Thanks for the advice. I totally agree with you. I've tried hard to focus on the affair itself and not her problems. I need to be concerned in what can be changed in me and my attitudes, not in what others should be doing. I must admit that I'm getting weary. She takes every opportunity to tell everyone that I had an affair, this includes everyone in our church, friends, family, business associates, my employees, the cleaning service, mail man, etc. No joke! Most of all she has been and continues to share intimate details of our marriage with her daughter (my step-daughter). She is frustrated because I want to "keep it private". I personally believe that private sin deserves private confession and public sin deserves public confession. Naturally I'm ashamed of what I've done. I don't see any good in spreading it around our church, friends, family, etc. What good can come of that? What sore of an example does this set for her daughter?

Now it has escalated to involving the police. She has called the authorities on at least four occasions. Each time they have indicated that there is nothing they can do. No crime has taken place. For example today we were driving back from an appointment and we got into an argument. I hit the brakes and pulled over. She got on the phone with 911 and the police showed up. I hadn't even raised my voice. I just pulled over.

To make matters worse I'm already on probation and have been for three years. She knew this when we got married. She has twisted the truth and tried using my PO and the police. Once I slammed a door, next I went out with friends to sing Karaoke, next I used joint funds to pay our bills and lastly I pulled over while in an argument. Each one of these incidents raises the eyebrows of my PO.

It is all petty stuff and she was doing this BEFORE the affair. I used these incidents as an excuse to justify my transgression. I admit that I was wrong. I've been selfish, rude, angry, dishonest, unfaithful and resentful, I'm in counseling four times a week (family, anger management, couples and individual). I've been in therapy for seven years. I'm just beginning to grow weary and fear that there is nothing more that I can do.

I ask God each day to direct my thinking. That it be divorced of self-pity and selfish thinking. I pray for His protection and care. I also ask him to show me where I can be of service to others. Daily I ask Him what I should do in this marriage. God hates divorce. Maybe I just need to leave her alone for a month or so. I don't know.

I agree with you completely. Thanks for your kind words. Things haven't really improved much with her since my last post. However I am growing from this. Our counselor told her two weeks ago that there was nothing he could do for us unless her committment level was higher. I understand that she is hurt and probably confused. It seems to me that we won't really be able to move forward unless she accepts responsibility for the part that she has played in our marriage. Our troubles started way before I stepped out. This anger and bitterness is standing in her way. We're at the point now where she doesn't even want to sit with me in church or to come by our house. I was so hurt last Sunday that I had to leave right before the service started. Don't get me wrong, I'm not there for her, I'm there to worship the Lord. I was just caught off guard by her actions because we seemed to be making progress the week before.

Most of the people that she is seeking "advice" from aren't believers and as a result she is getting conflicting information. I have to admit I get a little uptight when I see these individuals because I see them as a threat to the moral fabric of our marriage. I don't dare say anything to them because my wife values her friendships with others more than she values the marriage at this point.

The best thing I can do at this point is when I become agitated or doubtful simply ask God for the right thought or action and become willing to believe and trust His direction.

Another thing that I've done is at the suggestion of my doctor I've started taking medication for depression. This has been a tremendous help. God gives us the gift of medicine and healing so I don't feel guilty or ashamed. I've recently been diagnosed with a mental illness. I've suspected that something was wrong for years but my pride stood in my way. Today I'm willing to face these trials and tribulations.

God is truly a Glorious God. He can do all things. If he can create a universe he can repair my marriage.