I need some advice!  Alot of you might wish you had this problem but the last few months I'm getting very tired of it.  My 43 year old husband lost his construction job six months ago and since then decided that he wants to become a pastor.  Let me fill you in on a few things.  First of all we've been married 9.5 years and have four kids age 7,5,4,and 2!  They are great and I love them to death and I would never do anything to jeapordize them or my marriage.  THis is our second year of hs'ing and I loved last year.  My husband (let's call him Tom) started taking a course through the church and studying with one of our pastors, this was fine although I was against the idea of him being a pastor at first.  Then I started to come around but we talked about it and I don't want to give up hs'ing and the only way he could become a "real" pastor is to first get an associates degree (he has no college at all) and then he'd have to go to the seminary for another four years.  As I said I don't want to give up hs'ing and since he's lost his job I have had to go and get a part time housekeeping job, which I don't mind to much as there are still some days that I can teach and he is teaching on the days I can't.  He could still become a lay minister with the courses he is taking now with our pastor bue he just keeps pushing me to accept all this other stuff and he keeps telling people that he can go to school and do this and that and he seems to be ignoring my wants on this matter.  Am I just being selfish?  I don't think so as I always seem to give up so much for him and the kids.  I have a degree and have no career because I gave it up to have kids and then to teach them.  (which I am fine with)  I just think that at his age and given our financial position (we are about to lose our house) there is no reasonable way for him to go to school and not have a decent paying job.  Then he makes comments like, (as far as the homeschooling), "it would only be for a couple of years, and you weren't going to hs them in high school anyway".  And your point is? 

Then he is spending all of his time on church stuff, either at home he sits at his computer and does stuff for church and then he goes to church and does more and then he is on 3 committees for the church plus he records all the services and then he is running their web site and now he is compiling info on attendence and where we are going to be in 10 years and as if that wasn't enough he is now going through all the finacial records for the last 30 years!  I've told him I thought he was doing to much and he said he would drop one of the committees but that hasn't happened and he took on all this other stuff.  It's like we never talked about it all.  And then when I say "why don't you just sleep there"  (on Sunday after we got home from church, he went back to church at 12:15 pm and was there till after 10:00 pm a night).  But if I say anything he says "at least I'm not at the bar" which is true, but  . . . 

I'm just tired of what he is doing!  I sometimes have thoughts of an old friend of mine and wondering how he is and what it would be like married to him.  Like I said I would never leave him and jeapordize my kids or anything but I'm tired of not having sex because he goes to bed three hours after I do and I can't stay up to "wait" for him and I have to get up early either to work or to get the kids going and he sleeps till 9am or later.  He doesn't finish any job that he starts, like he put in new windows but didn't finish it completly.  I've talked to him about it but it just seems like I'm wasting my breath.  Where is he tonight?  At church.  He doesn't even plan on going deer hunting this year because of something going on at church that weekend that he has to be there for.

Where did my husband go?