I love summer grilling, and mainly because I'm not the one doing it. Many times this summer, I've come home from work to find my husband marinating chicken, slicing vegetables, and firing up the grill. And the greatest thing is that he loves doing it.

When we were registering for our wedding, my husband wanted to register for a new grill and some new grill tools. I had no problem registering for all the kitchen stuff I wanted, but I was hesitant to see the value in spending that much money on grilling items. We have been married for 4 months now, and while I love to cook, preparing meals every night has become a daunting task for me (even the easy 30 minute-meals); I work all day, then I usually have to drop by the grocery store on the way home to pick up the one ingredient I forgot at the store the night before, dirve home, and finally begin dinner preparations (hopefully) by 7.  So, after this first month of summer when my husband began grilling several nights a week, I have completely changed by view on grills. The grill is his kitchen, and he is happy cooking in his comfort zone.

Don't get me wrong, my husband does cook in our kitchen, but it seems as though I still usually help -- finding certain utensils, getting the baking dish out, or locating the right spice. While I don't mind helping, and I actually really enjoy cooking, it doesn't really feel like a "night off" for me.

But, when he grills, I have nothing to do but sit outside and relax, enjoy my husband's company, take in the warm weather, and savor a great meal. The grill has become a blessing to our marriage; it has given me time to rest, allows me more focused time with my husband over dinner, and it is something enjoyable for him as well.

We're now looking for a new grill; for us, the investment is worth it.

Do you or your spouse grill? Have you found grilling gives you a break from cooking? Do you have any good grilling tips or recipes to share?

I've been hearing a lot of talk lately about how the younger generation, mostly Millennials, strive for happiness in many areas of their life. They want to be happy in their jobs, their friendships, their families and yes, their marriages. Many see this desire for happiness as a self-absorbed, self-serving outlook, a view that focuses on oneself rather than others.

Authors such as Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage challenge readers to understand that marriage is meant in large part to make us holy, rather than simply to make us happy. In his second chapter, Thomas writes about the value of reconciliation in marriage; when couples "stick it out" and stay together through the hard times, God uses their marriage as a kind of evangelism.

My husband and I have been married for a whole four months, and while we have run into challenges, I have not yet experienced the need to "stick it out" in my marriage. I've actually been very happy over these past few months. Which has me wondering: How can I become holy if I'm actually very happy?

I've found myself feeling guilty at times, almost in the sense that if I am happy -- and if I seek to be happy in my marriage -- that I am somehow being selfish. That in some way, if I'm happy, I lack "marriage testimonies" that are a witness to God's greatness. I wondered if God could use a young marriage to reflect Him, one with fewer challenges, in the same way He uses the marriages that have endured more hardship.

I recently picked up the book Happiness Is a Serious Problem by Dennis Prager, where he writes,

Happiness is not a selfish or frivolous concern; it is as deep and worthy a subject as good and evil. Human beings want to be happy, and they have a right to want to be. Far from being a selfish or ignoble goal, this is one of the distinguishing features of human beings.

This definitely caught my attention. Maybe God created us with the desire to be happy, I thought. So I bought the book. Prager continues to write that happiness is more than just a personal concern; it's actually a moral obligation:

We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness....

I once asked a deeply religious man if he considered himself a truly pious person. He responded that while he aspired to be one, he felt that he fell short in two areas. One of those areas, he said, was his not being a happy enough person to be considered truly pious.

His point was that unhappy religious people reflect poorly on their religion and their Creator. He was right; in fact, unhappy religious people pose a real challenge to faith. If their faith is so impressive, why aren't these devoted adherents happy? There are only two possible reasons: either they are not practicing their faith correctly, or they are practicing their faith correctly and the religion itself is not conducive to happiness. Most outsiders assumer the latter reason. Unhappy religious people should therefore think about how important being happy is -- if not for themselves, then for the sake of their religion. Unhappy, let alone angry, religious people provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secularism than do all the arguments of atheists.

This is encouraging to me; while I may not have the testimony of big trials in marriage at this time, my happiness can still be used as a testimony to God's glory. I don't have to be 10 years into my marriage, and have "stories to tell"; God can use me where I am right now, in my happiness, just as He uses reconciliation and forgiveness, to honor Him and reflect His goodness and mercy.

The New York Times recently published an article on the issue of extended adolescence — or delayed adulthood. Many of the historical benchmarks of adulthood — completed higher education, moving out of Mom and Dad's, marriage, children — are happening up to a decade later than they used to. Having gotten married at 32, I relate. The article says a major shift in society's perspective on marriage may be responsible:

Marriage and parenthood — once seen as prerequisites for adulthood — are now viewed more as lifestyle choices, according to a new report released by Princeton University and the Brookings Institution.

The stretched-out walk to independence is rooted in social and economic shifts that started in the 1970s, including a change from a manufacturing to a service-based economy that sent many more people to college, and the women’s movement, which opened up educational and professional opportunities.

Women account for more than half of college students and nearly half of the work force, which in turn has delayed motherhood and marriage.

Women putting career first, parents urging young people not to rush into marriage and cohabitation are three factors that may be responsible for pushing the average marrying age up to 26 for women and 27 for men — the highest on record. Marriage and family are viewed as just one lifestyle option for personal fulfillment among others, many of which may seem a lot easier.

How do you think the perception of marriage and parenthood as lifestyle choices is affecting young adults, both single and married? Is adulthood a thing of the past or has it simply been redefined? [Note: MY answer.]

As Cheryl Wilhelmi points out in this episode of Reel Discernment, there sure are a lot of vampires, werewolves and wizards on TV and in the theater these days. This week is no exception with the release of The Sorcerer's Apprentice starring Nicholas Cage. But as Bob explains, this sorcerer's abilities have a scientific explanation instead of stemming from demonic power. Which is better, right?

Also out this weekend is the highly anticipated Inception starring Leonardo DiCaprio. From the previews it looked to me like a sort of Matrix with dreams instead of programming code. Bob and Cheryl just thought is was weird and boring. But they did have some appreciation for the acting and production value.

Bob ends the show with a culture clip about social media addiction that catches Cheryl a bit off guard and feeling a little ... convicted?

Note: I promised we'd have Reel Discernment available for iTunes this week but it looks like it'll be next week before we can get that going. Sorry folks.

I used to spend a lot of time on Facebook. Posting pictures. Checking people's status updates. Writing notes. I thrived on the instantaneous feedback it gave me. That's when I was single. Shortly after I got married, not only did my desire for Facebook wane, but I discovered that my husband feels bad when I'm on the computer during what could be "us time." So I closed the lid of my laptop and chose to go "Facebook light."

Still, I can relate (on a small-scale level) to a report published last week that talks about women's Facebook habits:

While the study covers all of social media, it’s clear that women in the 18-34 range are focused on their Facebook accounts. More than half of young women (57%) say they talk to people online more than face-to-face. A full 39% of them proclaim themselves Facebook addicts, while 34% of young women make Facebook the first thing they do when they wake up, even before brushing their teeth or going to the bathroom.

Wow. The article goes on to discuss how such Facebook habits are unhealthy for women. One section talks about its (negative) role in dating. But what about Facebook and marriage? For me, the main tension was that my social media habits were far more developed (and time-consuming) than my husband's (he'd had access to the Internet only by phone for years). So the online socialization that had once served as a lifeline to me (though probably at times an unhealthy one) became competition for my time with Kevin.

I recently watched an episode of a TV drama where a wife had become a well-known blogger and her husband felt neglected. Not only that, but he felt that her blogging habits exposed too much of their personal lives. Now I think blogging and Facebook are two different things, but it seems as if the potential pitfalls may be the same.

What do you think? Does Facebook pose any threat to a healthy marriage? Have you had to rein in your social media habits? How does Facebook enhance your marriage (if it does)?

Yes, it is, according to preliminary findings of a recent study, featured over at CNN.com.

Researchers from the University of California at San Diego, Brown and Harvard reported that having a friend, co-worker or sibling go through a divorce increases your own chances of divorce significantly. Here are the numbers:

•      People with a divorced sibling are 22 percent more likely to divorce than those with married siblings
•      People with a divorced friend are 147 percent more likely to divorce than those with friends whose marriages are intact
•      People with divorced co-workers are 55 percent more likely to divorce than those whose co-workers marriages are intact

According to the study, it can even pass to friends of friends:

"For example, a divorcing person confides in a married friend. The married friend doesn't opt for divorce, but relays details of the divorce discussion to a third person, influencing that third person in the chain to get a divorce."

Why does the influence of divorce seem to travel like the flu bug? The researchers explain,

"The idea is based on the theory of social contagion, or the spread of behavior or emotion through a group. In this case, the heated feelings and actions of one person's divorce can be transferred like a virus, causing others to divorce, according to the study."

So, what might that mean for a couple who wants to stay married? Well, I think it's important to realize what the study didn't address. It doesn't tell us anything about any of the participants' beliefs about God and the institution of marriage. It could be that divorce doesn't "spread," but simply that those with similar beliefs about marriage tend to run in the same social circles. But it also might benefit me to take a good look around at what my friends and family are telling me about my marriage.

On The Early Show yesterday morning, "relationship expert" Ian Kerner (great last name, huh?) made an interesting comment about this study:

"You really spend a lot of time with [friends and family]. I think people in your life become influencers.  I think throughout life, in any situation, you have to think about, Who do I hang out with? Are they advocates of marriage? Are they enemies of marriage?"

Over at Boundless, we often encourage singles to pursue relationships with four things: purity, christian compatibility, intentionality and community. In truth, those aspects don't stop with "I Do." Community, especially, is still an essential aspect to a strong marriage. Do you belong to a church that encourages and equips biblical marriages? Are your friends, as Kerner asked, advocates or enemies of your marriage? Do they tear your spouse down or do they encourage you to faithfulness, patience and love? In fact, if divorce can be "contagious," I wonder if supporting each others' marriages could have the same "contagious" effect?

I also don't think that this study means that I need to avoid divorced friends or family members "like the plague." I should continue to reach out and relate to them with Christian love, as I would anyone. But I do need to make sure I'm always getting healthy doses of the Word and God's standards for marriage and be aware of whether the "influencers" in my life are encouraging me toward a healthy marriage.

But, I have to say, that co-worker stat is really intriguing. We choose our friends. We don't usually choose our co-workers. So, what would it be about a co-worker that would influence my marriage?

Kerner also pointed out that the workplace, sitting around having coffee during breaks or having lunch, can become a "viral atmosphere" for gossip, venting and other negative conversations. So, though I can't choose my co-workers, I need to be careful there about what I let my words and ears dwell on.

By the way, the study also pointed out that couples with kids are less likely to be influenced by divorces around them. So, while we often hear that couples "stay together only because of the kids," it could also be that building a family life together contributes to marital happiness and God's continuing plan for marriage. Hmm ... maybe it's time to start that family.

Last week, I came home from work and my husband greeted me saying, "It's just me and you tonight." I wasn't exactly sure what he was implying, because it's always just me and him; we live together, by ourselves, and that's it.

After asking him what he wanted to do, he replied, "It doesn't matter, as long as it's just me and you." By this time, I had replayed our past week back in my head, and in actuality, it had not been just me and him. Monday we had friends over for dinner, Tuesday night my husband had grad school classes, girls' Bible study the next night, our marriage small group at church the following night, and then my mom came in town for the weekend to help us with the neighborhood garage sale. So, actually there had not been much "just me and you" time.

When my husband and I were dating and engaged, I was so excited for marriage, thinking we would have more time together; time in the mornings before work, time on the couch after work, time in bed at night. But "me and you time" seems to slip away very easily. Although we had still been together in many of these activities, we had gone nearly a week without a night of just us. I appreciated my husband bringing this to my attention, as I did not even realize how fast the week had gone by, how quickly we can be distracted by things outside of our marriage, even if they are good things.

I want more "just me and you time," but I know we must be intentional about making it happen. It isn't a by-product of marriage, but something that must be intentional.

Has "just me and you" time with your spouse been hard to find? Do you find yourself getting involved, even if together, in activities that take away your alone time? How do you make time for each other?

What are the primary and subsidiary roles of government? And in this age of moral relativism, is it wise to make political arguments from a biblical perspective on issues like abortion and same-sex marriage?

The Gospel Coalition blogger Justin Taylor took the time to answer these questions (and many more) by reformatting an essay titled "Law and Moral Purpose" by Professor Robert P. George published in First Things a couple of years ago.

I've touched on the roles of government before here and here so I was most interested in what Professor George had to say about engaging the political discourse with moral truths. For example, is society too far gone "to be reached by moral argument"?

We must, to be sure, practice the much-neglected and badly underrated virtue of prudence. But we must have faith that truth is luminously powerful, so that if we bear witness to the truth about, say, marriage and the sanctity of human life — lovingly, civilly, but also passionately and with determination—and if we honor the truth in advancing our positions, then even many of our fellow citizens who now find themselves on the other side of these issues will come around.

And why are some people afraid to speak the "truth"?

They evidently believe that people who claim to know the truth about anything — and especially about moral matters — are fundamentalists and potential totalitarians. But, as Hadley Arkes has patiently explained, those on the other side of the great debates over social issues such as abortion and marriage make truth claims — moral truth claims — all the time. They assert their positions with no less confidence and no more doubt than one finds in the advocacy of pro-lifers and defenders of conjugal marriage. They proclaim that women have a fundamental right to abortion. They maintain that "love makes a family" and other strong and controversial moral claims. The question, then, is not whether there are truths about such things as the morality of abortion and the nature of marriage; the question in each case is, What is true?

Everybody approaches politics with truth claims. It could be from the worldview of Christianity, Islam, Pagan Mysticism or some smorgasbord of several religions blended with personal experience. The question is, which belief system do you believe answers the most fundamental questions about life and liberty, law and government?

I was 24 when I felt the conviction to start tithing regularly. I can't explain it, really, but I think I just came the conclusion that if I loved God and His work the way I said I did, my bank account needed to start reflecting that. Since then, I have encountered some Christians who seem very tense about the concept of tithing. They say it's not for today or that you don't have to give it to the church. I'm not so sure.

I think those debates can get us off the real point, which is: What should be the priority of giving in a believer's life? Because I had read somewhere that twenty-somethings are some of the worst givers of all, I decided to do a little digging to try to discover what the Bible really says about giving and the consequences of failing to do so. Then I wrote an article about it.

Randy Alcorn has said:

The concepts behind the firstfruits — the ownership and worthiness of God and the servanthood and indebtedness of man — are as true today as they were in the Old Testament. And surely the gratitude of God's people should be far greater on this side of Calvary than the other!

I think behind the debate on tithing and giving to the church lies a heart problem. Sometimes ... deep down ... I want to keep my money for myself. Either because I trust in it too much or I buy into the deception that it is mine (rather than God's). Is it hard sometimes to watch that 10 percent disappear from each paycheck? Yes. But much is at stake.

There is an undeniable connection between the heart and the wallet. Matthew 6:21 says: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." If none of your money is going to the church, missions or humanitarian aid, the Bible makes it clear that your desires aren't in those places either. And that is the problem.

The Bible urges again and again to give generously, not out of obligation or to score points with God, but because, when you do, you will be truly blessed by the experience. God doesn't need our stuff, but He invites us to use our resources to be part of what He is doing. (Be sure to read the article to find out why it's titled "Giving My Dinosaurs.")

Despite hitting a bee with my face at 45 miles an hour two summers ago (I know, I know — I should have been wearing a helmet on the scooter), I really do like bees. They make honey, they pollinate fruit trees and cause fruit to grow, they do waggle dances.

Recently, I watched a particularly massive bumblebee lumbering through the blossoms in our yard. He was completely covered in pollen. Being a person who doesn't particularly like being dirty, I wondered what he thought about all the pollen stuck to him:

• Did he see pollen residue as a necessary nuisance in order to gather nectar?
• What if he had pollen allergies?
• Did he get irritated about constantly being coated with yellow dust?

Harold Bee: Hi, Honeybee; I'm home.

Honeybee: How was your day?

Harold Bee: [sigh] Dirty as ever. You know, no matter how I approach a flower, I still get all this horrible yellow dust all over me. I hate it! I'm going to Google "pollen repellant" after I shower.

Honeybee: You're the only bee I know who is worried about touching pollen. Why does it bother you so much?

Harold Bee: I see all those hornets and wasps and yellow jackets who can eat nectar and pollen without looking like they rolled in it. I just want to be clean for more than a day. Is that too much to ask for?

Whether or not they know it, getting pollen on their bodies and spreading it from flower to flower is part of a bee's purpose. They may think they're just finding food for themselves, but they're actually making it possible for us to have food too.

Then I wondered what parts of myself or my life are "pollinating" others. There are lots of things about my life that irritate me and that I don't see any purpose for. But what if those are the very things God has made to use for His kingdom in ways I've never imagined? It's a humbling thought, that what I see as weaknesses about myself or my life are the tools of a powerful, loving God who has chosen to include me in His grand scheme.

Rather than compare myself to others, I want to live as though my quirks are an opportunity for God's glory to shine. "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

What are your irritants? Have you seen God move through you because of them?

I remember the first time my husband corrected me in public.

I was heading into a social situation where I knew I'd probably get fired up or go too far, and I'd asked him to let me know if I needed to pull back. Sure enough, not long after arriving, I got a nudge under the table from him — though I thought maybe he was just shifting in his seat. I kept going on and got a gentle hand on my knee. I glanced at him to see him giving me a subtle "this-is-me-letting-you-know-you're-crossing-the-line-and-remember-that-you-asked-me-to-do-this" look.

Despite the fact that no one else saw the exchange or seemed to notice that anything had happened, I felt embarrassed, relieved and thankful all at the same time. It was tempting to lean into the embarrassment and get annoyed that he'd corrected me, but I finally gave into grace and simply thanked God (and him) for the gentle, gracious chastisement.

Lately, I've seen a lot of public correction among couples. And that I've seen it says it wasn't pretty. I saw a couple driving down our street come to a screeching halt as she refused to take whatever he was dishing out, leading to his screaming and yelling all kinds of names at her in front of me and all the other neighbors (all of whom got on the phone with the police — we're an ... involved neighborhood). I saw a wife belittle her husband pointedly over something that wasn't my business (or the business of anyone else present). I talked with a woman who frequently spoke disrespectfully about her husband to me and who knows whom else.

How have we come to this? I have very, very few memories from my growing up years of any married couple even using a harsh tone with each other, much less belittling each other in public. But it seems so much more commonplace these days. It horrifies me every time I see it, and I never know how to respond (aside from calling the police, as necessary). I don't even remember a single time that my mom corrected my dad in front of anyone, even at our soccer games, where he screamed so loudly and animatedly that he got warnings from the refs (and Mom would pretend like she didn't know who he was, chiming in with, "Yeah, I do see that guy. I can't believe how he's acting! I feel bad for his wife.")

Jeremy and I have made a commitment to find subtle and respectful ways to correct each other in public, and only to do so when it's absolutely necessary. While I may be embarrassed or even irritated about being chastised (and why is it that I always want to backpedal when I'm being corrected, rather than just accepting it in the tone and attitude in which it was actually given?), I know it's in love and that my husband will always find a discreet, respectful way to handle it.

How do you handle correcting your spouse in public or being a corrected spouse? What kind of "couple's rules" have you set up, and how well do they work?

While out of town on a business trip this week with a colleague, I (more than once) told him how much I missed my husband. My colleague has been married longer than I have and jokingly told me that as I matured in my marriage, I'd miss my husband less — that missing my spouse was a mark of a less-mature marriage. At the time I just shot him a dirty look and ignored the comment.

But now I'm wondering whether I'm supposed to "grow up" and not pine so much for my spouse when we're apart. Really, what is the mark of a mature marriage?

When we were first married, older couples would smile at us when they saw us flirting with each other in public or holding hands in church, and they'd tell us, "Don't worry; it wears off in time. Give it five years." We were horrified. We didn't want it to wear off, but we were willing to recognize that the butterflies would probably lessen over time.

Well, those first five years came and went, and my heart still stops when he comes home and walks in the door. Does that mean we're not properly maturing as a couple? Granted, we've been through some significant (and life-changing) ups and downs and are stronger for them. But he's still my favorite person to hang out with, and I'm his. Is it really supposed to wear off? Are we doing it wrong if we still hold hands when we walk into the grocery store, or if he and I scramble to do all the household chores before the other gets home from work (just so we can have more time to simply be together)?

How much do you and your spouse pine for each other? How much has it worn off in your years of marriage?

Last night my husband and I had our mentors over for dinner. We have met them for dinner at a restaurant. And last time we had dinner at their house. But this was the first time we'd invited them into our home.

Things like this don't come naturally to me. They require planning. The menu, for example. What can I serve that is easy to prepare, appropriate for the season and contains all the food groups? There is the housecleaning to do. And then I have to think about the actual hosting process. How do I negotiate transitions? For example, how do I smoothly end the dinner conversation and transition to playing Wii bowling in the basement? And from there, how do I transition back to serving dessert and coffee?

I imagine a certain comfort level with hospitality develops with time and practice. Actually, our evening went beautifully, and as Kevin and I washed the dishes later in the evening, I heard myself say: "I'd like to try to have people over for dinner on a regular basis this summer." Our next victims ... er, guests ... are a couple from church. They're coming over tomorrow night. No time like the present.

How have you developed hospitality? What things hold you back? What good experiences have you had?