Hi 1mamahen~

     Well, that's so sad that your son is having to deal with bullies at church. Ideally, church should be a refuge for our kids from that kind of behavior. But, we're all flawed people and sinners to boot, and we don't necessarily leave this behavior at the church door! So, sometimes our interactions with our church family are not always the way we hope they'll be.

     Well, the first thing I thought of as I was reading your post was if you had talked to the parents about their sons' taunting? Maybe just approaching this in a discreet manner or having a Sunday School teacher or Youth Leader aware of it so they can step in and talk to the kids. I know our articles on this issue stress the importance of having an authority figure outside of the parents letting children know that they won't put up with this kind of behavior.

     Paul Coughlin, who wrote No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, also talks about letting your kids know that it's ok to respond to a bully and not just ignore their words or actions. Simply saying "stop it" or "your wrong" can take the wind out of their sails and let the bully know that their words and approval don't matter.

     I know other parents have dealt with similar issues and I'm sure they'll have some more thoughts to offer. Until then, feel free to discuss this with a counselor and get some feedback. They'd be happy to help.

     Your family is in my prayers 1mamahen. I know it's tough to feel renewed spiritually on a Sunday when you're worrying about  your son. Let us know how it's going, ok?

Jessica

Forum Moderator

Hi 1mamahen!

I am the main teacher of children in our small rural church.  I am sorry that your children are experiencing bullying at church.  For the entire time that we have been at this church (3+ years, my husband is pastor), I have been making a point to stress in my lessons, where appropriate, that church is supposed to be a "safe haven".  I talk to the children about how bullying goes on in school and other places, and that we must support each other as christians, since it's a rough world out there.  We talk about how we can be different, but we still must love each other, since we are all part of the Bride of Christ.  And I watch their interactions as closely as possible for signs of problems.  That said, I would recommend that you make the teachers at your church aware of the problem.  I would hope/expect that if the teacher wasn't aware of the problem he/she would want to address it quickly.  But, if you are in a small church it could be that the teachers are related to or even the parents of the bullies.  In that case, I would (because I am a mama hen too) start "volunteering" in the classes that my children are in.  I would find ways to make the bullies aware that you know what they are doing, and that they must stop or get embarrassed (Dr. Leman would probably approve of that!) Be creative, interrupt the entire class and ask, "Josh,  are you trying to make Bobby look bad in front of everyone?  Why would you want to do that?  Are you not feeling good about yourself today?  Do you need a hug?"  (particularly effective if they are in that tween/ embarrasses easily stage!)

Just some random thoughts.  Hope it helps!