When my hubbie and I had been married about two years, our Sunday School class went through a book called His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

"This book was written to educate you in the care of your spouse," Harley writes in the introduction. He then goes on to list (from his experience as a marital counselor) the five main needs of a husband and the five main needs of a wife. That book was really eye opening for me -- in many ways. But one of the "takeaways" that I have to this day was Harley's number two need of a husband: a recreational companion.

Harley writes:

"It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching movies they would never have chosen on their own. After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. I consider that option very dangerous to a marriage, because men place suprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. The TV stereotypes paint the opposite picture, showing husbands out with the boys on fishing trips saying, 'It doesn't get any better than this.' My counseling files say it can get a lot better. In fact, among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband."

Something about that really connected with me. As I looked back over our dating time and early marriage, I could see that my hubbie seemed to get energized when we shared recreational moments together. So, I began to try to be intentional about that.

It wasn't always easy. I didn't play golf, he did. So we had several "driving range dates" where he would teach, I would try and we'd laugh a lot. He played basketball, I didn't. But I made sure that I was at every league game he played. We both liked football, so we got season tickets to our alma mater. Even just walking together in the evenings proved fruitful. I started to realize that we had as many (if not more) great talks doing things "side by side" as we did sitting down "face to face."

When kids came along, it became a little bit more of a challenge. But, even then, we bought a garage sale hiking backback and a jogging stroller and hit the trails. Or I would bring a toddler and a baby along with me to those basketball games. Or we will get a babysitter to go do a couples scramble golf night. (Love the "scramble" concept, can I just say? Way less pressure!)

My husband too, has made an effort to take on a few of my interests. There is some musical theatre he just can't stomach, but he took me to see the national tour of Wicked this last summer and we both really enjoyed it.

Currently, I'm learning to appreciate the ins and outs of fantasy football. Sometimes I cheer on his players. Sometimes I'll give him reports in between Sunday chores ("Hey, hon, Adrian just scored a touchdown!"). Sometimes I just fall asleep with him on the couch as he watches. But it all works -- and I know he appreciates that I am willing to share that with him.

Below is a picture of us recreating last weekend. We rented a cabin a few hours away from our home and spent time hiking and enjoying the views with our two kids.

In For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn quotes one husband who says, "The woman having fun with her husband is incredibly attractive. If you see a woman out playing golf with her husband, I guarantee that all the other guys are jealous. Getting out and having fun together falls off in marriage because of various responsibilities, but men still want to play with their wives."

Harley writes it this way in his book, "The couple that plays together, stays together."

For my marriage, I've found that to be good advice.

I've never been much for conferences. So much sitting and listening; and when you're not sitting and listening, mingling with a very large group of strangers. In the past I've tended to arrive late and leave early. But this past Saturday was different.

Steve and I headed to Focus on the Family to watch the Parenting simulcast. (Ted Slater was there too with his camera around his neck. Hence the photo.) It was exciting to be at the live site, especially knowing there were thousands of couples participating at 250+ satellite locations around the US, Canada and places farther away. It was fun to meet Elisa Morgan; chat it up with Matthew West, Phil Vischer and Ron Luce; brainstorm with Mark Holmen and be inspired by Larry Fowler. And Kevin Leman? Well let's just say I was laughing so loud that the people around me were looking at me funny.

But the best part of this stay-till-the-end conference was the fact that Steve and I were there, listening and learning, together. We were newly encouraged to give our all to our shared mission of parenting. And even better, everything about the day is now part of our common experience and language. As we face the daily highs and lows of raising kids, we have a wealth of new insights and resources and ideas we can mine together. It's like Solomon said,

"Two are better than one,
      because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,
      his friend can help him up.
      But pity the man who falls
      and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

And in the shared responsibility of bringing up the next generation, that's a powerful truth.

I met and married Ashleigh back in Virginia some six or seven years ago. One of the cool things about that state commonwealth is its historical and geographical sites. We've got great memories of our times wandering around Williamsburg, Jamestown, Old Town Portsmouth, Kiptopeke State Park, the oceanfront, and the bordering state district of Washington, D.C.

Since moving to Colorado four years ago, we've begun to explore this region as well. Of course we've been awed by Garden of the Gods and made the trek to the top of Pike's Peak (by train, not by car or foot). But we've also discovered some out-of-the way mountain town diners, a park/ranch that feels stuck in the 1800s, and some quaint Old West museums. We're intrigued by the history and diversity of God and man.

Most recently, we've learned that by taking the bypass around Denver, we can get from our home to Vail in just two hours. A few weeks ago we did just that. My wife searched the internet for a good hotel at a good price, and I made reservations. We arrived just in time for some Oktoberfest music and food, took a gondola to the top of one of the ski hills, let two-thirds of our children enjoy a "bungee harnessed trampoline," and ate at a couple of restaurants. But I think what we enjoyed most was just getting away from the routine to breath some crisp mountain air and reflect on the creativity of the One who with His hands and His imagination made the mountains and trees and sky and clouds.

I feel rejuvenated when I get out in nature. It's as though the earthiness of it draws out workday stress like a sponge. The freshness, the vibrancy, the grandeur move me to pause and reflect on the One who in an act of magnificent love brought "all this" into being. I'm humbled, and revived, by such lofty and comforting thoughts.