I think you should listen to the people who have been telling you to get out!  I'm not saying give up on the marriage.  Keep going to counseling etc., but if he is physically and verbally abusing you this is not healthy for you or your unborn daughter.  And what might happen when she is born and won't stop crying some night?  He might really hurt her.  I would put all my wants aside to save and protect my child if I were you.  Can you talk to his parents?  Has he started doing drugs since you married him if this isn't the same person who you married, or was that just the "honeymoon"?  You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter don't take the abuse!

Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

God be with you.

Dear walked_on_419,

I hear the confusion in your posting.  Thank you for reaching out for help.  Physical, emotional, and verbal abusive imposes shame upon us, but we don't have to allow it to confinue.  Your posting name reveals the impact of this abuse.

You mentioned that your husband was different prior to marriage.  Could it be that he had an agenda and a related persona to get you to marry him?  Once his goal was reached, his true character was revealed.  Did you fall in love with the real person or with the persona?  If you are expecting him to change, he will need to experience some losses first.  Right now he has no reason to change, since life is going his way.

You mentioned your husband's lying, stealing, passive-aggressive behavior,  playing the blame-game, lacking motivation, kicking you in the stomach while pregnant, and dishonoring  you in many  other ways. God mandated the husband to honor his wife if he expects his prayers to be answered as noted in I Peter 3:7.   In I Timothy 5:8, it is written, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house (family), he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (unbeliever)."    This is what God's says.

Kougarten and Metalcore  had some wise thoughts for you.  Decisions you are making right now are not just about you.  Your daughter is counting on you to protect her.  In the womb she is able to hear the confusion.  Research reveals that a baby can get the impression while in the womb that they may have to take care of themselves.  This can alter the formation of their neuropathways.

Boundary setting is an option you have that will allow you to get out of God's way. BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE is a resource that could help you set limits.  Is there a safe environment where you can go?  Your husband loves himself, and he loved himself enough to find a great gal like you to marry.   But he does not respect himself or anyone who declares love for him.   He really needs some deep level therapy.   While he is deciding about how serious he is going to be in the counseling you all are now doing, you can make arrangements to be safe.

The Lord says that you are precious in His sight, lovable and honorable according to Isaiah 43:4a.  The Lord's perspective on you is not consistent with your husband's treatment toward you.   Who are you gong to choose to believe?  You were asking for help, and I am praying for you to have the courage to get to a safe place.   Thank you for trusting  FOTF  with your heart.

Submitted by Betty J., R.N., L.P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department