Dear metalcore1889,
I am praying for you today. Here are a few words in support of the great advice already offered to you by alabasterbox and Jessica.
In my opinion, one spouse should NEVER physically grab the other. Outside accountability may be needed to make sure that this boundary of physical respect is not violated again. I recommend having a pastor or professional counselor fill this role, rather than a friend. The time to make this appeal to outside accountability is now.
Yes, your husband may get angry with you, and even accuse you of “trying to wear the pants in the family.” In your heart, you know the truth. As I see it, both parties benefit from learning new ways of handling disagreement and stress to avoid further physical disrespect.
As for your getting help, it’s hard to admit that you hurt yourself when others have hurt you. Professional counselors understand that many people cut themselves when their pain exceeds their ability to cope with it. Don’t let your self-critical tendency keep you from receiving help. The fact that you raise this issue suggests that you’ve already made up your mind to be fully honest with your prospective counselor, and are willing to assume your own portion of responsibility. Congratulations! You get it. You seem open to learning new options for handling pain and resolving conflict. The pastor or counselor can serve as a teacher and guide, in what is likely to be a process of learning rather than just a one-time session.
As has been mentioned previously, our staff of professional counselors stands ready to assist you, from 6 am until 8 pm, Mountain Time, Monday through Friday.
Jim, Ph.D.
Focus on the Family Counselor
