kristahope;

That is AWESOME news that God has changed hearts & is now looking to guide the two of you as you change circumstances, attitudes, patterns of behavior & feelings towards one another.

Thank you for your faithfulness to the other folks on this chain & be assured that we will continue to pray for you & your family!

Our hope is that we will be given an opportunity, hand crafted by God, to work at the restoration of our marriages & families.

WORK as if it depends on you; PRAY like it depends on GOD. (because it does)

I understand the pain you are going through... I was hurting so bad, that I wanted to get back at my wife who left by committing suicide - that maybe, somehow, I'd cause her to feel pain similar to my own - and experience the repercussions of it all.

Then I realized that God showed me two things, really.

One, my wife wouldn't really experience the hurt I was going through

More importantly, Two - I was valuing myself as my wife did, and that view of myself was killing me.  Our heavenly Father reminded me that my value had to come from Him alone.  God started working at the depression and bitterness in my heart.  Shortly after that, I had a friend of mine who I hadn't spoken with in a couple of years.  She told me about a book by Robert McGhee called, "The Search for Significance" and it really opened up my eyes further.

It reinforced what God was doing, that I based my self-worth on how others viewed me - a lie from Satan, and it gave me additional perspective on how my wife values herself - because she often times came off as a perfectionist, and demanding higher standards from others that didn't make sense - but after reading the book, it made perfect sense.  I've found it to be very helpful and insightful.  While I found a couple very small things I could nitpick, overall, it was a high quality read for me, and really has changed my prayer life, giving me a renewed and healthy perspective on how my wife percieves herself - and what she bases her significance on.  It's let me be more specific in my prayers for her.

I really can't recommend it enough. 

Dear Waiting,

  I am sorry for your heartbreak and depression. When my left me thousands of miles away with my toddler son, I thought life was not worth living. Every time I speculated what my wife might be doing, I got so down in despair, I would not cook or eat. The only thing I could do was exercise a bit because it was so ingrained in me. In the first 5 weeks before my wife mentioned the d -word, I was hoping based on any evidence that we were going to reconcile. If she responded to a text, i would get excited, if she didn't, I would get down. I was in denial that the texts just weren't coming and only talk about my son brought about conversation. Statements, like as long as it is not for reconcilation then we can talk. Then I realized that I had to come to the point where I had to move through the process of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I am in depression now, which is a necessary stage. I have come to accept with or without her, I have to grow into a better man for God. I struggle but I treat her as a sister in Christ but pour out to God that I just don't want it this way. Now, I get to pray with her about her challenges even though she is set on getting the divorce. God hears our tears, you can make it. It is either God or despair. When I was married, I think I had more options. Now it is down to two. The one thing that helped me is to recontruct the way I think. I am a deep meloncholic thinker by nature. Philipians 4:8 talks about focusing on things above. I cut my speculations for the most part, and go walk and listen to praise music, call a friend when I find myself going into introspection. I am not saying I don't face my hurts and pain which I deal with with my friends and counselor. It is hard but God will get us through this.

Thanks for the posts. I understand that he will get us through it, I want to know why he is not helping us fix it. Why is prayer not working????? Why is God not convicting our spouses? Why is he not putting people in their paths to speak truths to them? I understand that he will not force anyone to do anything, however I think he can strongly influence someone. Divorce is not His will, I would think that he would use some influence.

I will look for the book that is suggested, I will try anything.

I have done the looking for any hope such as in the texting, however also know that she seems very determined. I am having a hard time accepting this. I dont allow myself to be angry with her, because I want her back. I am getting a little more real with believing this is going to happen. I still have some denial, only angry at God, alot of begging and barganing with God, very depressed.

I do believe that I have lost myself in my wife, but are we not to come together as one???? My family was me. they are who I live for.

I completely rips my heart out when I have to go to football practice and she comes and stands down the field from me. I just want to go over and hug her, hold her and tell her how much I miss and love her, but I cannot. Hiloman, I do not want to seem to be whinning about something that I am sure you would quickly given an arm or a leg to be able to do, but even with that, I have great pain and agony. This does not seem to bother her one bit. She has easily walked away. Even our Son has said Dad, this does not seem to be bothering her at all? How do I respond to that.

Like I said, I guess maybe I am more angry at God, more so than I thought. With a prayer chain to save our marriages, is prayer doing anything to save our marriages? I keep hoping and praying it is, crying out to him. The more I do, the more despair I feel. In the Bible, it reapeatedly says to pray for people, pray for leaders, and those in power. Why does it say to do those things if it is only lip service to God. Where any two come together, what they ask will be granted. Faith the size of a mustard seed, and we can tell a mountian to jump into the ocean. Doing these things and feeling like he is not in this makes it very hard to really rely on him to help me through. I so desperately want see and feel him in this. I know from the word, but when I apply the words i typed above and he does not seem to respond, then how do I apply this to me.

I keep thinking this as a spritual battle, I know that I know that God has won the war. Why is this battle being lost. There are so many people praying, how can God not answer. I have always thought that the more prayer, the more angelic warriors are sent to fight the battle.

What I seem to be reading, and am asking is; are we to just throw in the towel, accept it and solely just work on, pray for, and seek healing and let go of our marriage? Are these the only prayers God is going to answer for us?

I am holding on so tightly to someone that is not even here, which stepping outside looking in, seems rediculus, however I am/live on the inside. A friend did tell me I need to focus on me, to become the person that God wants me to be, not focusing on God making her something she does not want to be. Makes perfect sense, not what I want to hear, but fortunately do have a good friend who will do that. But again, how is this fighting to save my marriage, just rolling over, giving up.

I am sorry, maybe needed some venting space here. I do start a new counsler on Monday and see my Dr. tomorrow to see if he will increase my antidepressants. And I will seek that book.

I am so grateful that God answered prayers for the one family, I am sorry, cannot pull up the post while I am typing, but the recent post where the spouse is at least willing to work on reconcilation.

Thanks again for your patience, support, understanding, and most importantly, not running me off.

The bible says "fear not" when fear comes don't run away or let it stop you from going forward, choose faith and not fear. Isaiah 61:1 "The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the broken hearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed". We have to get beyond what we believe, Satan is a liar who starts early to construct a stronghold in your mind, but Jesus wants to give you complete restoration in your life. He wants to heal your broken heart, emotions and mind, so allow him to cleanse your heart of all bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness, God wants to do a new thing in you and give you back what the devils stolen plus more.

I will stand in agreement with you and may God give you and your children peace during this season! Remember God loves you!