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353 Views 1 Replies Last post: Nov 20, 2009 2:35 PM by TessaFOTF RSS
sleeplessinflorida Community Member
sleeplessinflorida
1 posts since
Nov 17, 2009
Currently Being Moderated

Nov 18, 2009 4:20 PM

trying to keep my marriage please help

Hello, FOTF community.  This is my first post here.  I would ask that you all pray for me and my family.  My wife of 18 yrs wants a divorce.  We were high school sweethearts for 3 years before we got married.  About 10 yrs ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and about 5 years ago my 12 yr-old daughter was also similarly diagnosed.  i have always been a faithful husband, took my meds, and stayed away from most of the symptoms of this curse. My wife recently told me that she has been trying to hide her feelings for the last 10 yrs and did her best to seek help (we've seen 3-4 counselors over the years) but that my words, my controlling nature, and my emotional abuse has left her scarred and codependent.  We read an article about EA and she was right.  I just didnt listen to her or see it for what it really was all these years.  She also says not to try to change her mind, it would only be more codependence and make the transition more difficult.  I have begged forgiveness, sobbing every time something reminds me of her and cried myself to sleep every  night for the past 4 weeks- i have never experienced anything so painful.  I would rather have cancer and her true love, than this illness, the stigma, and pain it is now causing.  Our 3 kids don't yet know, but they aren't stupid, either.  This is destroying me and my faith.  This is the only safe place to talk right now, aside from professionals, since the social stigma has already made me lose 2 very close childhood friends; I cant blame them, though, given what the illness looks like in the media/society, so i don't tell anyone anymore. We both grew up in christian homes, and in spite of setbacks, I always believed Jer. 29:11, but no good plans have come to pass. I'm almost 40.  I guess my  question is am I alone? Has anyone survived similar circumstances?
Tags: marriage, divorce_prevention, communication_spouse, mental_health
TessaFOTF Focus Employee
TessaFOTF
316 posts since
Jul 16, 2007
Currently Being Moderated
1. Nov 20, 2009 2:39 PM in response to: sleeplessinflorida
Re: trying to keep my marriage please help

Hi sleepless. You've landed in a safe, caring community. Although I'm your first reply, you've had (at this writing) 69 views of your post. I translate that as 69 hearts that have already been praying for you and your family.

 

Your circumstances may be unique with your disorder factoring in, but we've all known suffering. In that ~ you are not alone! Be confident that God is in the midst of these troubles, and more than able to give you that "hope and a future" that you are believing in faith.

 

You mentioned that you'd undergone some counseling in recent years, but I wasn't clear whether you were under the care of a professional at this writing. If not, our counselors can offer immediate help on the phone and connect you with a referral in your area. I hope you'll take advantage of these services, even if your wife is not interested. There might even be a support group nearby that you could join.

 

Please stay in touch, okay?

 

Tessa

FOTF Forum Moderator

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