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2,918 Views 38 Replies Last post: Nov 12, 2009 1:11 PM by FHL RSS Go to original post 1 2 3 Previous Next
claygal Community Member
claygal
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Oct 22, 2009
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30. Nov 6, 2009 7:20 PM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce
Fred - I felt the same way. When I was told that I needed to call the other woman's husband I fought it all the way. Then I got the same advise from a Christian counselor, because her husband had the right to know. I am so glad I did, and wish I had last fall. I truly believe you can do both. You can work on yourself and trust in God AND find out what is going on. I know from personal experience that your marriage cannot survive if the affair is allowed to continue, and God would not want it to continue. It is an unholy relationship. I tried to trust my husband and found out he was still in contact with her. He was lying to me and himself by saying he was working on our marriage, but there was no way he could have been when he was still nurturing feelings for someone else. Because I tried to trust him, I allowed those feelings to become stronger and now my marriage may be over because of it. DO BOTH!! I'll be praying, keep praying for me as well please.
myluvmygod Community Member
myluvmygod
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31. Nov 9, 2009 6:10 AM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Hello Fred,

 

You know what, you are not the only one who is going through this.  Here is where I found healing.  I am also going through a situation similiar to yours, minus the affair* (I hope).  First, you can only grow to realization if you break.  If we did not break how would we know to grow in our Christian walk, or how would we know what is wrong with us?  Know that you can only give it to God.  Know that God LOVES YOU, know that all you can do is pray for her and love her the way God loves her.  I learned that God would never give up on us (our spouse), so we can not give up on them.  I am not saying talk to her, or spoil her, but kindness goes a long way.  Do not treat her like you want to be treated, treat her the way the bible tells you to.  Fill your heart with God, and anything more is extra blessing that you have been blessed with.

 

Please listen to the broadcasts on marriage on the website.  I am saying this because it has helped me get over my feelings, hurt, and selfish wordly needs and see that others are going through worse.  Concentrate on your kids, your walk to heaven, and others.

 

Please know when you mature to understand that God has a plan, only then you will understand this is miniscule compared to the last second you take your breath on earth.

 

I will pray for you every time I pray for God to work on my husband.  I beleive God gave us a covenant marraige and you and I have to do what is biblicly right.  You know that day of judgment will come, and do not let the wordly people distract you from your path to heaven.

 

May God bless you with your journey to resurecting your marriage and mine.

 

From,

 

myluvmygod

fred Community Member
fred
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Oct 22, 2009
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32. Nov 9, 2009 8:32 AM in response to: myluvmygod
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce
Thank you so much for the words. I willl also pray for God to work on your husband. We dont know whats right in our lives till we realize it wa lived for the wrong reasons. If I had stayd on my walk with the Lord 6 years ago. I would not be here and my wife would have not suffered through an addicted me and be where she is mentally and emotional. It is a guilt I am asking God and her to forgive me of. He will, it is yet to be seen if she will. I was also very downtrodden of her when I was addicted. saying what do you know youve never even been to college. She was at one time the perfect Godly wife and I tore it away through my own selfishness and low self esteeem through the addiction. I fault her in no way for being here, but wnat so much while I grow in God for him to show her the me now. The one she had so many hopes in when we married, and the one shes seen glimpses of over the years. Im still changing for the better and know in my heart that if she will see this, forgive, and rewalk our walk with God she will learn to fall in love with me again. I was asking what God wanted me to do and opened the Bible randomly to Hosea 2. It was almost as if he spoke to me through my reading. I had never had this happen before, though I have asked, but maybe not been ready to hear. I want so much to grow in him and fulfill his wish for my marriage. I love my wife so and will spend the rest of my life showing it to her if she will let me. I want my walk with the Lord to show all what can be done to change someone and a marriage. I have asked for him to place someone in my path to help them avoid what I have done to me and my wife. I can only pray he will work on her life to walk with him again. And I also pray he will place someone like you in her path to lighten it. D is such a special person and deserves to be happy. Thank you and God bless.
fred Community Member
fred
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Oct 22, 2009
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33. Nov 9, 2009 3:07 PM in response to: AnnFOTF
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce
Something in your post just keeps running though my mind. "Breakthrough". Please pray for us a breakthrough. I know how much family did mean once to her, and I know somewhere inside there is still a want for this. I just dont know where to find it. But guess maybe my continued prayers and work on me will surface it. Please any advice on how to treat the current polace we are at is so welcomed.
myluvmygod Community Member
myluvmygod
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Nov 7, 2009
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34. Nov 9, 2009 6:36 PM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Dear Fred,

 

I will pray for you and your marriage.  However, I found it difficult to understand your situation.  I am by no means perfect, but you start your path to 'perfection' (if you will) by thinking perfect thoughts.  For example, when I think about my marriage, about the times my husband would say things like "I will find me somebody prettier and richer" (which really hurts deep in my heart), at the time I always went mute.  My personality is to clam up.  I never said anything to him when he would make such remarks as that because he did not mean it; he is a very emotional man and when men can not control their mouth, especially towards the one's who loves them the MOST.  When I think about comments such as that now, I wish I would have killed him with Christian kindness.  But, I was not mature in my prayers and actions then.

 

Now, in our seperation I have moments where I really just want to yell at him and tell him how I feel.  For example I want to blurt out things like, "I should have left you the first moment you grabed me in anger, I should have shut the door on our relationship the moment I found out you looked at porn!"  But I do not let my anger or hurt come between my healing by God's grace.

 

You see Fred, I am not perfect, but as I mention earlier, it starts with thinking perfect.  If you think of scenarios of how you would conduct yourself with our without your wife, in our out of the marriage you have given 100% of your burdens to God.  Because it is not God who put the mountain in front of you to climb, it's 'man'.  We have been given the the freedom of choice; that is why Jesus died on the cross for us -to forgive us of our sins.  The choices are to live by Gods will or to play with the Devil.  Remember, we are closer to hell then we are to heaven. 

 

Please, please, I beg you do not give up in your prayers because it's not our conscious that gets to us, its the biblical guilt that hits our soul.

 

Again, Fred, I do hope you ask for prayers for yourself and accept how you have wrong God, not your wife, because the moment you live for God, that's the moment He will began working on you and stregthing your marriage or your legs for you to climb that mountain.

 

My heart really does go out to you and your beautiful bride, please keep me inform.  I am hear for you.

 

With blessings to you and everyone whom you hold dear to your heart,

 

MyLuvMyGod

myluvmygod Community Member
myluvmygod
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Nov 7, 2009
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35. Nov 9, 2009 6:36 PM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Yes, when you break you are no longer thinking you are perfect.  You see NOBODY is perfect, not even your pastor, your Christian friends, or you.  When we break we are saying, "See God, we are fragile, heal us from our desire of breaking away, hear are pieces of me, only you can put it together".

 

I thought I was perfect, now, I am broken and God is slowly putting me back together.  His glue are the words in the Bible, read it, heal and pass the glue to a broken person.

 

Bless you and your journey,

 

MyLuvMyGod

Prov356 Community Member
Prov356
35 posts since
Jul 26, 2009
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36. Nov 9, 2009 8:39 PM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Hi Fred,

 

I'd like to challenge both of you to go to http://www.northpoint.org/messages, then scroll to the right until you see the message titled "Staying in Love"  (it looks like a red album cover), then watch all four of the messages.  Andy Stanley has a fantastic message on this topic, and makes the very important point that the "feeling" of being in love is not what we are called to seek - we are to make love a verb and DO the things that will allow the feelings to return.

 

My wife isn't interested in watching it, but I hope both of you might be willing to watch with an open mind and heart.

 

God bless,

amelia1008 Community Member
amelia1008
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Nov 11, 2009
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37. Nov 12, 2009 12:52 PM in response to: fred
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Fred,

 

I too am trying to stop a divorce.  Our problems began over money, gambling and alcohol.  My husband likes to gamble and drink and I spent the money in savings paying bills and supporting our family. Everything was great, when we met we were both coming out of bad marriages.  He was there for me and me for him.  We got married in March of 2004 and I filed for his children to come to the U.S. in April of 2004.  By February 2005 they were here.  For about a year all was good, then he started spending alot of money on lottery tickets, hanging out with his co-workers after work and coming home drunk.  After awhile there was less money and more expenses so I started taking from savings to make up for what was being spent in lottery ($7,300/yr).  My only mistake was not telling him and of course he found out.  He refused to admit that it is because of his gambling that there was no money and he refused to admit that he has a drinking problem.  We were getting along pretty good until this past Sunday when a girlfriend of mine came to my house to help me hook up a printer to my computer.  He doesn't like her at all and calls her a man/woman.  She isn't very feminine and he now refers to her as my "man" which is totally untrue.  I harbor no ill feeling against people with that lifestyle, but I am a Christian who believes marriage/relationships are between a man and a woman.  Anyway, after my girlfriend left he came downstairs with an attitude which gave me one and there was a big blow up.  Now he isn't talking to me or taking any of my calls.  Like you, I am desperate to save my marriage because I love and am still in love with my husband.

 

I know about addiction (alcohol) because I crawled into a bottle when my younger sister passed away and it took me alot of years to get it together, now I know that I cannot drink at all.  I try to tell my husband that he has a problem but he won't hear it.  I have given him his space and I have badgered him, neither have worked, now I leave it in God's hands.  All I do is pray on this and I believe that I was given a sign by God this morning.  When I woke up there was a song in my head, it was Alicia Keys "Everythings Gonna Be Alright"  I knew this was a sign because I don't listen to Alicia Keys' music.  God will help us through our bad times,  There is a lesson in all of this, it could be a lesson for you or it could be a lesson for your wife.  You will not know until the time is right.  Just remember...this is something you must go through to grow.  Keep the faith and stay with Church, never let God go.  My husband has and I pray everyday that God comes back into his heart and helps to learn to forgive me.

 

I will pray for peace and love for you and your companion and that you will both come to love and respect one another again.

 

Message was edited by: Moderator

FHL Community Member
FHL
28 posts since
Oct 4, 2009
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38. Nov 12, 2009 2:33 PM in response to: Prov356
Re: At wits end trying to stop divorce

Prov356 - Thanks for the link.  The podcasts are great.

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