When you hear that term, what comes to mind?

A couple of days ago I was flipping through some old copies of my grad school alumni magazine. They featured current and former students who'd done well, who had gone on to write books, make waves in government, take on pastorates, receive teaching awards, produce prize-winning films, head up inner city missions, and so on.

And that was just the women.

The message is that "successful women," those whom we should honor for their leadership skills, are those who influence people on a large scale. The more people affected by the alumna, the more successful.

But what about those women who went on to influence a small group of people, and more deeply? What about those women who, with master's degrees in hand, chose to forgo acclaim and take on the humble responsibility of being mere mothers? Who exchanged the temporal significance of a sterile board room for the eternal significance of the family room?

It's enough that my alumni magazine promotes women pastors, a vocation with no biblical precedence. But by remaining silent about the influential role of full-time mother, they imply that such women may not be counted among the "successful."

I know it's a cliche, but perhaps it is so because it's so true: In their last moments, women will likely not regret having spent so few hours working for The Man. They'll regret not having spent as much time as they could with the ones they love. In the case of married women, that's likely to include their children.

It's fine to recognize the success of women outside the home. Let's also recognize the too-overlooked success of those who, as the saying goes, rock the cradle.

My hubbie and I were married three years when he got transferred to Colorado. Within a few months I found myself with a mountain view, a new job and one seriously long commute from Denver to Colorado Springs. A 52-minute commute, not that I was counting.

It wasn't that I minded the drive. As I said, I had some nice views along the way and a job I was excited about. Still, I was relieved to find, within a few weeks of starting my job, that there was another fellow Denverite making the drive to work as well. Suddenly, visions of carpooling and reduced gas bills were dancing in my head.

But when I approached him about sharing the long drive, he was less than enthusiastic. Though he admitted the logic of it, and appreciated my thinking of him ... No, he didn't think he'd take me up on my carpooling offer. I was slightly miffed.

Why not? I asked.

He explained very graciously. He and his wife had made an agreement -- they would not spend time with members of the opposite sex one-on-one. They felt it was a wise way to protect their marriage.

I was still slightly miffed. It's not like I'm on the prowl for you, I thought. This is about practicality.

That night, my hubbie and I discussed the situation. We admitted that the gas savings would have been nice, but wanted to respect this couple's wishes. Oh, well.

But, for both of us, the simmer process started. Maybe this couple really was wise. Maybe, with some things in marriage, a good defense is a good offense. Maybe maturity is not about pushing right up to the boundaries, but taking a few giant, mother-may-I steps back away from them.

About a year later, after some prayer and some more discussions, my husband and I decided. This couple was smart. We wanted to be proactive about protecting our marriage as well. We would do the same.

Most of the time, it works really well. Sometimes, it doesn't. Like the time I was supposed to go on a work trip to California with two male colleagues and one backed out ... 30 minutes before the plane was to take off. (I still went on that trip, but called hubbie and discussed it first.) Or the time that hubbie was supposed to go to lunch with a female and a male co-worker and the male, you guessed it, backed out in the parking lot. (Hubbie explained the situation to the female co-worker and rescheduled the lunch.)

But, even with the occasional messiness, it's a commitment I'm glad we've made. Not because it's a requirement, but because we think it's wise.

Over at the Stuff Christians Like blog, Jonathan Acuff writes:

I don't know. I don't have the answer on this one. Just the idea that things get a little awkward when you get married and have to figure out friendships with the opposite sex. But of the two camps, "Jeez you're such a Puritan, loosen up" and "Better safe than sorry, can a dude drive me to the airport," I know which one I want to fall into. Because no one ever wakes up and says, "Today I'm having an affair." Affairs are slow burn decisions, with a wick a mile long made of little steps and little compromises.

I agree. I don't think hubbie and I have got "the" answer. But we're trying to stop that wick before there's ever a chance to spark. What about you? Is there anything you do to set up boundaries around your marriage?