Unfortunately addition is very destructive not just to you but to your spouse as well. My husband suffered with a cocaine addiction for much of our years and the way he treated me during that time still hurts now. It is very difficult to forgive. And there is the constant fear of a relapse. I do not know if I am strong enough to go through all that again and that may be where your wife is. The rebuilding of trust takes time.I still have trust issues with my husband and everytime he acts out I automatically think he is using again.  I think you should be recognised for your efforts and for staying sober. Keep with God. Keep strong and pray. I think it sounds as if you are doing all you can and I hope it will work out!

I would say for right now, just quit talking about your relationship. Focus on trying to be good to her. It is hard, because you probably won't get anything in return. Don't smother her, but just do kind things. Offer to help where she needs help. With kids, or cleaning. Just make life easier for her. As I said before, Love Dare. Even if you just use it to get ideas of some nice things you can do for her. Go to the website I gave you. I think you might have a better idea of exactly what she wants if you quit talking about your marriage, at least for a little while. She might even notice changes in the way you relate to her, and that might have an impact on her decision about your marriage. It just sounds like talk to me right now, in that none of her actions are matching what she says. it doesn't sound like she has made a decision. If she had, she would be moving out.

As far as trust... I am really not in a place to say. My husband is still living out of the house, but he drops by all the time. I can see he is miserable. I am waiting for discussions on trust and rebuilding our marriage for the day that he tells me he wants to come home. When I know he is really committed to making our marriage work, I will then bring up ways he can show how serious he is, and things he can do so that I can regain trust in him.

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think the advice of others to stop talking about your relationship and change the way you interact with her are great ideas. If the relationship does come up and the past is brought up then simply tell her that the past was a mistake on your part and that you are trying to show her that you will not hurt her again that way.Take full responsibility for your past actions, apologise (yes, again) and continue to show her in your actions that you care for her. Doing things to help her is a big thing and a great suggestion. She will (hopefully) eventually see that you are there for her and you are someone that can be depended on. If her present behavior comes up do not argue with her. Tell her that it hurts you but that you understand that she needs to work things out her own way. Then let her. I know this is tough and it can feel hopeless but trust in God. He knows all things. Unfortunately this world is full of people that just have to do things the hard way before they can do it the right way. You have to let that happen. I am sorry that there is talk of seperation and divorce. Luckily right now it is just talk. Once a decision has been made she will leave or stay. Do not overanalyse her words. She is probably hurt and confused and unsure of what to do. Don't push her in any direction. I am not the best person to be giving you advice on this subject as I have not even spoken to my husband for a week. He is irrational and I can't talk to him. I hope he will come around so that we can work this out but my mom told me the other day that I am the only person who does not realize that this marriage is over. Very disheartening. Keep communication open and trust in God in all you do.