Returner1215,

Welcome to the forums!  I’m so glad you’ve joined us, and can I just say, “I hear ya!”  I have been EXACTLY in your shoes with my daughter, and I feel your pain.  LOL  There were days when I thought, “If I can’t handle her now, how in the world will I survive the teenage years!”

It was as if someone pulled a fast one on me, and switched my easy daughter for her alter ego.  I don’t know if it will help, but I will tell you what I did regarding the food scenarios.  You might have tried this already, but if not, it is worth mentioning.  It worked wonders for me.

When my daughter would throw things from her high-chair, I would pick them up and put them away.  Then I would say sweetly, “It looks like you’re not hungry!  O.k. dinner’s over.”  Then I would take her down.  She didn’t get anything but water for 1-2 hours.  It only took about three days of that until she realized that mealtime was over if she tossed her food . . . or tossed a fit.

Regarding the other situations, may I ask what the consequences are?  And are you consistent with the consequences?  Dr. Dobson has had a lot to say about the need for consistency in discipline, especially for small and strong-willed children.  They need to know that a certain behavior warrants a specific and unpleasant consequence.  Again, you may already be doing this, but I thought it worth asking.  I’ve included some links to additional resources that might help.  I think the first one might be of particular interest.

Why are toddlers so difficult?

Tantrums and Whining

On the other hand, trust your mothering instinct.  If you think there might be something else going on, maybe at preschool, check it out.  Have you talked to the preschool teacher to find out how he behaves when you aren’t around?  To this day, my girls behave so much better for other people than they do for me!  I was told that this is not uncommon.  However, if he is acting up at preschool, then it might be something deeper than the behavioral issues we’ve discussed, and I think it would be a good idea to run this by one of our counselors.  We just don’t want to leave any stone unturned – you need relief!

Do any of you other mothers out there have any tips for Returner1215?  Let’s hear them!  And I’m praying for you, Returner1215 – keep us posted on the progress, okay?

Praying . . .

KristyFOTF

Forum Moderator

I'm well familiar with the "looks" you're talking about, chloesmom. I got my share of them, too! The low point was when I was carrying a screaming, flailing toddler out of a store and passed our pediatrician in the doorway! That was almost 20 years ago, and I can assure you, things do get better!

It sounds like you are on the right track by aiming for consistency. A calm, steady, consistent approach will work ~ eventually. But it does take some time for it all to sink in. Toddlers are learning and growing so rapidly, and at the same time they're developing "minds of their own." It's no wonder they can be hard to handle! They do need to be taught to obey, but they often need the same lessons over and over again. Knowing that can take some of the pressure off ~ and help a mom gain confidence as she patiently clarifies boundaries and gives consequences for misbehavior.

You asked about spanking a child for hitting. Actually, we get that question a lot! Dr. Dobson has offered some thoughts on this subject here, and we have some more information on discipline, toddler misbehavior, and anger in toddlers that might help. You'll notice we have quite a few articles on these subjects ~ that's because there are so many parents who are going through the same things. Believe me, you are not alone!

Along these lines, if there's a MOPS group in your area, that might be a great way to connect with other moms who have little ones in this stage. Having a support system where you can share your struggles (and a few laughs!) might be just what you need!

Bless you, Mom!

Ann

FOTF Moderator