neese~

I feel you pain!! I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  I will NEVER forget the moment I read the text message between my husband and the other woman declaring their "love" for each other.  The reality of what was going on with my husband was too hard to grasp right away. I threw up and my mouth was so dry I couldn't hardly talk.   I have not ever had so much emotional pain.  IT was like my marriage had "suddenly" died before me.

I remember my husband doing exactly the same thing.  The nights out, drinking excessively, pulling away emotionally, and feeling so alone although we were still living together.  God revealed to me the fact that his emotional affair was not over.  I knew he was involved but could not DO ANYTHING.  If I tired to talk to him he shut me out!!    I ignored his behavior, and hoped it would end. It did not. Much fighting happened and  then silence..  I was trying in my own power to DO all the right things.   I walked on egg shells everyday. I was depressed, angry, and felt rejected over and over.  I felt ALONE even with him in the house.  . We were living like roommates for months and I finally asked him if he wanted a roommate or a marriage.  He wanted a a roommate.  I wanted my marriage and a faithful husband and I asked him to leave   I left the door open if he wanted to come home and work on our marriage.  He was with her from the moment he left. Within 3 months they moved in together and she had kicked her husband out.

My point is..you cannot change your husband.  I decide he needed to live somewhere else.  The stress of him living here and lying was too much for me.  I had to let it all go and trust God.  It was very scary being alone.  Finances were in question. I had no close friend as we had moved to a new town during all of this.  I had been married for 27 yrs and had to do things I have never had to do.   My daughters respected my choice due to the circumstances. It was painful for them because they found out the truth about the affair.  It hurt them because they felt he chose her over them too. .    I'm sure others think I should not have asked him to leave.

Ask God for direction.  You need to be calm and still when you ask Him. Listen and He will answer you.  I prayed for almost a year for God to "fix" my marriage and it got worse. I decide the change had to start with me. I stayed in the word and grew closer to Him as I went through this.  I  believe that this was His plan for me to grow in Him.  My husband was my God before all of this.  I made many mistakes but the worst was not abiding with my Savior daily through the "ups" in my life.  He was my 911 call only.. .  If I end up with a stronger and closer relationship with God and no husband in the end , it was worth it. (I still pray for God to restore my husbands relationship with Him and our marriage.) I never want to go through out life without my Savior again leading me.  No wonder I got to this place.

The best book you need to get is Love Must be Tough by Dr. Dobson and talk to a counselor here at Focus on the Family.  Focus on the family counselors were my first call.  I cried a lot, but I talked to a counselor and he gave me great insight, prayed with me,  and referred me to a Christian counselor in my area. This is a road you NEED to have someone help you with.  It is too emotional to make good decisions in the beginning.  I made many wrong ones.  Let Christ fight this battle for you.  Give it to Him!

I will pray for you and your family,  God is with you.  You are not alone~~ God Bless, Chipfishing

In response to ILOVEJESUS1961,  wow. praise God.  he is working on your husband. I will keep you in my prayers because I know too that Satan no doubt wont be happy that your husband is thinking of coming back home.  this weekend I will be gone on  a silent retreat,   I am so looking forward to having quiet time alone with God. uninterrupted by work, by my girls( whom I love of course!)  I will keep all of you in prayers, I will be praying for my daughters as well as my husband. I have relatives nearby to keep an eye on my girls and hopefully my husband will stay around the house more this weekend with them.  I hope for the day my husband ( I Pray)  makes the decision to recommit to our marriage.  But more importantly I pray for him to have that desire to be a man who follows God, and who wants to do HIS will.  I firmly believe that Gods will is for our families and marriages to be healed . I do love my husband and as such want him to have eternal salvation. there is so much chaos in his life. He is at war between the good and the bad.  keep us in your prayers- we have a meeting on monday to hopefully God willing,( my husband will show up, )to try and find some solutions to our financial mess.  Not only has Satan attacked the marriage, all this mess has caused tax problems, business problems. I feel bad for my daughters so often. Like I have let them down.

Through it all I do remind myself to focus on him and only HIM. through prayers, reading scripture.  thank you to all the posters for your suggestions and testimony.  I do pray for others and remind myself that so many people out there are in similar or worse situations. At least my husband does seem to want ( at some level still deep inside) to be a follower of God, and to be a good Father. He still attends church every week, and I see him praying,  even blessing our girls at times  ! of course his actions right now are not in line with this and I think he knows it. For now our Lord is our spouse who comforts us and encourages us.  I have read in the Bible what it says about marriage and divorce.

Our God has ALL the answers .  this world has gone so crazy  :sometimes I do wonder if the end of the world is coming.  If it is I want to be ready!  God Bless you all,

angelfire~

I thank you for your kind words about my comments.  It is so sad for me to read all the posts her and all the pain the enemy has caused so many marriages and families.  God truly uses these " messes" to bring us to a place in our walk with Him that we probably would never have got to without trials.  It is such a painful journey we find ourselves on.  I do believe God was preparing me for this years before it happened.  I see how I started my growth prior.  I believe now without a doubt that He is directing my steps.  Although I still am sad at times and have days that are painful, I know He has not left me and will take care of me all the way through.  He knows and wants what is best for us.  I pray you continue to find peace and joy during your trial.  God Bless you and your family. I will pray for you and that your husband finds his way back to his Savior.  God Bless, Chipfishing

It has been quite a while since I have posted here. I have not stopped praying, nor given up hope. Sometimes, just like catching up on the posts, just so physically, mentally, and emotionally drains me. I am going on 7 months since my wife left with absolutely no visible progress towards reonciliation. I have been able to see where God has taken things that she has meant for bad, and turned them into good. Sadly, this just breaks my heart further in feeling like it is not his will to fix my broken family. I have prayed and prayed, and it is so hard not to doubt. Also, this last week has truly felt like the first week as far as the hopelessness and depression has gone. Have no idea what is going on other than Satan is trying to destroy me. I continue to pray for marriages everywhere and especially on here as I truly need to see positive results for the families that God has restored. I so much need to know that right now that others are praying for my family, and i am asking for prayer to weather these attacks.

also need advice. Our 10 year old Son prays everday that God will bring his mother home. currently we have shared custody. He keeps telling me that God is talking to him and that God is going to bring her home. I am so torn on this as at some point, we are both going to have to accept this. I have assured him that I believe God wants to bring her home, however she also has free will and God is not going to interfere with that. I am also concerned that he is just truly hoping that she comes home, and has a vision of a God that will not allow this to happen. My problem is this, if he is just expereincing wishful thinking, this could so badly damage his faith. If it is God speaking to him, I definitely do not want to discourage him to think it is not. These things further just completely tear my heart apart. He is getting hurt enought through this, I do not want to make it worse. He gets very defensive when I question it which leads me to believe it is just a defense mechanism. Please pray and give me your thoughts.

I'm still praying for all of us too.  My heart breaks for all of us and the children especially.  But keep looking up to God and ferventaly praying and God will come through for us.  God always brings good out of the bad and it being his will and not ours or our timing.  My marriage and family are strugglin too.  Just remember to stay in the word daily and God will work it out.  I pray that God will gaurd our hearts and minds as we lean on him for understanding and peace.  Just know when two or more pray about something God will answer.  I'm sorry we are all having these kinds of troubles but am glad we have this prayer chain to share and pray for each other.  Hang in there chipfishing torndown waiting ilovejesus standingforlove graz4me and anybody else that i didn't write here.  God loves us all.  Counseling is good to help the kids understand and have someone to talk too.  God Bless yall and know that i'm praying for us all.

Ok...... It's been awhile since I posted..what I want to say to EVERYone is this....  while in the middle of a struggle it Will be tough..hard.. and sometimes even

heratbreaking... My husband and I have recently went trhu a Reallyyy rough patch..He said He was on the verge of moving out...I don't recall the  last time

I prayed so Long n So hard....I still believe it was God.NOT me that changed the situation... my husband said it was the change in My additude...

and Believe me.I Know   I didn't do it on my own.. or I'd be right back where I started.  When we first met it was Him that was more spiritual..

I ask him recently if he still prayed, he said yes, just not as much as he used to.. He said it seemed  his prayers were not answered, I did not tell him, All prayers I

believe are answered, They may not just be answered when or the way ( we ) wanted.  I was told recently..it's all in Gods timming...So to all of you out there..

Pray!!  Pray!!  and........PRAY...........remember all the good God has done........Love to all      God bless