Someone posted a comment on my blog about leading wanting more help with understanding submission.

If leading is tough, submission is probably tougher. I could write a book on this (actually, I did) because I feel so strongly about the issue and it's so difficult to apply to real-life marriage.

I've learned to understand submission in terms of power, not weakness. God has given women a tremendous amount of power in marriage. A woman can literally destroy her husband with her words and attitudes. Submission, in essence, is God's warning to be careful with how she uses that power and influence.

Guys have very sensitive egos. That's not a criticism, it's a statement. A man's confidence/competence is critical to his functioning in every area. His wife has the power to either build him up or tear him down -- it's her choice.

Think of submission not so much in terms of letting your husband make every decision in your household, but more in terms of your attitude toward him. Do you trust him? Do you believe in him? Are you rooting for him to succeed in life? Will you still be by his side if/when he fails? These are not feelings -- they are choices.

"A wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears hers down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1).

So instead of grumbling again about the disarray in which I found my sock drawer, I asked my wife if, the next time she wrapped up laundry, she could match the socks before putting them away.

The next time the sock drawer was replenished, all the pairs of socks were nestled next to their mate, holding fast to each other with a simple roll at the open end.

Instead of feeling a simple lack of discontentment, and instead of simply feeling thankful that she had helped make my mornings that much more efficient, I actually felt loved.

Yup, I imagined my wife washing a load of laundry, moving the clothes into the dryer ... and then spending the time rifling through 20 seemingly disparate socks, finding a match for each, and gently tucking them into my sock drawer. A fruitless effort for her personally, something that doesn't personally benefit her routine, but something that makes mine go just that much more smoothly.

And that makes me feel loved. I feel loved, and humbled, when Ashleigh inconveniences herself for me in this way.

Which, naturally, makes me think of you. What makes you feel loved? Have you told your spouse what makes you feel loved? Now, why don't you take a risk and tell them?

It happened again. I just found out that a couple I really respected got divorced ... just shy of a decade after marriage. Something about this kind of news has the tendency to produce panic in me. I am too aware of my own sin and weakness, and I think, If it happened to them ...

As I was grappling with this discouragement yesterday, God reminded me of His words — God has not given you a spirit of fear. This verse, 2 Timothy 1:7, says the following in the NIV: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." In pondering this verse, something occurred to me. God asks us to be on the offense in our lives, including our marriages. Defense would say, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to stand my ground against whatever Satan throws at my marriage." But in the 2 Timothy verse, Paul is advocating action ... true boldness. This would suggest that we should be on the offense for the sake of our marriages instead of waiting for trouble to come to them. Consider the three replacements for fear.

Power. We are not on our own when it comes to marital stress and strife. God's Spirit provides us with supernatural power to overcome. Romans 8:37 encourages: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Divorce is not inevitable for the Christian; God makes His power—the power that raised Jesus from the dead—available to His children. Even the most hopeless of circumstances can be redeemed and repaired through this incredible power.

Love. Instead of fearing what might happen to my marriage, I need to practice love. To do this, I look for every way possible to first love God and then love my husband. 1John 4:18 says: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." As I'm walking with the Lord and loving Him, I need not fear punishment—that the beautiful thing he has done in my life will suddenly crumble. That is not His way. And Satan would like to intimidate me with that fear.

Self-Discipline. This concept is translated in some versions as "a sound mind." This goes back to being on the offense. I do not need to be a slave to emotions or fleshly desires that might threaten my marriage. God has given me tools to overcome. One of those is self-discipline. Are you giving Satan a foothold to distract you from truth because you are too busy to spend time with God in His Word each day? Are bad habits and addictions tearing apart your relationship? This does not need to be. God offers us the ability to exercise self-discipline, to take the steps to protect our marriages. This may require strict accountability and a commitment to truth over feelings, but the payoff is well worth the effort. A few years ago, a male co-worker of mine would ask his female administrative assistant to look through all his graphic design mail and discard anything containing inappropriate images. My friend, the assistant, always admired this man's commitment to his marriage demonstrated through this small act of self-discipline.

Yesterday, I needed to hear this truth from the Lord. Just because people I admire and respect have suffered the pain and loss of a broken marriage, does not mean this has to be my fate. I don't have to wait in fear for my God-ordained romance to fall apart. Sure, Satan will want to pull it apart to detract from God's glory, but my loving Father offers me another way. Not a cowering, on-the-offense fear, but a godly charge of power, love and a sound mind. What a refreshing truth.

We visited my husband's family over Christmas break (yes, I've been out of school for years but still think in terms of school calendars). While we were at church Sunday morning, I chatted with folks I hadn't seen in over a year and met a few new people. For some reason, I was extremely aware of conclusions I was drawing about these people and about the other congregants they spoke of. And as I chatted, I suddenly wondered, If Jesus were to show up today as Messiah — that first time around after people had waited centuries upon centuries for His appearance — would I see Him as a fraud?

I got to wondering what ideas I have about Jesus that I'd expect Him to fulfill. I know I've sat in smug satisfaction in the past, wondering self-righteously how the Jewish people could have overlooked Jesus as Messiah because of all the prophecies He fulfilled. It seems so obvious!

But even looking at Isaiah more closely, some of what the Jews expected (a political leader who would overthrow the Roman government) seems to be specific criteria for Messiah:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. (Isaiah 9:6-7)

That seems pretty specific. And I imagine many Jewish believers looked disapprovingly on the "weak" ones who "fell for Jesus" and believed Him to be Messiah. If Messiah hadn't already come and I'd known that this passage is a prophecy for Messiah, I'd have been looking at Jesus to see Him take political power.

But He didn't.

So what preconceived notions do I have of Christ that I'd want Him to fulfill? In the past, I'd have said He had to be nice, since Christians are supposed to be nice. But it doesn't sound very "nice" to compare a woman to her face to a dog (Matthew 15:21-28). I know better now ... but do I? I've had plenty of unbiblical expectations about God and His church. What do I believe about Jesus right now that isn't true? And how does that hinder fullness in my relationship with Him? Even more, how do I find those faulty ideas and remove them?

For now, I've started looking at the points in my life where I've felt that God has disappointed me. It's an eye-opening exercise, and I'll blog about some of this in the time ahead. What preconceived notions have you had about God, either past or present? How have they hindered a closer relationship with Christ? And for you, which ideas are the hardest to get past in order to see Jesus for who He really is?

So I woke up late last night, half-way, and sensed something frightening to the side of the bed. Looking over, kinda, I saw two short, stocky creatures, like some scary dwarves you might see on Syfy. Of course, I found myself in a state of sleep paralysis, so all I could do was lay there in fear. Finally, I was able to squeak a sound out of my mouth, which helped me snap out of semi-consciousness and made the apparitions dissipate. It may sound anti-climactic, but I was able to roll over and fall back asleep pretty easily.

That got me thinking, though: What if there are spiritual beings bent on disrupting my life, specifically my marriage? If that's the case (and Scripture does reinforce the idea that evil spirits exist and want to do me harm), then what am I able to do about them? Maybe I can immerse myself more in God's Word. Maybe I can try harder to avoid the sins that seem to welcome these things. And maybe I can pray to the Lord for protection, and maybe even address these spirits directly in Jesus' name.

In his preface to The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis wrote:

There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight.

I agree. Thinking too much about dark spirits is not good. At the same time, it's not good to dismiss the reality of their existence.

So for the sake of my family, I'll continue working on improving communication with my wife. I'll listen to Focus on the Family and read things that'll help my marriage. I'll try to take better care of my health. But I'll also pray the Lord's spiritual protection over my household -- since we're not hindered merely by wrong ideas and physical barriers, but by evil spirits as well.