Hi ceeceeVA, I'm so happy you have come here and felt comfortable sharing what you're going through.
I could hear your pain and confusion, and am so sorry that your life has been turned upside down. I know it's so shocking when we find out that someone we love so much has done something so out of character and hurtful. It feels as if we're walking around in a nightmare, just hoping to wake up at any moment and find out that it's not real. I know that right now it doesn't seem like life will ever be "normal" again, and while it's true that it won't be exactly the same, it is undoubtedly possible for your marriage to be even stronger and better than ever before. This can be overcome. I have heard many other women who have gone through a similar experience compare the recovery process to a gunshot wound; while you may heal from the pain, you will always have a scar. That scar, however, doesn't need to keep you from allowing the Lord to transform your marriage and turn this painful situation around for His glory. The process won't happen overnight, but you will soon begin to see small glimpses of hope here and there as trust is rebuilt. The fact that your husband is sincerely remorseful over what has happened and is willingly allowing you access to all his accounts is fantastic! That is definitely a great first step toward forgiveness and restoration. You may find the response here helpful from one our counselors, Joann FOTF, to a woman in a very similar situation as your own who was struggling with how to trust again and move on after infidelity.
I would highly recommend walking through this process with a Christian counselor who can equip you both with tools to handle the emotions you are currently feeling and will encounter in the days ahead. Our counselors on staff would be happy to provide you with some local referrals, as well as offer helpful advice to get you started, all free of charge. Some helpful resources to consider going through together include the books, Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity, Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship, and the broadcast, "Marriages that Survived Infidelity."
I just prayed for you and your husband and asked the Lord to encourage your hearts and fill you with His comfort and peace during this storm. Please keep in touch, as I'm excited to hear how the Lord will show His faithfulness in this situation.
Erika
FOTF Moderator
