Denise,

Thank you for your blessings and reply.  I have been feeling a lot of sadness at this time because I would have been married for 38 years (January 8, 1972) and today (January 20) is the 14th year- to- the- day that I left my husband.

As I mentioned in my original post--I know that I have asked God for HIs forgiveness (many times); and I know that I am forgiven.  But I believe that He is using me and my experience to witness to others on the consequences of sinful choices.  Having an affair and then divorcing spouse #1 to go marry #2 is kind of like getting a ticket for speeding.  It doesn't stop with the ticket--- there's more---points on the license and a raised insurance premium for the next 35 months.  It's hard to remember the original thrill--of speeding--or of a forbidden sexual encounter; but the consequences go on and on and on...  I have been reaping more than I've sown, longer than I've sown...

For anyone out there who is walking close to the cliff's edge--BEWARE!  There are always consequences for our choices/actions.  There are no exceptions!

"Forewarned is forearmed!"

Blessings,

Thank you for sharing your similar story.  I've often wondered--if I had not left #1--or if I confessed-but didn't actually leave--what the quality of my marriage would have been after my confession...  I would imagine that it would have been very difficult for him to be at peace with me and would probably have had a lot of concern about whether or not I might be unfaithful again.  We have been able to talk--over the years--and he has told me that he forgives me and even shared in some of the responsibility for my affair--which I assured him was not his fault.  I took 100% responsibility for my actions.  Nobody "makes" anyone do anything.  We have free wills.

About six years ago we spoke of getting back together again.  We were very conscious of not crossing any moral lines when we discussed this. Husband #2 was very "miserable" with being married and had told me many times that he wanted a divorce; which was why I felt exonerated to be able to even think about leaving #2 to go back to #1.  I asked him (my 1st husband)  if he would ask #2 if he could have me back--but he said that was for me to do--he didn't want to confront my present husband.  Anyway, we didn't get back together-- and shortly afterwards he became involved with another woman (his sister's best friend--someone he knew from childhood) who is now wife #3. 

Just looking at what I'm writing makes me disgusted with myself.  This sounds like a Grade #C Soap Opera; and I thought I was so far above such foolishness...  Life becomes so contorted when we disobey God's Commandments and it's very difficult to get back what was lost or given away.

Husband #1 keeps his distance from me now.  I think that he and his new wife are happily married and he has put me in his past and "gotten on with his life"-- as  he suggests that I do...  Now the shoe is on the other foot--and I'm the one who's "left behind." My new husband is quite self-absorbed and definitely doesn't have the same needs in marriage as I have.  He took a job across the state--14 months ago--and comes home on his weekends.  I stay here--because I invested time and money into our debt-free home--and I don't want to move over there because my family is here--and what friends that I have left.  I think that I'd feel more alone over there with him--then I do here--without him-- during the week--because he prefers to be watching tv or on the computer or playing music--then spending quality-time with me.  Sometimes I feel envy towards my first husband and his new wife--because they spend so much time together.  He is retired and she doesn't work--so they have plenty of time together.  Things sure can change; and life is not anything like I thought it was going to be...  The grass....

Question?  Are you able to share these posts with him?  If so--I would invite you to ask him to read my posts.  Sometimes--just reading someone else's testimony--can help to remove the "scales" from our eyes.  I sure wish that I could have read something like my posts--back when I was deciding that I just had to leave my first husband--to join with the "love of my life..."  It just might have made me stop--and think--before I jumped from the "frying pan--into the fire..."  My first marriage was not perfect--but in contrast to what I thought this new life was going to be--it sure looks better by contrast...  Here's just one sample of my delusion:  Husband #2 said to me (before we moved in together) 'What if we're mad at each other & we have a small house--and can't get away from each other?"  I replied that I couldn't imagine ever being mad at him...  Wow!  I have never felt so much hurt & anger with anyone--as I have with him...  So much for my idealism.

He was my Knight in shining armor.  Now he has fallen so far off his horse--and I just ask myself--why & how did I do this?  What's my answer?  I walked away from God & His teachings--and became involved in  New Age, situational ethics (bologna)!  I'm not mad at my 2nd husband--I'm mad at myself.  I have no one but myself to blame for my choices.  I remember, vividly, one of my best friends saying to me--when I told her of my plans to leave my first husband...  She said, "If you leave your husband--and go to live with this man--you will be leaving God's umbrella of protection..."  Guess what?  She was right!  I have no connection with the New Age movement--any more.  But I've made my bed--and now I have to lie in it...   All of those red flags that the Holy Spirit was showing me--well--now I'm dealing with them...and there's no going back--to what I had before...

As to how to pray for your husband--pray that the Holy Spirit will remove the scales from his eyes and draw his heart back to God.

Please show this to your husband.  I pray that my witness against adultry & divorce will be a blessing to him and to all who read my posts.

May God bless all of you!

Laura,

I just wanted to add an update to my original post...

Last Saturday I attended the #5 B-Day Party of my grandson.  I went alone because my #2 husband was working.  The first person that I saw was my #1 husband.  I went over to him and asked if he would mind if I sat and talked with him.  He told me it was ok.  He was alone.

I proceded to tell him (in condensed version) all about the lessons that I have learned over the past 14 years since I left him for husband #2.  I told him that the reason that I left had NOTHING to do with him (what he did or didn't do).  It was ALL about me--and my fantasies that I had created--and left my real marriage to step into my self-created Fairy Tale...  I also told him that I had learned, recently, that the "highs" that I had been experiencing during my affair--were nothing more than adrenaline that I had become addicted to--and mistakenly thought was LOVE...  I even told him about telling my story--as a warning to others--about the GRASS NOT BEING GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE--on the FOCUS ON THE FAMILY FORUM...

This chance meeting with him--in public--was a much-prayed-for event.  I feel truly Blessed that I finally had the opportunity to tell him these things to his face.  I put NO BLAME on my #2 husband.  I took full responsibility for my selfish and adulterous behavior-- and added that it was only after I "hit the bottom" that I was able to recognize my wrong-doing and ask God's forgiveness.

If there is anyone out there who is undecided about what to do about their affair--I pray that you will turn your heart back to God and His commandments and READ from the Book of Proverbs.  The answer is there for you.  Do you want to have Wisdom?  If so;  THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM.  If this doesn't turn your heart back to God and your husband--then know that you are choosing to be the PROVERBIAL FOOL.

  AS A DOG RETURNS TO HIS VOMIT, SO A FOOL RETURNS TO HIS FOLLY.  Does that sound romantic?  I doubt it!

I know this is true--I've been there and done that...

Blessings,

Hello ihadapony,

What a cool stage name that is!  Thank you for your positive comments.  I feel that God is using me to tell my story so that others may see what's up ahead of them--if they don't get back into God's will.

This morning I was reading aloud, to my second husband, from the Book of Proverbs.  This morning's chapter was #2.  I thought this was perfect to portray Wisdom.  I will quote from #2 vs 16-19:

YOU WLL BE SAVED FROM THE

     LOOSE WOMAN,

FROM THE ADULTERESS WITH HER

     SMOOTH WORDS.

WHO FORSAKES THE PARTNER OF HER

     YOUTH

AND FORGETS HER SACRED COVENANT;

FOR HER WAY LEADS DOWN TO

     DEATH,

AND HER PATHS TO THE SHADES;

THOSE WHO GO TO HER NEVER COME

     BACK.

NOR DO THEY REGAIN THE PATHS OF

     LIFE.

I made the comment to him--that he should have run FAST from me--because that was describing me--back then.

I thank God that I can talk to him about these things--now--that we have been forgiven.  God is blessing us as we move forward in our lives together.  But--we have had to rewrite our BEGINNING--because there is no beauty in how our relationship began.  God's forgiveness is what has cleansed us and made us new.

To answer your question:  I am young at heart and I work out every day and eat right (most of the time) because I now realize that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.  I used to teach aerobics--and I stayed lean because it was the "thing to do."  Now I realize that being in good shape--body, mind, and spirit--is actually God's perfect will for me--and ALL of His creation.  Can't beat that--for motivation!

Blessings,

Hello again,

I LOVE U2.  But which of their many songs was that taken from?  I have a lot of their music.

You have quite the way with words, yourself.  Do you enjoy writing?  I called two of my very best friends (since we were 8,9 & 10).  I read them my latest posts & also your reply.  One of my friends was the one that I quoted as saying, "If you leave your husband and go to live with that man--you will be leaving God's umbrella of protection..."  She was a Christian then--and still is--now.  It really makes her heart glad to know that her Spirit-filled words to me--did not fall on deaf ears--even thought I did go ahead and leave...

I was thinking that posting on FOTF is kind of like journaling--except that others can read it --and--God-willing--benefit from my experiences on the wrong side of God's fence...

I am choosing to get along better with my 2nd husband.  I have been Blessed to read some awesome books that I heard about on FOTF.  The one I'm currently reading is, "THE D N A OF RELATIONSHIPS," by Dr Gary Smalley.  What a great book!  I like to hi-lite favorite thoughts--and I find myself having a problem NOT hi-liting every word in his book!  He has really opened my eyes to the power I have to control my thoughts--which control my feelings--which control my reactions...  He made the statement that, "Love is a choice..."  I'm learning how to better communicate with my 2nd husband--and he is responding with Blessings.  I told him that I took the opportunity to speak to my first husband at our G-son's B-Day party--and told him all about my conversation with him.  I told him how Blessed I felt to be able to do that.  I am very open with my H2 and God blesses us both for that.  I am learning how to choose to forgive, immediately--so that I am forgiven--by Jesus.  This definitely is helpful in our relationship and it clears a lot of debris out of our lines of communication.  My dream is for ALL of us to celebrate FAMILY--and have no more negative feelings; to be free to love each other as God intended--w/o any secret agendas.

H1 told me that his wife was very intimidated by me.  I asked him to tell her that there was no need to feel that way towards me--because I had learned my lesson & would NEVER commit adultery again--with ANYONE!  I hope he will carry that message to her and that she will have the grace to believe it.

In the meantime--I feel --at peace...