Hello! I understand your frustration as well as your heartbroken hearts as parents. I kinda have the same situation but in my case is my whole family 3 brothers, and 3 sisters all adults neglected to give me support with my broken marriage, rebelius son's one who has been sentenced to state prison for 21 years in august of 2009 and I needed my mother's support but didn't really care. same for the rest of my siblings so I wrote a letter and was ignored now I am living alone in my own apartment it's been 8 months since I last heart or seen them my pther two boys never call me to see if I' doing well or anything

I was trying to find answers as to why when all my life I have try to do nothing but help them but I came to realize by reading the bible and listening to "focus on the family" that 1st we need to set bounderies with them and then we need to leave them alone and stop begging them they know they are hurting us so what you need to do iswrite a last letter telling your daughter what you feel and that you cant understand why that behavior or rejection but that you will step aside and go on with your lives with your husband and that if she ever needs you or wants to talk you will be waiting with your arms open and with lot's of love.  That you will be praying for them and and wish them the best.  And if she doesn't respond do not look for them live your life "just pray that is all we can do she will eventually need you.  another thing I chose to do I send each my two boys a spiritual greeting card: encouragement just letting them know I miss them and I am thinking about them, and also  I also sent them a baby picture of them they say nothing nor call me but am showing them uncondional love.The rest of my family simply just doesn't care about me so I go with the ones that do and that are supporting me.  Remember what happened to Joseph with all his brothers they wanted to kill him so they sold him and God used this for good because he was chosen to be a king.  I am still in the same situation but have peace in my heart waiting for that one day to come when they realize that they were wrong.  I hope that this can give you some kind of motivation don;t give up okay?

   GOD BLESS YOU!

      marti

Hi namguta,

Thank you so much for posting your situation on our Parenting Forum, I'm so glad you're "here."  I am sincerely sorry about what is going on between you and your daughter.  I can't even imagine how confused and torn you must be.  Thank you, mlespino and Kayci, for hopping on here and offering namguta your words of encouragement, it sounds like she really needs it right now.  Along those lines, if you would like to talk to an understanding person on a more personal basis, please give one of our counselors a call.  They will be able to offer you some helpful guidance in this area.  We also have a great article on the parent/adult child relationshipon our TroubledWith.com Web site that may be helpful.   

I am praying for your family, dear friend, asking the Lord to speak clearly to you and grant you discernment in your relationship with your daughter.  I am also praying that the Lord will use this situation for His glory, drawing you nearer to Himself. 

Stay in touch,

Erika

Forum Moderator

I have somewhat the same issue with my young-adult daughter. She not only has rejected me, her mother, but all her siblings as well. Most of this stems from the fact she is more like her abusive father than she would care to admit. When boundaries are drawn on her behavior she reacts - strongly! Her siblings don't want anything to do with her unless/until she changes; I can't blame them for drawing healthy boundaries in their lives when that's exactly what I've strived to establish in them coming out of an abusive marriage/family.

I've let my daughter know that I love her unconditionally but will not tolerate bad/abusive behavior. She knows, because I've told her, there is an open door for her to walk through anytime in our relationship if/when she's willing and ready to work on the issues. It's a tough place to be when she refuses, but I am respecting that, giving her room, hoping someday my prodigal daughter will return. So, where do I go from here? Standing firm on my knees...

Thank you ALL so much for sharing your unique family situations and supporting one another here on the forum. It is very tough to parent adult children, especially when they make choices that completely contradict your values and violate your boundaries. Fortunately, a lot of resources exist to help us handle these challenges in a healthy, God-honoring way. We can't be responsible for their behavior but sometimes need help identifying what is their problem and what is ours.

Talk about timely...we're having a Forum event with Allison Bottke on Thursday, December 3rd. She's the author of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. You can go to this page to get an idea of her expertise and listen online to our previously aired two-day broadcast with her. It's loaded with ideas and advice. Feel free to start posting your questions for her and she'll reply personally to as many as possible on the 3rd. Take a look at some of the existing documents in the lower left section titled "More from Allison Bottke."

Hope this is helpful. You're all in my prayers.

Tessa

FOTF Forum Moderator