I had my daughter out of wedlock when I was just 18.  I married my husband when she was 18 months old.  She visited her dad every other weekend until her senior year of high school.  She was very close to my mother who died when my daughter was 13 y/o.  We have been butting heads since she was about 14 or so. Since she was in the 5th grade she has wanted to be a nurse.  When she graduated h.s. she went straight to a community college in our town.  Because she didn't apply herself in h.s. and she put off applying for finacial aid I had to pay out of pocket for her to attend. This was a hardship as we don't have much money. She went one semester and didn't do very well the best I can tell. She wouldn't tell me how things were going but I do know she failed one class because she didn't follow through with dropping it in time.  During this time she met a guy that her father, my husband or me nor any of her family approved of.  Because I pay the payments on her ride I took it away for two weeks.  Everything seemed to have settled down.  She didn't go back to school the next semester but promised me she would the following semester.  Three months later she wanted to move out with her h.s. friend, they wanted to be on their own.  I knew the girls family so I agreed.  I thought once the got a taste of the real world she would come to her senses. The other girl did but my daughter didn't.  Her friend moved back home but my daughter moved in with another friend.  This started about a 5 month span where she didn't live in the same place for more than a month. In the mean time she met another guy her whole family doesn't approve of.  But this time she didn't care.  She didn't go back to school because she waited too long to apply.  She quit or lost her job, I don't know which because she didn't tell me.  I heard about it from her father's mother. She has yet to find another one but she is looking.  I am having to give her gas money to job hunt.  She moved her stuff back home but doesn't stay there.  She stays with friends of whom I don't know.  It seems like it is a different one every week.  Since my husband and I pay the payments on her ride I have threatened to take it away if she doesn't move back home and get her life straighted out.

We live in a small town so I hear from several people things they she her doing but of coarse she denies everything.  She lies to me and tells me different stories but tries to turn it on me and says I can't remember what she told me.  I admit I'm forgetful but I know I would remember if she told me she quit her job or if her laptop was stolen or if she move to a different house.

Should I just back off and let her fail and maybe learn? Or should I take her ride and try to force her to do what she should?