Hi Sherryrf`113~

It sure sounds like you've got a difficult situation in your young marriage.  I've never been in your boat, but have heard how really complicated it is to blend families.  Not impossible~ just a enormous challenge.  I'll leave the real counseling to the counselors (if you'd like to talk things through with one, just call- it's free) All you shared though, brought a couple of things to mind that I wanted to comment on, mom-to-mom~

First and foremost, it was so easy to hear that you are a loving, caring mom.  Even so, you and your husband have got to get on the same page. We have 3 girls and sometimes we need time (away- at a coffee shop) to regroup and plan how we're going to handle certain things. We want our kids to see us as a united team- that Mom & Dad are together on decisions-- so we try never have conversations about these decisions in front of them. Away, he and I can really discuss things freely as we work towards on an agreement on how to handle some certain issue with one or all of our children.

For whatever reason, your husband may be struggling with how to approach things with his little girl who is quickly growing up---  Does he feel badly about saying "no" because she's experienced the loss of not living with her mom anymore?  Whatever the case, he's got to lead on this front.  If this is too complex and you two are not sure how to start giving this girl some boundaries-- you may want to take me up on the offer to talk things through with a counselor. 

The other thing that struck me was a real sadness for your stepdaughter- not that you haven't been loving- I can tell you've really tried to build bridges with her, but she's been through so much in her young life Without healthy boundaries on what she's allowed to do and how she's permitted to act-- she has to feel insecure (even though she's somewhat belligerent).  We've seen in our family how much our kids need to know that we care SO much for them...that we are willing and able to say "no" to them.  And I can see how you must sometimes feel like your hands are tied because this is a blended family. With your other children having more strict boundaries, she must know that she's being allowed to 'run things' (somewhat) for herself. Both of you have all this great experience at parenting, who knew that this would be so tricky? I'm going to pray for you and your husband that you will be able to make headway in developing a plan together for this precious family.

Also, I want to recommend several resources to you: 

The Smart Stepfamily

Have a New Kid By Friday

Home Court Advantage (I read this one...and it really explains the value of keeping kids close- it gives them such security and make for a much more tight-knit family)

And, you'll notice I've linked some articles thoughout my post...hope they're helpful.  I can only imagine all you're up against, but I know God can bring healing and new life to all of your relationships. 

I would love to hear from others who have blended families. How did you and your spouse find the common ground in parenting???

Laura

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