Up to Discussions in October 22, 2009: Communication in Marriage (Bill Farrel; Pam Farrel)
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1,681 Views 2 Replies Last post: Oct 28, 2009 7:16 AM by Tracy-H RSS
Bev Community Member
Bev
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Oct 22, 2009
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Oct 22, 2009 3:19 PM

Biblically confronting alcoholism in marriage

How do you as a wife submissively, respectfully, Biblically confront severe alcoholism in your spouse in a marriage where alcoholism is taking a huge toll on the wife and young teenage children?
Tags: addiction, alcohol, farrel_communication
pamca Community Member
pamca
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Jan 7, 2008
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1. Oct 22, 2009 4:39 PM in response to: Bev
Re: Biblically confronting alcoholism in marriage

Been there -- I watched my mom have to deal with my dad's drinking for years. It is loving to confront-- so know that your desire for it to end is a righteous one. God loves your mate and wants to give him a full and meaningful life (John 10:10) but getting him to listen -- there is the challenge -- so follow Matt 18:15-17. Go privately and in love (pray first and if necessary write out what you are going to say). Have options for wellness ready ("Honey, please go to Celebrate Recovery at church," "Come to pastor's office to discuss rehab options," etc). If he doesn't listen then take someone with you that he respects and try again (his parent, pastor, best friend, brother etc) If that doesn't work, you might need to try a professional counselor who leads an intervention (this intervention will require you to have a what if -- "If you do not go to rehab, I will . . ." The book, Boundaries in Marriage is helpful (Cloud and Townsend are authors). If you are in physically danger, all this might need to be done from a safe place (like you and kids go to stay with mom).

 

Don't go through this alone - I suggest you go to Celebrate Recovery and women's Bible study, and you go to counseling. Get some good help around you -- do not suffer in silence and do not place yourself or your kids in risk (like don't get in the car with him driving!).

 

Since I come from a home of a drinking dad, I am praying with empathy -- hugs!

 

Pam

Tracy-H Community Member
Tracy-H
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Oct 28, 2009
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2. Oct 28, 2009 7:40 AM in response to: Bev
Re: Biblically confronting alcoholism in marriage

I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years.  The first thing I will recommend to you is to go to Al-Anon.  I cannot even IMAGINE how I would survive a day without the knowledge and support I have found in this program.  I can't stress enough how vital this will be for you and your kids.  My daughter also goes to Al-Ateen which is a support group for teens.  I suggest you try several meetings until you find a group that you feel comfortable in and find a sponsor as soon as you can.  You will be amazed when you discover how much you and your husband's family and friends "help" him with his disease.  As soon as you start to change, you will see a change in your husband as well.

 

Of course, a bible study goes without saying.  When you stay in the word, that is when God does his best work in you.  Stay in His word as much as possible and pray, pray, pray for your husband & your kids!  Remember the serenity prayer:  "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

Explain to your kids that "Daddy has a disease" and "Daddy loves you"  and tell them to "Pray for Daddy".  You don't want your kids to hate their father.  You don't want them to feel guilty for loving him either.   You need to talk to them about it and they need to know that they can come to you.  You need to be stable for them.  I know it's not easy, but it is possible and it's something that you need to learn.

 

Put your husband in God's hands and let him do the work.  Remember, he is in control!  That is the biggest comfort to me and when you realize it, it will bring comfort to you too.  God wants your husband to be sober and knows what he needs to go through to get him there.  Everyone's bottom is different and you want to make sure you don't stand in the way of God's will.  He will do his work and his timing is perfect.  Remember Phil 4:4  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  You will begin to feel His peace.  Take it one day at a time.

 

Good luck and God Bless!

 

Tracy

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