Sunshine41, I got a lump in my throat reading about the boy in your church. It's hard to believe that someone in his situation would take his own life over a breakup, and my heart breaks just imagining how this has impacted the good people in your church community.

Suicide has far-reaching effects because it impacts everyone who is left behind to pick up the pieces. I'm sure this is the case in your church. Could you share a little bit more about the boy's family? I can only imagine how his loss has ripped their hearts out...

From the sound of things, you and your family seem to be wrestling with the deeper implications of what happens to someone who does this to themselves. Indeed, there's something to be said for both sides of the conversation, but the reality is that only the Lord ultimately knows the outcome. That doesn't mean we should just push discussion on hard topics like this aside ~ instead, we should see it as an opportunity to share with others (especially impressionable young people) about the seriousness of a topic of this nature. I can see you've done that with your kids and it seems like you've had some great discussions as a result.

As I was thinking about this situation further, I came across a series of articles on Coping With Death and Grief that I thought might be helpful to your family and others in the church who've been impacted. In these articles, there's info on the various stages of the grieving process. There's also a good bit of material on dealing with Depression and Suicide that you may want to read, too.

Because you shared how much this whole situation has troubled you, I wanted to suggest you give us a call. We have a staff of counselors and chaplains here who have experience dealing with the issue of suicide. I think it would do you some good just to share your heart and many of your questions with one of our staff professionals. They'd love to hear from you and it won't cost you a thing! They could also offer some local referrals if you or anyone impacted needs to meet with someone on a one-on-one basis.

Please know that you, your family, and church family are in my prayers.

Nick

FOTF Forums Moderator

I had a friend whose husband was struggling with thoughts of suicide.  He believed he would still go to Heaven.  A number of us discussed this issue with him and I think we all concluded that this would be a part of the unpardonable sin (with exceptions).  First, here is why I believe this is a part of the unpardonable sin.  Many agree the unpardonable sin cannot be committed by a true Christian.  I agree 100%.  A Christian will not resist nor deny the work of the Holy Spirit.  A Christian will believe that God can overcome all.  If we give up and kill ourselves, aren't we essentially saying there is no hope and not even God can work through this?  In that sense, we are denying the sovreignty of God.

Now, all that said, thankfully I am not the judge nor jury.  That is in God's hands.  I do believe there are people in Heaven who truly didn't know what they were doing (i.e. mentally ill).  However, I do believe that no matter how bad it gets, we as Christians have the hope that God can and will work all things for His good and glory (read Romans 8:28-29) and, thus, suicide would not even be an option for somebody who truly loved and trusted the Lord.

Does that make sense?

Dear Sunshine41,

What an extreme trauma and sadness for your community and your youth group.  There are a lot emotions and questions being experienced by everyone.

To briefly answer your question, even though there are numerous examples of suicide in Scripture, there is no specific eternal outcome proposed.  There are several references elaborating on suicide from a biblical perspective which may be insightful.  These include:  MY FRIEND IS STRUGGLING WITH THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE by Josh McDowell, AFTERSHOCK: HELP, HOPE, AND HEALING IN THE WAKE OF SUICIDE by David Cox, and WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SUICIDE by Bill Blackburn who shares what the Bible has to say about this painful issue. The writings noted by Nick are also healing.

Hopefully these resources will prove to help your family and your youth group through this most difficult and confusing experience.  We have placed your family and your youth group on our prayer list.

Betty J., R.N., L.P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department.