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9,211 Views 83 Replies Last post: Dec 29, 2009 8:18 PM by merciful2320 RSS Go to original post 1 2 3 4 5 6 Previous Next
merciful2320 Community Member
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60. Nov 16, 2009 8:50 AM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?
So I really don't know what to do.  I am pouring my heart out to my husband almost on a daily basis and feel like I get nothing in return.  I am realizing how much of a co-dependent I am.  Last night my husband and I were talking.  I told him that I was upset because he had not read any of the books I asked him to read regarding what has happened.  His excuse is that he does not like to read.  I know that, I am not asking him to move a mountain but to read a few pages at a time, to better understand me.  Then he said it wasn't that he didn't want to but....  Again denial, I just told him that it was denial and he got up and was mad.  He made an all inclusive statement that "So everything is a lie"  and said he didn't want to talk anymore and went and slept in our sons room.  I am tired of him walking away emotionally, physically and or both.  The whole drive to work today I was thinking that I would leave 1/2 day and go file for divorce.  It is so hard right now.  I thought marriage was hard before it is 20,000 x's worse trying to fix it when I feel like he doesn't care.  What gets me is that he openly admitted that he did not love me when he had the affair but he did the very next day after.  After he had messed around and got his kicks.  I feel like he is with me for security reason not because he wants to be with me.  I do love him and I do want this to work, but already having a bad day.  I don't know what to do and I wish if he didn't want to be in this marriage he would make up his mind on what he wants and just do it, so I can move on in either direction.
love Community Member
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61. Nov 16, 2009 6:10 PM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?
hello.im love ,i to had a affair.me and my wife of 20 years are still battling it.she allso had a affair but not .it was with a man in prison she sent him nacked pictures and love letters.me and my wife are verry strong.i was doing every thing for her to after i told her.i riped her hart out and can never forget that day.its ben 3 years now.and we fight some times.but not about that she says i wont to much sex all the time.i love her and would never hurt her again.she still gets really madd at me.the thing about it is he did tell you.and you really should understand and be carring.but allso let him know that you are verry hurt too.i still need help to understand what my wife really wonts.i just can not figer her out.i need help still after all this time.my wife has a low sex drive or something.do you have any suggions for me.love.
merciful2320 Community Member
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62. Nov 16, 2009 8:06 PM in response to: love
Re: Where to go from here?

Love

I am not sure what you are wanting advice about.  I am no expert, because 99% of the time I am not certain I know what I want or need.  As for her and what she needs I have to say that my husband openly admits that he can't talk to me or open up.  SO if you do find it easy to talk to her don't with hold, she deserves to hear how you are feeling, the pain, the sadness, the hopes, the fears, the dreams, and ect.  When you with hold you are not giving 100%, I don't know if that is an issue with you.  My husband claims that he thinks of thoughtful things all the time to say to me or do but just doesn't.  Get over the barriers that may inhibit you like my husband and just do it, with out expecting anything in return.  When we do something to only make us feel better it is selfish the deed has lost its meaning.  As for the sex life she may want to have more sex, but because of her mixed feelings about you and the possibility that she may still be harboring feelings for this other person it may be barriers for her to let go.  For me I desire it with my husband and think about it even during the day, but when the time comes I sometimes avoid it because I have only been able to be completely free of the mental images of him and her once during the deed, so imagine how hard that may be.  I struggle daily with pain and sorrow, I try not to dwell in it, but I am learning that for too long in our relationship I have lived in denial.  Denial of our feelings can penetrate our inner most being.  So my form of denial with my intimacy issues lead me to push him away, allow a small headache to be more exaggerated, and many more examples.  One of the things that I have perfected in my state of denial through my whole marriage is twisted assests.  I would try to do things that I would want my husband to do in hopes that he would love me more, just to seek his approval not just show my love.  So denial runs deep and I am just beginning to touch the tip of the ice berg, but I bet she is in denial to the point where she may not even know it, because she has denied her painful feelings for so long.  It leads us to push people away.  How do you fix it?  I am not sure, I wish I knew.  Pray with her, be patient and explain your desires for her, and give her space to soak in your desires for her.  I wish I could be more of a help to you, but I can't.  I am truly in a very bad point right now and find it hard to believe that anyone can truly recover from this, I can only pray that we all can.  I just feel very little hope most days.  Just keep her feelings, and expectation in your mind.  I would really recommend Shattered Vows it is a book that really expresses the pains that a woman goes through and how to heal.  Also counseling.  Again I wish I had more, God Bless

bleedingout Community Member
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63. Nov 20, 2009 6:32 AM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

Merciful,

 

(hug)

 

I know you are in a low point.  We want to feel wrapped up in love, to feel that we are the most important thing to our husbands at this point.  That they would do anything to capture our hearts, win us back and to be able to stay in our lives. Unfortunately, they seem to want to close off, move away and hope it all gets better.  They feel freer because the secret is out but then they still have their deceptive behaviour habits.  I am so sorry your husband has not truly realized what a gift you are and what a HUGE gift it is that you are allowing him to stay in your life at this time.

 

My husband just attended his SA meeting and he came home extremely depressed.  I asked him what had happened.  He told me a new member had come and he had the same story as us.  He had been using P&M and then slipped further by having adulterous affairs.  His wife had found out and now had kicked him out.  His 3 children are young and devastated at losing their father.  His older preteen has only rage and anger at how he threw away their mother for a series of sexual thrills.  She is pursuing divorce and total financial annihilation.  My husband realized that there but by the grace of God was his future.  He kept telling me how grateful he was for my mercy and grace and how horrible he felt for this man.  Before I realized it I blurted out that the man should have thought about what he was forfeiting before climbing into bed with other women.  My husband looked at me and I said, yes that is still how I feel.  I feel that way about you and him.  I don't know why God is holding me here.  I don't know why I still have some love for you and why I have allowed you to stay..but make no mistake,,,,I don't want to at many times.  There are many days that I wish I hadn't and many when I think God can heal this break.  The choice will largely be up to you...if you do not become a man with a pure heart, then you will more than likely embark on the same path as this new brother of yours.

 

He began to cry and tell me how terribly sorry he is for all he has done and how he is very committed to becoming the man God called him to be. I found that my heart was not softened and I just barely replied.

 

I know how you feel when you are on the roller coaster.  I know what it is to crawl into the bed at night tortured by feelings of no worth, unloved, and uncared for.  Disrespected.  I pray that your husband will begin to realize how precious you are and how close he is to losing the best parts of his live.

 

Father,

 

Your word in Psalms 46 says you are an everpresent friend in times of trouble.  That we need not fear the earth disintergrating if we are planted in you.  There is no need for fear.  In Psalms 139 you say you hem us in on every side, you know our thoughts, you created us in our entirety.  Bless Merciful.  Bless her decision to work with her husband.  Lord, turn his heart totally to you.  Show him with your eyes the gift he has been given in grace and mercy.  Show him how to be the husband that she needs.  Show him how to tangibly wrap her up in safety, love and comfort.  Allow him to see what could be in both extremes...healing and loss.  Lord, continue to woo his heart.  Remove pride and any barriers that keep him from cherishing Merciful and atoning to her.  Comfort her and allow her to feel your presence in the weak moments.  Restore her sense of beauty and worth.  Give her beauty for ashes and clean out the fireplace so that no more ashes remain.  We stand together in the storm knowing that you are directing the path and are our shield.

 

Thank you father for the answer of prayers and the ability to pray with one another, bearing each others burdens.

 

bleedinout

merciful2320 Community Member
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64. Nov 20, 2009 12:57 PM in response to: bleedingout
Re: Where to go from here?

Thanks for your words of encouragement!  I had a real break through in my recovery.  I was finally was able to push through all the denial and many suppressed memories that lead to resentment before the affair.  I admitted them to my husband and he of course was hurt and I expected it, but I felt bad for him.  I felt sympathetic.  Since this realization I have felt more comfortable with him and less resentful, I have caught myself in a few sarcastic remarks, but better internally.  Our pastor during counseling said that I referred to my husband by name for the first time since we started, instead of calling  him "him", which indicates a sign of disrespect.  So I feel like I have made a break through.  As for my husband not realizing what he has done or changing many of his actions, I am just trying to change myself and grow.  If I heal from this and still feel no change from him I do have choices, but I pray as he sees the changes in my faults, he will desire to change.

 

I am happy that your husband is attending SA.  I am glad that he was able to see what his life could have been.  I think you did the right thing to point out to him that things could still make a turn for the worse.  I don't feel like the way you described how you approached the issue was inappropriate.  I pray that God will continue to keep his heart broken.  I know you did not feel anything when you saw his broken heart, but I pray that some day you will be able to.  Take it a day at a time.  I am re-reading Shattered Vows and when I first read the book it made sense, but now that the shock of the whole thing is over. I find that I am really finding practical steps for my recovery.  I would focus first and foremost on your recovery and healing.

 

God

Thank You for bleeding out.  Your psalm 46 has always been my favorite and I appreciate her for reminding me that Your presences is with me at all times.  I pray Lord for her.  Hold her and allow her to be willing to see her own faults.  Lord I have felt the same emotions that she has and You have brought me to a different place and I thank You.  I pray that You give her hope that her heart can change.  Let her lean on You with all those "what if's" and fears so that heart can be reformed in you.  Lord just bring Your loving presence over her. Lord I know there are many things she is dealing with that she may not feel comfortable talking about, You know all those things please work through all those with her.  Thank You God for all you do!

AMEN

bleedingout Community Member
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65. Nov 20, 2009 9:17 PM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

merciful,

 

Thank you for your words.  I have been confronting my own selfishness and pride today.  I know it is my pride that keeps rearing up.  The counselor reminded me of that today and said it is my pride that ruled some of my actions these past two weeks.  I wish I saw her every week as she keeps it real for me.  When I told her I felt so much of my pride has been rubbed in the dirt and wanted to hold on to some of it (confusing it with dignity) she reminded me that pride goes before the fall.  OUCH!  I do know I have to focus on my own healing.

 

I will try to re-read Shattered Vows (if I ever get it back from my husband)..I wish he would read it a little speedier.  I think the first time through, I mostly saw how I felt and the things that demonstrated the woundedness.  I need to reread the parts about working through this together, our coping methods, triggers, and the way we respond to difficulties.  Sometimes I wonder how she could have forgiven so much and think I am on the brink of NO MORE.  The world, the church and everyone just reminds us that we are allowed to seek divorce b/c of his affair but it doesn't mean we have to.  I want to hold on to my marriage but I need to stay away from co-dependent behaviors and the detective behaviors.  I don't know what is good or not. I think maybe spyware would be good to provide me with more peace of mind but is that then taking it into my hands?

 

I am releasing the anger and bitterness towards God and immersing myself in his word. I realize that i may never know why he allowed this to happen and me to exist in the fog of not knowing.  there must be some glory that will come of it.

 

thank you for the gift of honesty and prayers.

 

bleedinout

mojomom5556 Community Member
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66. Nov 23, 2009 5:57 AM in response to: bleedingout
Re: Where to go from here?

Bleedingout,

 

    I appreciate soo much your words about going to counseling and talking about the pride issue.  This is still such an issue with me!  I have two good days, then one bad one, and it seems to stem from my thoughts about "how dare he, how dare her, etc."  I always felt good about myself before all this I thought, and now I feel I have been "something scraped off shoes!" Then the anger and rage start up.  One thing I try to remember is that these actions by my husband and the OW are THEIR shortcomings. It doesn't mean I was the perfect wife or there is not a message to both of us from the affair; but they CHOSE their actions. Affairs are selfish.  They show immaturity in that most of them are just a creation of some 'dream world' relationship with no problems or day to day living in a marriage and family.

 

     I truly believe that Satan is having a heyday in marriages right now.  So many are tricked into thinking "it isn't so bad to do this or that, the whole world is doing it."  Just think of all the recent high profile people lately caught up in this evil trap! Satan seeks to destroy wherever he can, and this is certainly a devastation to not only the ones doing it, but all of the family members in the fall-out.

 

     Merciful, thanks for praying and kind words; I feel I go for days on end and that no one understands, cares, etc.,until I get on this forum.  I do feel more even-keeled than I used to and I do know that God can use this complete mess for His glory.  Sometimes I can't even utter a prayer and I just cry out "Jesus help me." It is also such a strange feeling of needing a spouse to love and care for you emotionally, spiritually,  physically, and at the same time want to breathe out fire like a dragon and scorch him!!  (I can be the queen of sarcasm and anger)!!

 

     I am praying daily for healing in our marriages.  I will lift you guys up to the only One who can make all of us able to bare this heartbreak. I pray for our spiritual growth through this incredible painful journey. God bless...mojomom

mommaof4 Community Member
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67. Nov 23, 2009 8:31 AM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

do you love your husband? Does he tell you he loves you right now?  if the answer is yes then you have some hope. you can turn this around with Gods help, lets talk.  You are going down a road i have walked in and came out winning!

mojomom5556 Community Member
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68. Nov 23, 2009 7:45 PM in response to: mommaof4
Re: Where to go from here?

Mommaof4,

 

    I do love my husband and I know he loves me dearly.  It is a miracle we are together, except 1) God 2) we are best friends, companions, lovers (wow..sounds crazy with the amount of infidelity involved in my case), but true!  3) Believers!  But I am in such a struggle ..for many reasons..no family support (my parents have long been deceased)..friends..hardly any know mainly because we have had to move over 10 times cross country..makes it more difficult to share..even with believers. His parents are supportive but are very aged and live in denial to some extent. I am at a time of empty-nesting as well...but praise God...two solid and beautiful children!  I feel like an oxymoron..I think I have much to offer others, but at the same time am in such need of ears and help in getting through this terrible betrayal of his "other" life he lived for years..any help, encouragememt, prayers, advice is appreciated..I NEED to hear about those who are 'winning!"again, I add to my prayer list every night this forum; we share the same pain and struggles even if the details are not exactly the same..God bless you all.~mojomom

bleedingout Community Member
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69. Nov 23, 2009 7:47 PM in response to: mommaof4
Re: Where to go from here?

mommaof4,

 

Yes,  I do love my husband and he does keep telling me he loves me.  I would love to talk to you about your winning.  I could use some encouragement and words of wisdom.  We are in the fight but many times I feel alone and that it would be easier to throw in the towel.  It seems all around me people are getting divorced and I wonder why we aren't.  I certainly hope it isn't pride.  I want to believe the best but I do still have many fears about the future.  Sometimes I get angry when people ask me "don't you trust God?".  The answer is yes and I still was deceived for 7 years by the person I thought was my best friend and I was closest to on this earth.  I am willing to fight the fight but I don't know how.

 

Right now I am dreading tomorrow's counseling where I have to confront him yet again.  This time on a lie of omission.  This gets very old and tiring.  I am trying to focus on the good but he keeps blowing opportunities to rebuild trust.  I know he has a long habit of lying and deception to overcome but that doesn't make it easier.

 

bleedingout

merciful2320 Community Member
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70. Nov 24, 2009 8:15 AM in response to: mojomom5556
Re: Where to go from here?

Bleedingout- I still struggle daily with my pride.  Although God is showing me many things over the past weeks about my own faults, and role in the infidelity, I to have been holding on to pride and confusing it with dignity.  I still struggle with my pain. Yesterday for example, I was really struggling with getting out of my head the picture of the two of them together and imagining what her body was like for him.  Each time I was praying to God that he would distract me, trying to praise Him in my head. But I was still distracted which led me to feel hurt and frustrated.  When I got home I continued in my co-dependent nature and asking him what he did and got frustrated when he didn’t do what I expected.  Then later in the night I realized how I had been and felt remorse about it.  So I tried to talk to him about it and he listened but was obviously upset.  So then later when he was feeling better I tried to talk to him about my thoughts earlier in the day.  I was having a hard time looking at him or expressing my pain because of the tears and he did say he was sorry.  When I finally looked at him, it was the same emotionless face I always see.  I didn’t say anything else.  We then went in the other room and he knew something was wrong.  I told him I was hurt that he had not emotion over the fact that I was hurting.  He then went off the deep end and was yelling at me. All I could do was cry.  I cried and argued how I felt for 2 ½ hrs, even begging him to give this issue time, he wouldn’t.  All this went on while out kids were awake (which breaks my heart), once the kids were down then I said for my sanity I had to be alone and I took a bath.  As soon as I was out of the bathroom he was in attack mode again.  He finally admitted to me that he had frowned at me when I first told him how I felt. That he was mad that I felt he had no emotion. I tried to listen, but really I just wanted the fighting to end.  I did hear that he needed more acknowledgements of him trying and to know that I loved him.  What he doesn’t know is that I need the same thing.  So this morning as I was reading scripture, God showed me scripture on encouraging others and how when we give into our hardened hearts that we can’t do that.  So I felt really slapped in the face by God this morning.  I still struggle with my pride.  It is not to say that I feel that my needs have been met by my husband on the contrary but I am trying to feel and show true love however foreign that may be to me. 

As for loving my husband I do and I think he does love me.  Hurts and hang ups keep us on our agendas.  For me it is learning to submit to the Lord and give Him my hurts.  I struggle everyday because all I want to do is give them to my husband.

Mojomom-I completely understand feeling like that you want to give but you need so much.  Many of my feelings and emotions go unfelt in my opinion by my husband and so I do find comfort here too.  I think I would be on here all the time writing out my feelings, but there are not enough hours in the day, between work, kids, husband, church and the home.  I too need to hear solid advice from others on their winning. I find things that others go through on here help me to see my own areas that need work.  If anyone has advice feel free to give it.

I hope that with Thanksgiving this week we can find things that we are truly thankful for in ourselves, others and our husband.  Have a great day and God Bless!

merciful2320 Community Member
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71. Dec 2, 2009 7:52 AM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

Still struggling in the day to day with grief and pain.  I just keep reading scripture and praying.  I know that I am not completely giving everything to God otherwise I would have peace.  I really don't know what I am holding on to now.  Everything I have tried before and after the affair has not worked and I still feel hurt, insecure, unloved and pained.  Why can't I just let go?  I tried to talk to my husband again about what I needed from him and what he still hasn't been able to meet.  Again it did not go well.  He started pointing out all my fault, which for the first time in my life I am completely aware of and broken over.  Which only makes me feel worse asking for anything from him. But...    He just gets mad and angry.  I feel like he really doesn't care.  His words mean nothing when his actions don't meet his words.  I feel less like trying to talk to him each time because I know how it is going to go.  It didn't matter that I was hurting, God forbid the light be on him.  I am frustrated and want to keep trying but feel so tired of it all.  I don't want to keep doing this but I don't want to separate and I feel like if I stay in at this point it will be like this forever.  How do I just focus on my healing and push aside what I feel I deserve and need from him?  I am lost and in need of prayer and advice. 

bleedingout Community Member
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72. Dec 3, 2009 6:19 AM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

Merciful,

 

I am so sorry you are in the same cycle.  I am in it too but I think it is part of the grieving process.  I am still grieving all the losses that His affair have brought to our lives.  He, too, becomes angry when I want to revisit it or talk about details, my feelings about it, etc.  I, now know that it is because he wants to move forward and feels that I am destroying the efforts we are making.  I had to remind him that this is NOT about him and I may need some things to be about me for a while before I can truly focus on US.  I have many good and bad days.  The bad days cycle through for about a week after 1-2 good days.  At least I have a few good days now.

 

Infidelity brings death into a marriage and death can be a long grieving process.  My mother just told me this weekend that for 7 years after her parents died that she would still uncontrollably lose it and cry at some reminder of them.  Wow, I never knew.  God brought it home to me that I am suffering a death in my marriage and while grief is terrible, there is a time to grieve and that there are real losses here.  We are struggling to make it through but grace and mercy have to come through Jesus because I just can't offer it now.

 

I struggle with my self-image, my worth, my sexuality.  I feel like all of it has been taken from me but the truth is that no one can take these things.  I have to remind myself of the truth daily b/c the enemy sure does like to remind me of all my shortcomings.

 

God, your word says that all your promises are true.  You say in Isaiah 43 that we are chosen by you.  Chosen, what a wonderful word.  We are his choice, his prize, his treasure.  Wow, to be the choice of the almighty!   Just that thought alone is enough reminder that we are to let our worth reside in Jesus.  I struggle to remind myself of these things but Lord, I want to believe your word.  You say that we will walk through fire and not be burned.  I believe that this includes the "hell" of infidelity.  We can emerge victorious b/c you say so.  Bless Merciful.  Let her know how to grieve, where to share her grief and provide her husband with the brokeness that only you can provide.  Allow him to have true empathy and remorse so that the anger dissipates in his need to reassure her.

 

Amen.

 

Merciful,  I am struggling with you but remain hopeful for our future.

 

bleedingout

merciful2320 Community Member
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73. Dec 16, 2009 9:17 PM in response to: bleedingout
Re: Where to go from here?
Bleedingout I thank you for your kind words.  I find peace reading responses on here, but find myself more and more depressed and hopeless as time goes on.  We are now going to counseling every 2 weeks.  So 2 weeks ago at counseling I talked about how I felt disappointed and more distant from him with each day that he did not express his feelings.  My husband of course did not have much to say the whole time despite my tears and expression of pain.  As soon as we were in the car he was angry.  He was even yelling at me because he could not believe that I was still having doubts, that I didn't see this that he had done this or that.  I was crying even more and he became more angry.  He was so insensitive.  He is not sympathic and does not even begin to fathom the pain he has caused me.  I think that for the past 4 months he thought he could be quiet and nod and think that was enough, it is not!  By the time we got home he was saying he was done.  Through tears I told him I was no longer going to beg him to stay and he said nothing.  He did not leave but he never apologized or acknowledge how awful he was.  Since then I have not felt comfortable at all or safe in expressing my feelings to him.  Last night we tried to have sex.  I just couldn't do it.  It wasn't that he wasn't trying but it just felt so gross and mechanical.  I am completely turned off by the idea of sex with him or any man.  I am becoming more and more despising of men as time goes on.  I feel really upset that I saved myself for my husband and he destroyed my purity and my commitment and was never commited.  He was always addicted to porn and choose them many times over me.  I never even knew it.  I am angry and hurt all over again.  Last night when I couldn't have sex with him, I through tears explained why.  He didn't say anything, but listened.  I ended up rolling over and not saying anything else until I cried myself to sleep.  Today he was acting as if nothing is wrong.  I feel so upset internally all the time and he just doesn't get it.  I am still going through a 12 step class for Celebrate Recovery.  It has helped me to see where I was in denial about my marriage, my husband and myself.  I am really struggling with giving over every hurt and detail that distracts me to God.  When I do I give it completely and feel peace, but small things distract me.  For example, I asked for prayer for myself as I am struggling with personal issues in my church prayer chain.  The other woman then tried to make contact and ask if it was related to her or not.  I could not resist and I told her the truth.  I told her but I read and reread the email 10 times and deleted all the slandours things, but the truth was spoken.  I have been completely distracted by that.  Also I have not been to a church service for over a month because I am afraid of seeing her and for fear of letting my true emotions go if someone were to talk to me.  I am in desperate need of prayer as I struggle.  I am also in need of prayer for a change in feelings towards my husband.  I am getting to a point of pain and dislike of him that I am not sure if I want to keep trying.  I know God has called me to do more, to try harder in our relationship, I just don't know if I can listen to HIM on this issue.  Please pray for me!
bleedingout Community Member
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74. Dec 17, 2009 9:12 PM in response to: merciful2320
Re: Where to go from here?

Merciful,

 

My heart is aching for you right now.  I want to lie down and weep with you.  I have walked through a lot of pain and anger on this journey and after 4 months am no closer to understanding why or if there is an end in sight.  I find myself obsessing over the details of his affairs, it is as if I believe if I have all the details no matter how graphic, then I will feel better and be better able to understand how it happened.  It doesn't work that way.  I still don't understand how he could have thrown away our marriage vows, our friendship and my love for the false embrace of another or others.   How can the mechanical sex and fantasy been more real than his real life?  I will never understand this.  I will also never understand why God has allowed the secret life to go on for 7 years.  Why didn't he expose the truth before, and why did he call me to work this out?

 

Only you will know if you are released from staying in your marriage.  I pray that God will give you clarity of mind and purpose.  I pray as he becomes your source of truth and happiness, he will reveal new things to you about your own captivating beauty.  I truly understand what it is like to begin to doubt everything you ever believed about yourself, your sexuality, your attractiveness, etc.  I know what it is like to wonder what am I missing that they have?  What is it that they do better or is it that they are somehow more than me?

 

God,  I don't want to waste a moment but earnestly seek you and your deliverance from all this chaos and pain for merciful.  Lord, you know she is blameless but is being held in a critical light.  You know she is earnestly seeking your blessing but feels destroyed from all sides.  Her church home no longer is a safe place for her but one of pain, she has no home to worship in.  Her husband is not understanding, he is still operating in his own selfish way.  She does not feel encouraged but is barely holding on feeling lost and alone.  She is scared of the feelings she has and her ability to be intimate and reconnect with her husband has been destroyed.  Lord, you say you hem us in on all sides in your word Psalm 139.   I ask that you hem her in now and be her protector from all evil that seeks to destroy.  Lord, give her a clear picture of who she is in you.  Let her see her captivating beauty.  Her purpose and your purpose for her.  Allow her to see with spiritual eyes your presence and give her wisdom and clarity of mind.  Let her know how you want her to respond.  Give her words and actions.  Let her know they come directly from you and leave no doubt.

 

Restore her femininity and make her feel special.  I ask that you continue to work in HIS heart, breaking it and tearing out the pride and self-righteousness.  Bring humility and love.  Only through your perfect love and mercy can this be healed.  I ask that you will bring grace and love to this home.  May her husband realize the precious gift a second chance is and what an amazing woman he is married to.  Most would have just departed and been quite justified in not even trying....Merciful is seeking to do your will and continuing on a path of grace in her attempts to put her home together and extend him an opportunity to work through this pain.  Lord, I pray you will remove his blinders and let him see the ugly truth of his own actions and the beautiful grace his wife offers.  Thank you in advance for the answer to these prayers.

 

bleedingout

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