Hi seekinghope, it's great to have you back. Thank you for updating us on this painful trial you are going through in your marriage. As others have said, I, too, am in awe of your strength. Infidelity is hard enough to deal with, but a baby has resulted, and you know the other woman, and she is still in your life - it's all so much to face. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I know that it's under less than ideal circumstances, but no baby is a mistake. I pray that instead of being filled with resentment and frustration towards your husband every time you think about this precious baby being knit together in your womb, instead you'll praise the Lord for blessing you with a gift in the midst of this storm.
When my husband and I already had two children, and thought our family was complete, we were going through the most difficult and painful time in our marriage to date. Although we had begun the long road to restoration, our marriage had hit rock bottom, and we were clinging to the Lord to get us through each day and draw us out of the pit we were in. Much to our surprise, I found out I was pregnant. The timing seemed horrible. I remember thinking that our poor boys had already endured so much, living with parents in an awful marriage, and now we were going to bring another child into it. I was terrified and cried so many tears. It wasn't until I thought I was having a miscarriage in my second trimester that I truly saw this baby as a tremendous blessing. I was heartbroken at the thought of losing her, and thankfully, it turned out to be a false alarm. God continued to strengthen our marriage and heal the wounds of our past (we are still a work in progress!) but seekinghope, I can tell you that we could not possibly imagine our lives without that "surprise" baby. We call her our "rainbow after the storm." She has brought immeasurable joy to each of us, and continues to do so every day. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing and did it in His perfect timing even though from my limited perspective, it seemed like it couldn't have been a worse time, for His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).
I'm saddened that your relationship with the Lord has suffered during this time - that is exactly what Satan wants! He will use fear, shame, and deceit to drive a wedge in our relationship with our Creator. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord like you never have before. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine, He wants to ease your pain and fill the voids in your heart. He will carry you through this and lift the burden from your shoulders. I am so glad that you have reached out for help through this forum, but isolating yourself is one of the worst things you can do right now. You need the loving and prayerful support of your friends, family, and church community. I understand not being able to afford counseling, but perhaps you can meet with a Pastor or older woman in your church who can encourage you during this difficult time. And if you have not already done so, please give our counselors a call, they would love to talk to you. As for links, we have some excellent information on our Web site:
"Forgiveness and Restoration"
"Building Hedges Around Your Marriage"
"The Overcoming Marriage"
"Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?"
Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
Don't give up hope, friend. I am looking forward to hearing how the Lord works in your marriage - what an opportunity for redemption! Stay in touch, and know that I will be praying for you. I leave you with one of my favorite verses:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Erika
FOTF Moderator
