn't love me, I deserved this treatment, God isn't big enough to get me through this unknown future, etc etc).  Second we stand in agreement with God by confessing that believing the lie is a sin.  We are now standing up in our cell.  Third we tear down the lies wallpapering our cell by stating the truth that Satan does not have the power to leave us in this cell (Satan is a liar) - quote scripture that states the truth (For God so loved the world - he loves me; God is all powerful - he can get me through this, etc).  At this point imagine the door to the cell has swung open. Fourth, imagine yourself outside the cell with those lies locked inside and the door is now guarded by the cross of Christ between you and the door.  Don't know if this makes sense in this quick paragraph or not.  I will be praying for you this evening.

 

Message was edited by: moderator

stillhopeful Community Member
stillhopeful
519 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
6. Apr 23, 2009 4:13 PM in response to: kitkat3and2
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear tc08,

 

Thank you for your post and especially for the scriptures you posted- I must note them down and look over them again Today was OK in the 'busy-ness' of everyday things, but as my husband did not phone to say goodnight to the kids, my son insisted on calling him (I had tried to persuade him to wait 'til tomorrow). He spoke briefly to the older two, then I got them to hang up without me speaking to him. However, he then called after they had gone to bed to 'mention' some financial things, and to say that he has seen a house he wants to make an offer for, so I am "not to be worried" when I see mortgage quotes coming in the mail I can't believe he is even considering buying a house in his current state of mind, and how any company will give him a mortgage is hard for me to see, since he does not intend the kids and me to move and sell this house, so he would be paying two mortgages, on a medium-range income. I was so annoyed and upset I just gave one-word answers to the rest of what he said, then said "well, we'll speak to you another time" and hung up!!! Probably not the best reaction, but I can't believe he's taking such 'permanent' steps when he regularly says "I don't know what I want", "I don't know what I think about anything anymore", etc. I am trying as much as is possible not to contact him unless he contacts me. Sorry for moaning!

 

Dear emadiane,

 

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I feel the same way about my husband's rejection of me- until a year ago, he was the sweetest, most attentive, caring husband, and now I apparently mean nothing to him I will pray tonight that your husband soon starts to deal with the guilt and to realise what you are going through and how he can help you.

 

Dear kitkat3and2,

 

Thank you for your prayers In respnse to what you said about God being busy with big problems, I wanted to post these bible verses, hopefully to encourage you: Matthew 10:29-31, Luke 12:6-7, Ephesians 6:18, Philippians 4:6, 1 John 5:14-15, Psalm 8:3-5. Also remember He also answers "wait" as well as "yes" and "no", and like you said, although it doesn't stop the pain, He does have good plans for your future: Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:27-28, Psalm 33:11.

 

Take care,

 

stillhopeful.

 

P.S. Just came across Proverbs 16:9 as I was looking for the above verses, so there's one to remind me that my husband's plans are not what will 'determine his steps'

 

Message was edited by: moderator

inhisname Community Member
inhisname
114 posts since
Apr 2, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
7. Apr 23, 2009 9:21 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Happy Belated birthday, Stillhopefull! I am so sorry that it was a difficult one but I am going to pray that this year will bring good things.

 

My heart goes out to each and every one of you who has been hurting so much. I want to thank everyone who has been posting scripture and also helping to strengthen all of us through the Word of God and your kind support. I only hope and pray that I can be as much of a strength and support as you have all been to me. Although I have not been on here as much, I feel like I know you all and can identify will all of you. KitKat3and2, I have been feeling similar feelings to the ones you talked about--where I wonder how God would have time for my insignificant problems when their are people suffering with greater things out there. I don't doubt God one bit, but I have these little moments of weakness. He does have big plans for us, this pain will not be forever.

 

My story is mostly posted in the thread "is my marriage hopeless?" I wrote that title, and a month later, I do not have that same question anymore. I truly do not believe it is hopeless. Nothing is hopeless. God has given me incredible strength to keep moving forward however, I am worried that I am loosing my fire for this marriage. I started off on fire and very determined to do whatever it takes to save everything but now I am often times feeling defeated, and almost numb. I shouldn't say that-I am still crying every single night when I have to go to my empty bed, or when I remember the good times... It's just a tough road and I fear that without my 'fire' and determination--and my praying it will all just fall apart. Monday we had a fight--but I praised God for it after it was over. It WAS progress. Before that happened, I was praying that he would open up communication between us--but not small talk-- that we would discuss our marriage. I wasn't quite expecting that the minute I got home we were going to fight about our situation but I felt progress was made. There were plenty of tears, but I was still able to keep strong and tell him what needs to happen before we can reconcile. Just the fact that my husband cannot decide whether to work things out with me or go is SO hurtful. I am still happy that even tho I got no answers, I got dialog from him. He usually just shuts down. He told me if we worked things out, I will always hold this against him. This is his assumption (meanwhile, I have already forgiven him for this terrible thing.) He is still hung up on the fact that people in my life were confided and know about what he did. I am hurt that he is making excuses for why it can't work and these excuses are lame! I feel like I am worth nothing to him. He says he does not want to waste my time but he totally is. I am dying inside because I wish I could have a baby someday, my time is running out, it hurts more than anything to think that he can take my dreams of having a family away too and will I ever have that?

 

Since then, he's just being nice, working dilligently on our house and acting as if he is a friend of mine. I don't get it. I don't know how to handle all of this. I am continuing to find strength in reading this thread and leaning on God day and night for Him to reveal his plan to me. I am finding that prayer is just amazing. Keep praying, God is listening and He answers according to His plan.

 

I have not been in God's Word as much as I should be during this trying time, but I want to share a verse that I memorized as a child and has stayed with me always. Ephesians 6:10. Stay strong in the Lord, I pray for each one of you that God will bring you peace during this difficult time.

tc08 Community Member
tc08
540 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
8. Apr 23, 2009 9:28 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear Stillhopeful,

 

I was out all evening.  My church is having a class on managing finances and I decided I should probably attend since I've left all the investing to my husband in the past.  I'd better start being prepared to make a budget, save, invest and all that sort of thing on my own.

 

I like the verse in Proverbs you shared.  Did your husband tell you anything about the house (big enough for your family) or in any way imply that you have a say in this decision?  It does seem very quick.  He may change his mind.  My husband was all set to buy a condominium (a "flat" I think) on New Years Eve but when he got the financial details it was a dumb purchase and, after he sulked about it for a few days, he backed away from the idea.  As that verse says, "the Lord directs his steps" no matter what his plan.  This house has got to be another upsetting situation for you.  Definitely not moaning when your upset is completely legitimate.

 

I appreciated the posts from PC08 on the "Death of a Marriage" thread tonight. I had a long conversation with my husband today and PC08's prior posts on 1 Peter 3 came to mind a few times.  It started with him wanting me to know he needs to buy some new cooking pans for his apartment so they will be on the credit card bill when it comes (buys a car on his own but wants approval for pans?).  Then it was his reasons why he doesn't want to give our marriage another chance.  It was perfectly civil but like all conversations with him for the past six months, completely frustrating.  Nothing new was said but I didn't feel upset by it which is progress.  He said he has been giving our marriage a lot of thought as to whether we should try again.  Said it is very peaceful living alone so he doesn't think it would be a good idea emotionally for him to take the risk of trying to work things out with me.  He said his job is stressful and he either needs work or marriage, but not both. He doesn't want to be around any christians so we are not gong to be able to have common friends and he noticed the two times when he drove my car that the radio station was on christian music which was somehow proof that we should be divorced.  He did mention that he believes in God several times but it is not like my view of God which includes church, prayer  the Bible and all that other stuff.   He doesn't miss anything about our marriage except the dogs (but he won't take care of the dogs when I go out of town for a few days next month).  He did concede that it would be nice to have someone to go out and do things with on the weekend, that he still enjoys talking with me, and that he has noticed that I've done a lot of self-evaluation and gotten rid of my anger since he moved out of the house.  He listed several things where he felt I didn't share his interests in sports.  I conceded many of them.  He was silent when I asked him if he missed a physical relationship.  He still can't think of a single thing he did wrong in our marriage that might have contributed to this situation and is absolutely without a shred of guilt or remorse regarding the OW or the request for a divorce.

 

Generally, the whole conversation was a reminder that unless God reaches him, no connection is going to be made.

 

I hope tomorrow (today for you) is a better.

 

TC08

inhisname Community Member
inhisname
114 posts since
Apr 2, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
9. Apr 25, 2009 2:27 PM in response to: tc08
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

TC08-Your conversation with your husband sounds familiar. It is like we are all married to the same man! I will continue to pray that God opens up his heart and restores the connection between the two of you. I don't understand how you can turn your back on a marriage as our husbands have done. And for me, it is even more troubling to know that even though my husband has treated me cruelly and unkind, I STILL want this marriage to work. Last night I posted and I was frustrated and sad. Today, I woke up with strength. The 1 Peter verses were comforting.

 

I know that nothing is impossible with God but I am struggling with something else. The more time I get to think about my situation--the more things come to my attention. The OW is not the only problem here and quite honestly--that is the one thing I am at peace about forgiving. There are other things that have to stop if this marriage were to work out. I don't have time to really explain all of this. (I'm on my lunchbreak). But it has come to my attention that my husband is intensely addicted to pornography. What I thought was a "once in a while" occurance seems to be a every day, couple time a day thing that has been hidden from me for quite a long time. I have stated in the past how I feel about it but he makes it like it is a normal thing for men to do. I know this is untrue. Has anyone had to deal with such a thing in their marriage? I pray that God will convict his heart with guilt over his addiction and take it out of his life.

stillhopeful Community Member
stillhopeful
519 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
10. Apr 24, 2009 1:14 PM in response to: inhisname
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear inhisname,

 

I'm glad you posted here It sounds like things have been horrible for you, but you sound like your faith is growing through all this. I think mine must have, but there are often times when I am really not trusting God at all. I'm glad you were able to have some communication with one another, although it was not in the most pleasant of ways. I will pray for continued strength and comfort for you and for your husband's heart to be softened.

 

Take care,

 

stillhopeful.

stillhopeful Community Member
stillhopeful
519 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
11. Apr 24, 2009 2:50 PM in response to: tc08
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear tc08,

 

Thanks for your post and for sharing about what happened with your husband- I was wondering if you had had a chance to speak to him at all. No wonder you were frustrated - I have to admit I sat here shaking my head as I read the things he had said to you. Well done for thinking of 1 Peter 3, and acting on it!!! I will pray for his 'heart of stone' to be replaced, as in Ezekial 11:19-20

 

Well, you asked about the house my husband had looked at... this morning a thick letter arrived, from our mortgage company, but strangely addressed to both of us. I opened it and found that he has not applied for a separate mortgage at all, but a JOINT application for an extra advance on OUR MORTGAGE!!! I can't tell you how angry I was. How can he even imagine that I would be happy to sign documents for debt in both our names for a house he is moving into to leave me and the children?! No doubt he thinks it is justified, because he is the one who pays for it, but I think he will be in for a shock if he pursues this idea. As you say, though, hopefully he will change his mind. He is staying with his parents tonight before he goes car hunting tomorrow, so they are likely to try to talk him out of it too. As to whether the house would be large enough for all six of us to live in, I highly doubt it, given the very small amount of money he applied for. The town he is working in is in an area where property prices are very low and although he hasn't told me, I expect it is a small flat (yes, you were right) which needs a lot of work done on it. Needless to say, it is not an area he would ever have wanted to move to before, so I guess it just fits in with everything else about his personality that has been completely changed by all this. I am glad I will not see him until tomorrow, as it will give me time to calm down and make sure I don't say anything that I would later regret!

 

Thanks for reminding me of the verse from Proverbs which I posted myself- I think I may need to meditate on that one and start actually believing it!

 

Love in Christ,

 

stillhopeful.

 

Message was edited by: moderator

kitkat3and2 Community Member
kitkat3and2
69 posts since
Apr 6, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
12. Apr 24, 2009 4:09 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear tc08 and still hopeful:

 

Thanks you for your wonderful advice.  I really like the visual of the cell and closing the door with the cross in front of it!  Wow!  That is a strong message.

 

Thanks, too, for the Bible verses.  I will look those up tonight.  Psalm 139 happens to be one of my favorites.

 

My prayer is that I (and we) all get through this extremely hurtful time and become the strong women of character God gave us.  The women we were before this heartache began.

 

I do hope your weekend is pleasant, calm and that you feel internal peace.  You sound like amazing women!  We all are!  We are God's daughters!

 

Will be praying and thinking of you this weekend!

tc08 Community Member
tc08
540 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
13. Apr 24, 2009 4:39 PM in response to: stillhopeful
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear Stillhopeful,

 

RH08 said in a post this morning that he prayed for his wife's heart of stone to become a heart of flesh.  He didn't mention it was a scripture so thank you for sharing the Ezekiel 11:19-20 reference so 'd know where it came from.  I think that is a relevant prayer for all of our husbands.  I noticed on another post you mentioned you cried when PC08 said God would be your husband.  That is from Isaiah 54:5-8 and I very much like that passage.

 

I understand why you need a little time before you talk to your husband about the advance on the mortgage.  I will be praying tonight for you to have wisdom in how you handle this and if you should agree to sign the papers plus self-control during the conversation. I pray God will instruct you in this as in Isaiah 30:20-21.  Are your husband's parents the type of people who will try to talk some reason into their son about this?  My husband's mother typically goes along with whatever he wants. But he did mention a couple weeks ago that she has been nagging him to get back together with me, which was surprising.  I think the most confusing thing about all this is how their personalities change across the board.  It is hard enough to deal with the fact a husband goes chasing after some woman, but it is very confusing and frightening to also deal with all the irresponsible behavior, total lack of concern about how they spend money, unwillingness to communicate, changes in friends, a general change in morality, etc.  Those behaviors seem to be common on a lot of posts.  Somehow adultery is a lot more pervasive than just a sexual sin.   I've been thinking about 1 Corinthians 13:7 - it does seem like right now love is about bearing, hoping and enduring all things.

 

Today I was reading 1 Samuel 17 which is the story of David and Goliath.  In many ways, I think the passages that are typically found in children's stories have been some of the most helpful for me because they remind of God's power and willingness to act in the lives of his people in the past. 1 Samuel 17:47 says "the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is Lord's and He will give you into our hands."  But like Habakkuk 3:2, I wish God would do these mighty deeds "in our day."  The waiting is long.

 

Goodnight,

TC08

stillhopeful Community Member
stillhopeful
519 posts since
Dec 29, 2008
Currently Being Moderated
14. Apr 25, 2009 2:50 PM in response to: tc08
Re: Have you read "Love Must be Tough?" (continued)

Dear tc08,

 

Thank you for your reply, and especially all the bible verses- they were really helpful. It was funny, because I re-read all the verses on perseverence I had written down last night, and 1 Cor. 13:7 was one that I read several times, to fully take it in.

 

My husband came for several hours on the way home from getting his new car today. I spoke to him about the mortgage money- just very calmly that I was not being vindictive or nasty, but I would not be able to sign any papers which made me a party to debt for a house he was moving into to get away from us. I also told him about some other financial stuff I had been uncomfortable with. He was not happy but when when I asked him if he was annoyed about it, he said no. It turned out the reason the amount he applied for was so small was that it was only for a deposit- he would also have to apply for a separate mortgage. We will see him again next weekend.

 

I agree with you, the waiting is long. I am willing to be patient, but I hope I am not wrong in also praying "do not delay" (Psalm 40:17, Psalm 70:5, Daniel 9:19).

 

Dear KA807,

 

I have been praying for you and your little one, and I hope things are OK

 

stillhopeful.

 

Message was edited by: Moderator

Go to original post 1 2 3 ... 31 Previous Next

More Like This

  • Retrieving data ...

Incoming Links