I have sooooo been there. My oldest 2 boys are 19 months apart and I used to joke that our favourite game was 'zoo-circus' because of the crazy pace they kept. Had to break devotions and prayer time out of the box and actually began to just talk with the Lord throughout the day (or night). I kept my readings short and situation-sensitive... mostly verses of encouragement! Devotion doesn't belong on our to-do lists... it either is or it isn't. As you care for your little boys you are serving the Lord. I tried to remember that every time I filled a sippy cup... that what I did for the least of these I did for Him. I say did because my youngest girls are 9 now and I again have a bit of time to myself, as you will someday.

You definately need time to recharge. It doesn't have to be a whole weekend if that's not possible but you can work up to that. I think your husband needs to know how you're feeling (if he doesn't already) and maybe he could watch the boys for an hour here and there worked into the routine so you could go grocery shopping alone or visit with someone. I also suggest you get some exercise (weird I know). I started doing this a few years ago and often wonder why I didn't do it sooner. Find something you enjoy and just start slowly but be intentional - great for stress. Don't be afraid of mess... a bed sheet and a few chairs make a wonderful tent and couch cushions make a great pretend bridge (my kids have entertained themselves for hours with everyday things - though they do still need supervising).

I would also like to say that I haven't met a mother who didn't mention the feelings you've described. So, no guilt... no time for it! And keep talking, you're not alone.

Lastly, reward yourself... Once in a while get something new. We pour all our resources into our kids so it's nice to get a treat once in a while... even if it's just a new pair of socks.

Blessings!

Dear mommy,

I'm writing mostly to empathize.  I only have one right now and he is 19 months.  Many days I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.  I'm still trying to figure out how to recharge too.  I think a weekend or night away is aweome once in a while.  My husband and I went away for an anniversary trip in November and the last time we had done that was a year before.  I felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders when we drove away from the house.  It made me realize how responsible I feel for everything having to do with my son and our home.  I think the Lord helped me see that ultimately He is the responsible one and it is all His energy working through me.  I'm still learning that daily though.

My husband gives me one night off a week.  That's good for me.  I'm doing a Mother's Day out one day a week for 5 hours.  Those things do help, but it is still a big job being a Mom.  Right now God is teaching me that my identity comes from Him and not my performance as a mom.  He's teaching me I have to live according to His truth and not my emotions.  I guess being a mom makes me realize just how much I need Him.  I can't do it on my own, but with Him all thing are possible.  I don't know that any of what I mentioned in this paragraph applies to you; I think I'm just verbally processing.  I love this forum because I know I'm not alone.  I'll be praying for you that God will give you ways to refresh yourself and down time away from home.  He loves you and desires to give you good things--refreshing things.

In Christ,

a Mommy who relates