I have noticed something in my life that may help you - when I stopped "needing" something, I very often got it, and if I didn't, it didn't matter because I didn't need it anymore. Perhaps it's about letting go? I don't know. I think there might be something in our hunger for affection or affirmation that can actually get in the way of us getting it. Or perhaps our legitimate needs may be registered by others as "neediness"?

So what do you do with this need? Go to God, to his word and ask Him what he thinks of you. Tell yourself what you like about yourself too. A while ago I felt so discouraged and couldn't find much loveable about me - until I actually started reading God's word and then telling myself what I had learnt. I struggled to say “I am”. Instead, I would say “You are…”. For example: “You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are a child of God. You are created in God’s image”.

Approaching our partners with the same concerns the same way when we haven’t had success probably suggests a different way of expressing ourselves may be more helpful. I guess what I am saying here is that communication skills are critical - taking all judgement out of your language, being able to communicate what you feel without blaming or accusing. It’s actually quite difficult to do. I follow a model called “nonviolent communication” or “compassionate communication” and find it extremely helpful.

With all this said, I believe that only God can meet our needs, whether He does so through others, or directly Himself. Taking our needs to Him, is the best way I know of getting them met.