MY DAUGHTER HAD TEXTING And she is a few years younger than your daughter and she felt so invaded when her father read her texts one time i told her since she cant be trusted i would have to read her things i plopped down to read her locker mail (thats letters from jr. high kids to jr. high kids they call it locker mail,) anyway it made me feel like i was breaking a house rule because she lost trust due something that happened at her dads house. what we do is we talk about what if situations and sometimes we as parents role situations like friends that talk dirty to be cool thenwe talk about why it is kids do those things i would not bust yourself about reading her texts because if you have a close relationship with her  your going to need that trust that you all have and that closeness to deal with much more serious issues if the only thing you have to worry about right now is a dirty mouth be grateful you have done such a good job one thing that i hear constantly is mom they are so mean they have such dirty mouths this is coming from my sixth grader. try to be on their planet  long enough to understand or remember what it was like. i hear pick and choose your fights or battles wisely i hear that one from olderparents well god bless you all and pray pray pray

I TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO READ YOUR DAUGTER'S TEXT.  I NEVER HAD A REASON NOT TO TRUST MY DAUGHTER.  SHE SOUNDS SO SIMILAR TO YOUR DAUGHTER ACCEPT SHE IS NOW 17.  SHE STARTED ACTING DIFFERENT, LIKE SHE WAS HIDING SOMETHING. AND I STARTED INVESTIGATING, BUT I COULD NEVER GET HER PHONE TO READ HER TEXT.  SO, I MANAGED TO GET INTO HER MY SPACE ACCOUNT THAT WAS WHEN I FOUND OUT SHE WAS BACK WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND.  SHE HAD TOLD ME SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM, BUT SHE LIED.  SO, I CONFRONTED HER AND YEA SHE WAS EXTERMELY UPSET THAT I INVADED HER PRIVACY, BUT MY FEELING WAS AND I MAYBE WRONG, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE HERE AND I PAY THE BILLS FOR THE INTERNET AND THE PHONE I HAVE EVER RIGHT TO READ YOUR STUFF.  AFTER READING HER MY SPACE I FELT SICK, NOT JUST BECAUSE SHE LIED, BUT BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BE A MOTHER WHO WOULD INVADE MY CHILDREN'S PRIVACY.  IN THE END THOUGH IT REALLY WORKED OUT BECAUSE SHE TOLD HER BOYFRIEND AND TOLD HIM LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS UNTIL MY PARENTS CAN WARM UP TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BACK IN MY LIFE.  HE TOLD HER THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA BECAUSE SINCE HE HAD BEEN BACK WITH HER HE COULDN'T QUIT THINKING ABOUT HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND. SO I SAY IT PAYS TO CHECK UP ON YOUR KIDS. THAT JUST MAKES YOU A CARING AND CONCERNED PARENT.

I do not know whether or not it is wrong or not to read their messages, but it feels like the right thing, so I do. I have three teenage sons and I have made it very clear to them since they got their cell phones, my space, etc. that if at any time, I feel like there safety is threatened or suspicious of something they might be doing, or uneasy, I have the right as a parent to look at their texts, my space, etc.. Why? because trust is a privilege!They have to provide me with their passwords and if I ever try to get on and cannot, they will lose that privileged.

We are dealing with an issue right now, with my middle son and I wouldn't have known if he hadn't snuck out one night, and I took away his phone b/c I new he was not telling me everything. Unfortunately, I did learn of a very disturbing thing from his phone and am so heartbroken, I can hardly breath, but if I hadn't read his texts, who knows where we would be months from now. I have now changed his password on his computer and he has no phone. All of our computers in the house have passwords, and all of the passwords have been changed. I haven't yet, but have learned that I can also change his password on his my space in case he tries from someone else's computer or phone. He has been told that trust is earned and that it is all about "Smart choices". when he is able to make smart choices again, and begin to regain some of the trust, he will start receiving some of his privileges back. The motto at our house is "Smart choices" result in more privileges and freedom!

I truly believe that in this day and time that we live in, we as parents have to do whatever it takes to protect them and their futures! With all the predators out there, we have to go the extra mile.

As far as, texting in the  language that you referred to, in my experience with them, The rule is, If I can read it and it not result in any embarrassment or anger on my part, then it is appropriate, otherwise don't text it. It might also help you to tell your daughter, that when I did find those messages on one of my son's phone from a girl, it completely changed my view of the young girl, so what's to say that if the young girl's parents did the same thing that I did, what would they think of you? And as far as "sexting", I told my boys that would make lots of parents out there think very little of them and not want their daughters to date them.

I have 3 teenaged boys and I randomly read their text messages and check out their myspace accounts.  I will go so far as to ask them for their phone so I can read them.  I have also asked them for their passwords to their myspace and e-mail accounts and periodically review them.  They know this and don't have a problem with it.  If they start throwing a fit about it then they probably have something to hide.

JENN,

THANK YOU

GEN

I too feel that my daughter is a different person when here with us. I asked her once which was the real her. The one that I see when I  am around her, or the one I read about.   I know that sometimes kids will say things to their friends so that they can be cool, but I keep telling her that if it's not the real her, then why say those things. People should like her for who she really is, not what she pretends to be. I am amazed too, how some of her friends drink alcohol. I told her that if I find out that she is drinking when she goes to a friends house, she will be in serious trouble and that if the parents are allowing it, or "looking the other way"  that I will have them arrested. I have heard stories of parents leaving their kids and friends alone and allowing them to drink. They justify it by saying that they are at home and not going anywhere or drivng.  One message I read last summer was of one kid asking if she was allowed to drink. He had invited her to a party. They planned on drinking all night. She told him that she wasn't, but what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. Now, she never asked to go to this party, not sure if because she knew I wouldn't let her or that she was just telling him what he wanted to hear, so she could sond cool.  Oh, when ever she asks to go to a party, I call the parents and ask if there is going to be drinking and if they plan on staying there the whole evening. I think that embarrasses her somewhat, because she is 16, but I dont' care. I told her that it is my right as her parent. Like one parent said, we have to pray that God will keep them safe and help them make the right decisions. We have been listening to a pastor on the radio, which I also have downloaded her teachings and put on her mp3 player. She has been listening to him.  I am hoping that it will touch her as she says it has, and help her make the right choices in life.

Thanks guys for this convo. We also have a 15 yr. old daughter who has changed alot with the advent of high school and the cell phone. Up until recently she just had a plain cell phone, no texting. We decided to give her an iphone with unlimited texting and she just doesn't appear able to handle using it responsibly, so now we are going to have to crack down on its usage. So thanks for some of the ideas in this thread on that angle. On the one hand, teens are allowed the privacy of their own thoughts and ideas, as individuals. In the past, they might have put them in a diary, journal, etc.  In the past, the playing field for possible indiscretions from teens was the home phone, but there are only so many places a kid can hide in the house and carry on a convo   Home computers and the facebooks of the world open up a whole new potential of bad, but still, parents can control their usage pretty good at home, making them be in a 'public' area. But the cell phone with texting is very impervious and opens up all kinds of potential for bad stuff. So i agree, the child being underage/our responsibility, with us paying for the phone and service, we as parents have not only the right, but the duty to monitor. It's inevitable your child will be exposed to bad stuff with this technology, so it's up to us to be the gatekeeper while at the same time trying to teach them how to use such things responsibly in the future.