Melia,

I was a single mom for 8 years and only recently remarried.  It was a very tough life at the beginning, but my oldest chlidren are teenages and my youngest are twin 8 year olds. I taught them survival skills at a young age.  The oldest ones can cook very well, help me with the younger girls' hair, help me clean house.  I also taught them the value of money by giving them savings accounts and a budget.  They earn their allowance.  You have to be stronger than most women.  Your kiids are stronger than you might think.  There are plenty of single moms around.  Just continue doing what you are doing here on this forum and if your church doesn't have a strong single mom's ministry - ask the leadership if you can start one at that church - or help strengthen it.  That is exactly what I did.  As a result I was able to gain great support with childcare as well as provide such for others.

I prayed for a husband and, eventually, God sent him.  It was a long wait but I had to focus on making myself the woman worthy of a Man of God.  I would ask Jesus to hug me, cuddle with me at night - those things I missed in a mate.  I swear He would hug me!  He provided everything I needed for that time.

Please hang in there and keep your head up.  I am here to tell you it does get better.  Keep praying to God for a strong family unit and teach those kids the love of God.  That will prevent them from doing many things to stress you.  I have four.  Two teenage girls and a boy/girl twin.  Their father left me when the twins were five months old.  I have a professional career and so had to work after staying up literally all night.  It was really tough, but through God's help, lots of christian music and prayer, we got through it together.

God bless youl

Hi Lucy,

I would like to start off with some prayer.  That way, we know that God is here with us.

Father God, we come to you needing you to be near.  We love you and we thank you for all that you do.  Thank you so much for Lucy and her three wonderful sons.  Please be with them and their family as they go through this difficult time.  We know that as your will unfolds for them that it will be for your glory and we pray that others will be sure to see.  Please hold Lucy and her sons and never leave them.  Please help Lucy find the people that you send for her to help her family.  Bless her and her family forever.  In your son's precious name.  Amen.

Hi Lucy,

Wow, that is so big.  Please don't give up on finding a group for yourself.  It is so important to get support.  We are not meant to parent alone, and in the absence of the boys' father, your church needs to be the other parent.  I know that you probably need healing for yourself as well.  If you take the time to replenish yourself spiritually (as well as physically), you will be able to "tackle" everything that comes your way.

Now, i say that but I am having problems myself!  It is so hard being the only parent.  I hope that we can lean on each other and be each other's church.  I will continue to pray for you guys.  Much love.

Dear lucy37,

Thank you for jumping on the thread to post under "Single Mom."  I don't know your full circumstances, but somehow by God's grace and mercy a potential tragic suicide was averted.  You already are wisely researching to find the appropriate counselor, so your son can address the pain he was feeling.

If you need further help in locating a counselor, you can  access names of Christian counselors on the FOTF web site or by calling the FOTF Counseling Department at 1-800-232-6459 X7700 M-F from 6:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. MST.  Family counseling to include your two other sons may be an option to consider as well.  We also have a data base of area churches where some of them have support groups for Singles and Teens.

Since your sons'  father is not involved in their lives, finding a male mentor for each of them would be ideal.  The truth is that Christian mentors are difficult to find, but perhaps your pastor or your youth pastor would have someone in mind.  Bobb Biehl's book on MENTORING helps people to learn the role of effective mentoring.  Sometimes a mentor is simply someone who makes contact with the youth once a week for 30 to 40 minutes either by phone or over a Latte.  The person needs to be reliable, since the message is "you are important enough to have a standing appointment with me every week..."  I pray that you will find mentors.  You are being placed on our prayer list.

I hear you are leaning on the Lord in many ways including your connection with your support group at your church.  Congruency, integrity, and actual presence of people for support have a significant impact on a young person staying true to their faith.  Your son was reaching out for help, and God heard his cry.  In Psalm 34: 6, 7 , it is written, "This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps round about them that fear Him, and delivers them."  (KJV)  He is the Shepherd who carries His sheep.

Your strength is obviously in the Lord.  He said to Joshua, "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and  of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be you dismayed: for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  (Josh 1:9  KJV)  You are to be affirmed for the Authority you have chosen.  Thank you for posting with FOTF.

Submitted by Betty J., R.N., L.-P.C.

FOTF Counseling Department

Hi Lucy,

I have been thinking about you and the boys.  And still praying.

I am glad that you have found a group.  Everyday, God blesses us with people who are meant to help us.  I have a really hard time seeing it when it happens.  I hope that i don't miss too many of them!

You are such a super mother!  Your boys need you so much right now and it's so good to know that they are sure of where you are.  Keep hanging in there and talking to God.  He is right here!  I sometimes imagine God with tears in his eyes when he sees us hurting.  He will never leave you guys.

I pray that your new group and your sisters will continue to help you through.  As we both know, there is nothing harder than being the only parent for those kids.  It's not a job that was intented for only one person.  Continue to seek help.  I am so proud of you.

If I may pray again (I used to lead a group and learned from my mentor - who was the pastor - to never forget to pray).

Father, here we are again, needing your presence.  We love you so much and thank you so much for all that you do.  Thank you for precious Lucy and her boys.  Use them to show everyone they know how great you are.  Hold onto them and never let go and make them a strong loving family.  Lord thank you for loving each of us as though we are the only one.  Please continue to hear our prayers and bless this family fully.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Lucy, I love you and will keep praying.  Hang in there and keep moving forward.  Don't stop! 

Hi,

I was a single Mom.  I raised two beautiful children who are now wonderful parents.  I know that it was through me and the Lord that this happened.  Throughout the time I was raising my children, I came upon difficult times, but I can look back and see that the Lord was there with me.  He helped me out in so many ways..from support and being there to help when I needed it.  Sometimes I would just think to myself "Lord, help me and give me strength", he was right there with me through all the hard times.  And sometimes I would just open the Bible, start reading, and just what I needed to hear was there.  I was not raised in a church setting, and would not consider myself a church goer, but I am a christian and very proud of it.  God was there when I needed Him.  I was told one time in church that we need to acknowledge God..to thank Him.  And I thank Him with all my heart.  He was always there for me.  And He is there for you..you aren't alone..talk to Him.

Kristi..Proud Mom and Grandmother

Hello everyone, I just found the family focus website today and came upon this community and had to sign up! I too am a single mom to an almost 4 year old girl. Ive never been married, and her biological father hasn't seen her since she was 4 months old and needless to say is not a part of her life in any way. It has been extremely challenging (and a rewarding experience beyond words) being a single parent. Unfortunately I don't have much of a support system; though I am a single income household (no child support either) not having the emotional support has been the most difficult to deal with. I am working furosiously to be a good person and a good parent. I am giving my all to learn Christian values and strengthen my faith with our Heavenly Father's word; I grew up in a single parent household (my father raised my sister and I), I have no model for what good parenting is, nor do I have a model of establishing Christian values in my family (my dad grew up in a Catholic home. He resented it; his viewpoint was that 'you girls can discover faith on your own'). As a parent I have a hard time coming to terms with that parenting viewpoint; I longed for structure and guidance (I was a very quiet and shy kid, my sister the opposite-the support of a Church and fellow Christians would have done all of us some good!). I am bound to NOT repeat how I grew up. I am focusing on growing spiritually for myself, and hoping I can somehow show my daughter the way (it's in His hands afterall). Im reading so many books, recently The Blessing (which highlights exactly what I did not grow up with) and the Mother Daughter Legacy (which is something I didn't grow up with either). I am currently reading Parenting By The Book. Im gaining so much knowledge from the Christian based parenting books I am reading, however nothing replaces support, which is what I am hoping to find here.

On another note, God did bring to me and my daughter a good, honest man 6 months ago. We go to church with him on Sundays, he comes from a good Christian family; we go to his mothers house on occasion (we spent the holidays with his family as well); she was a single parent herself. So she understands some of the things Im going through. Unfortunately, due to my trust issues (it's very hard for me to trust others) I haven't opened up to her, but it's a work in progress Anyhow, this man that has been in our lives for the past 6 months has been wonderful! He loves the both of us, has been very patient and understanding in my single parenting situation and is the best thing to ever happen to me since having my daughter. I can see myself growing old with him, and I really think that this is the man that God intended for me. Through all the dishonest and decieving men (and people for that) that have come across my life, Ive finally found the one who's worth having gone through all the hard times Ive had to endure.

I hope to learn from others in this community, exchange parenting issues, and learn more on how to incorporate Christian values in my life and home

Hello Ladies.  I have been living as a single mom for a year now, but divorce will be final soon.  Ups and downs, but I'm sure it will get easier.  I have two daughters and a full-time job, difficult - but definitely a blessing!  Looking forward to mingling and getting advice and ideas from you experienced Super Women!

Blessings!

Hello Ladies,

Just found this web site and was encouraged even more as I read through your posts.  I've been a single mom now for 12 years.  I have raised my son from six months old to now 13.  As you all know it is not easy.  But with God it sure makes a difference.  I used to go to a church where there was some apartment buildings next to us that we were trying to reach out to and there was so many single parents there that just looked to the world for answers.  They looked for love in all the wrong places.  Most just to get burned again and again.  So you ladies are so encouraging to listen to as you reach out to God.  I pray that all single parents will find God to help them through this rough road.  That church fell apart it seems but now I am involved in another church but I feel trapped sometimes.  I have wonderful friends that love me and my son but they just do not understand because they are all married.  Get this, one even calls me for marital advise.  At church it seems that I'm surrounded by married couples everywhere with no single parents anywhere. The LORD has laid a burden on my heart for single parents that do not know the LORD but how do you find them to reach out.  It would be so awesome to get a support group started in my church.  It seems the LORD has brought me to this church but I just do not understand why.

My boy's father has not been in his life but after eight years he wanted to get back into his life then he decided, I guess, it was too much trouble and now is gone again.  That really hurt him but he seems to be doing okay.  It has been a few years now but as you have said he could really use a mentor.  Just getting guys to step up to this roll is hard.  How do you find such a person?

One thing I have learned through all these years when I let go of God is when I struggle the most.  So keep hanging on to God and He will get you through.  So for now I'm going to lean on Him and move forward one day at a time.

Thank you ladies for posting your messages and encouraging me to keep going.  May God Bless You All!