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745 Views 3 Replies Last post: Nov 9, 2009 2:49 PM by super7 RSS
super7 Community Member
super7
25 posts since
Oct 30, 2009
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Nov 7, 2009 11:59 AM

I think I made a mistake ..?

Okay my husband and I have not been speaking for over a week.Various reasons as described in another discussion. He has not been participating in our life, doesn't come home, do stuff with the kids, etc.

 

Well, last night he came home and he asks me to go out with him.

 

I did. I had an okay time. I only went because I thought it might help to break the ice so that we would be able to work on things.

 

Unfortunately I don't think that was his purpose.I think he just wanted someone to hang out with or something. He acted as if nothing had ever happened! We talked about everything EXCEPT what has been going on. He was calling me "baby" and was very nice to me. He even asked me if I had a nice time on the way home. I think he was trying to be nice.

We were playing a game and I got out before he did so I went to the car and as soon as I got inside I just cried and cried because it felt like my life was this big huge lie and that I was pretending to be happy and loving. He seems to think that we can just carry on as if all this stuff has not happened and I don't think I can do that. When I told my 16 year old that I was going out with him she told me it was stupid. I guess I should have listened to her.  I feel like I made a huge mistake by accepting his invitation. I feel like I am enabling him to hurt me. I am not sure what to do now. I still don't feel like talking to him, but I know I will have to. I just got so upset last night, it's like all the pain and suffering from his abuse, his pornography use,his drug use his irrational behavior and his attacking me verbally has been bottled up inside me and it just came out. At least my husband didn't come back to the car while I was crying. I feel like he just doesn't care, just wants everything to be "okay" all the time, doesn't want to take responsibility for what he has done to me doesn't want to work on things. I just really feel like I made a huge mistake  and now I don't know what to do.

Tags: sex_pornography, communcation_spouse, verbal_emotional
Faith1014 Community Member
Faith1014
14 posts since
Oct 4, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
1. Nov 9, 2009 9:22 AM in response to: super7
Re: I think I made a mistake ..?

Oh, super7, my heart goes out to you because I know EXACTLY how you feel. I swear it sounds like our husbands are related in some way.  I just made another post on here about the events that occured last night.  I left out the part about how our conversation started.  My husband asked me if I was going to sleep on the couch again and I said yes.  He said that I needed to stop this and come to bed.  We have hardly talked all week.  He never apologized for going off on me or threatening to break my computer.  He doesn't even think he owes me one because "I should know he didn't mean it."

After our agrument, I did end up sleeping in our bed.  But I really struggled with this.  We never resolved anything, but he wants to act like nothing happened.  He held me all night like we were just the happy couple.  I had mixed emotions with this.  I missed his touch, but still had all these confusing, angry, hurt emotions going on inside.

 

I wish I had some comforting words and advice for you, but I am in no position to be giving advice looking at my own relationship.  I hope it gives you some comfort to know that you are not alone and that I will continue to pray for both of us, our husbands and our marriage.  I know you said that you also did not have finances for a counselor.  Have you checked into counselors that have a sliding scale based on your income?  I am doing that today.  The only counselor that my insurance covers is the one that my husband is going to, so I really do not want to go to that one.  But they gave us another number to call where they base the fee on our income.  Maybe that is something you could look into.  I'm sorry I have no advice for you.  Just know that I understand and you are in my prayers.

sunshine7 Community Member
sunshine7
23 posts since
Nov 2, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
2. Nov 9, 2009 10:30 AM in response to: super7
Re: I think I made a mistake ..?
Hi Super 7 ....if you need to talk someone and don't have the money you should be able to have a few meetings at Least with your pastor....he can listen and pray for you.  I hope someone from Focus would talk to you......that is why they have this chat site....You are not alone....you have christians in this site that are praying for you...
super7 Community Member
super7
25 posts since
Oct 30, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
3. Nov 9, 2009 3:03 PM in response to: Faith1014
Re: I think I made a mistake ..?
Faith and sunshine Thank you for responding. I feel better knowing someone has heard me, even if it isn't my husband who I desperately wish would hear me! We are back to not speaking. I don't get it. I wish the books I ordered would come. I found a christian counselor in my area that is $49.00 an hour but I don't have that right now. My husband acts nice the night we went out and the next day but then continues to go out and play cards every night. He STILL won't acknowledge that there is a problem even tho we are back to not speaking........I am so confused and disheartened. Yesterday he didn't speak to me at all. But he was gone until after I went to bed. I don't know if he is cheating on me or if he is just obnoxious or if he really just thinks his behavior is okay. It is getting to me pretty bad. If he doesn't want to work on the relationship and he doesn't want to be a responsible parent and partner then why does he not want me to leave? I know he doesn't want me to leave even though he's told me to do so because the minute I tell him I will comply he freaks out. He seems to be okay with me doing all the "chores" and all the childcare and all the dinner and all the bedtime rituals and paying all the bills. Maybe he is just using me to raise his child since he is too irresponsible to do it? What an awful way to feel about one's marriage and life. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I will keep the two of you and your families on my prayer list as well.

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