Young Married Life
13 Posts tagged with the time_and_money tag
I was 24 when I felt the conviction to start tithing regularly. I can't explain it, really, but I think I just came the conclusion that if I loved God and His work the way I said I did, my bank account needed to start reflecting that. Since then, I have encountered some Christians who seem very tense about the concept of tithing. They say it's not for today or that you don't have to give it to the church. I'm not so sure.
I think those debates can get us off the real point, which is: What should be the priority of giving in a believer's life? Because I had read somewhere that twenty-somethings are some of the worst givers of all, I decided to do a little digging to try to discover what the Bible really says about giving and the consequences of failing to do so. Then I wrote an article about it.
Randy Alcorn has said:
The concepts behind the firstfruits — the ownership and worthiness of God and the servanthood and indebtedness of man — are as true today as they were in the Old Testament. And surely the gratitude of God's people should be far greater on this side of Calvary than the other!
I think behind the debate on tithing and giving to the church lies a heart problem. Sometimes ... deep down ... I want to keep my money for myself. Either because I trust in it too much or I buy into the deception that it is mine (rather than God's). Is it hard sometimes to watch that 10 percent disappear from each paycheck? Yes. But much is at stake.
There is an undeniable connection between the heart and the wallet. Matthew 6:21 says: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." If none of your money is going to the church, missions or humanitarian aid, the Bible makes it clear that your desires aren't in those places either. And that is the problem.
The Bible urges again and again to give generously, not out of obligation or to score points with God, but because, when you do, you will be truly blessed by the experience. God doesn't need our stuff, but He invites us to use our resources to be part of what He is doing. (Be sure to read the article to find out why it's titled "Giving My Dinosaurs.")
If you're constantly broke and can't figure out why, the answer may be sitting in your driveway. Or so says Liz Pulliam Weston in an article over at MSN Money.
Weston writes that for a huge number of debtors, it's the car that's the problem. Why? Three reasons:
- Too much car: "Sandra McGeary, a counselor at Consumer Credit Counseling Services of Western Pennsylvania, says she regularly sees middle-class families struggling with two payments in the $400-to-$500 range. The burdens are so big that it doesn't take a major disaster, like a job loss, to send them over the edge." The problem, too, is that it's not easy to trim the auto budget once too-big decisions have been made. You can eat out less, You can turn the thermostat up or down. But it's more than difficult to get out from under a car, especially if you're "upside down" on it.
- Financed too long: According to the article, nearly 90% of new-car loans and 81% of used-car loans are financed on terms longer than four years (which used to be considered a long loan term). "Longer loan terms," Weston writes, "mean that people build equity in their car more slowly, which in turn means that borrowers will be "upside down" in their vehicles -- owing more than they're worth -- for three years or more on the typical purchase."
- Traded too soon: Then, it appears that many buyers aren't willing to stick with these too-expensive, financed-for-too-long, cars. Despite being "upside down," many buyers choose to purchase even newer cars, simply rolling what they owed on the old car into their new loan. (One-fifth of all cars that are currently being financed include debt from a past car.) Weston writes: "Rolling debt from one car to another is, in case you didn't know, a terrible idea. You'll pay higher interest rates because so much of what you owe isn't secured by the car itself."
How can we avoid letting cars wreck our financial lives? Weston has some advice, including: Stop getting sucked into the status symbol game (buy less); Remember the overall cost of the car (including insurance, maintenance and gas); and Don't Fall Into the "Well-If-They-Approved-Me-I-Must-Be-Able-To-Afford-It" Trap.
My advice? Drive old cars.
We don't invite many people over for dinner in the fall. If someone should "surprise" us and drop by, they are likely the ones who will be "surprised" -- and they may never come back!
Not many women could live with a man like me. And even fewer women would be willing to live frugally so that we can enjoy the "finer art" of rural existence. My wife, I'm convinced, is custom made for me. She's a Proverbs 31 woman, but so much more.
To give you some background, I left a low-stress, comfortable job to work in the very challenging and not-so-comfortable, high-stress battlefield of public policy. We were both reluctant to leave the security and comfort of my former job. But God was clearly moving in our hearts, and we knew God would win if this struggle turned into a wrestling match!
When God speaks, you listen. And the quicker you submit your will to His will and act in obedience, the sooner your mind and soul will be at peace. As for the future, take a deep breath, buckle up and take the next step in faith.
Fast forward to the present: We now have the privilege to work in ministry within the realm of public policy. I'd be lying if I said it's easy and comfortable. Hardly! But I'd also be negligent if I didn't tell you that there's great satisfaction living in His will.
God has always kept a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, cars running and food on the table. But the methods we employ to make ends meet and live on some acreage often require thrift, humility and lots of hard work.
This is why I say that my wife is a unique and very courageous person to adapt, endure and persevere with me (and our crazy life). What's amazing is that she remains my greatest advocate and my steadfast encouragement -- she never condemns me for not providing an "easier" life for her (aside from her dislike of raising chickens).
It's funny how God joins us with just the right person, isn't it? If God joined you two together, then your spouse is made just for you -- to mature, complement and complete you. And this will only become more apparent the longer you are married. Love is sacrificial, but also complementary. So much is required, and yet there is such an abundance to be gained.
Back to why you may not want to visit us in the fall ...
First off, we buy good, used cars, but they do have "character." Some might think, "I'd never drive that!" But, hey, they run pretty well.
Next you'll see a black mountain of coal near our driveway (we live in the country) along with black gloves and coal-carrying bins by the front door. We cut heating costs using a coal-burning stove in our basement. My tiny wife stokes the fire all day long in the fall and winter -- it's a hard, dirty job, but she doesn't complain.
And did I tell you she watches our neighbor's baby a few days per week (extra "fun" cash)? Our kids learn responsibility by collecting eggs from our chickens, so Jen can grind some wheat and make fresh bread. She's amazing!
Warning: This part's a little ugly if you're squeamish.
Our dining table is just large enough to hold the hind leg of an elk or deer, so that we can butcher our meat and freeze it for the coming year. Yes, I hunt deer and elk -- not for sport, but out of thrift and necessity -- so we can eat well and live in the country.
My wife and I butcher our own meat, because processing is expensive. Meat, blood, gloves, knives and freezer wrap adorn our fall table. (A slight frown, however, betrays Jen's fragile smile and exposes her dislike for butchering. But, she courageously "bucks" up and does it anyway.)
Still want to visit us in the fall?
We're a unique team, and only God could have known the wife I'd need. She's my perfect mate, and I thank the Lord bringing her -- and her alone -- to me in marriage.
We may wear slightly worn clothes (or from half-off sales), drive humble cars, have coal soot on our faces, make our own bread and pull elk or deer meat from our freezer to eat. This frugal lifestyle is not for everyone. But thrift works for us, and I'm glad my wife's in agreement, especially in the fall.
Times are tough, and we're all tightening our belts. Have you had similar experiences, trying to enjoy life but save money at the same time?
Last night Kevin and I put away the Christmas ornaments.
There, I said it.
We put away some of our Christmas stuff in early January, but a nagging plastic bin topped with an array of Kevin's childhood ornaments mocked us from the corner of the livingroom. Last night, we sat down to the task of reboxing those ornaments; it took us about an hour. After that, we sorted our mail, emptied a bag of junk we'd brought in from our car and vacuumed. The end result was a clean, Christmas-decoration-free living room.
Historically, it has been primarily the wife's responsibility to keep the house tidy and make the house a home. I still feel this pressure, though Kevin assures me it's OK that we share the duty since we both work full-time outside the home. Still, we're a couple of busy, social butterflies who struggle to keep up with the housework.
Maybe that's why I felt convicted (while at the same time strangely encouraged) when I read: "From House to Home: The Art of Dwelling Well" by Jenny Schroedel. Her charge to make your home a sacred space got me thinking. Schroedel writes:
Generally speaking, domestication has not come naturally, which may be why Victoria Moran's Shelter for the Spirit captured me. Moran doesn't buy into the retail myth: she believes that making a home is about learning to live faithfully in your space, ordering your environment in a serene and hospitable way. She explores the spiritual dimensions of homemaking, manifest in the concrete, everyday details like cleaning, cooking and entertaining.
Schroedel's advice is practical and specific. Things like working in short cleaning sessions and creating hospitable light. As I discussed the article with Kevin, he affirmed his desire that our home be a place where we can refuel and a place where people feel blessed when they enter. Achieving that kind of home will require that we set aside more hours -- like those spent last night -- to catch up on household tasks. But we discovered an unexpected joy in cleaning together. Not only did we feel a sense of accomplishment at putting away those pesky ornaments, but we also enjoyed the conversation and teamwork of doing the job together. In my opinion, it was an evening well-spent.
How do you make your house feel like a home? Do you prefer to split up the duties or work on tasks together? How do you fit homemaking into a busy schedule?
I love asking this question when my two older children are cleaning their rooms. "Not funny, Daddy," come the groans. I love it.
Happiness is a tricky thing, isn't it? For several years, it was our goal in marriage. Alfie and I passionately pursued what most of us pursue in marriage, in all of life, really: our happiness! We reasoned that if spending time together made each of us happy, which it did, then why not do it for life?!
Turns out that life is not a perpetual weekend visit. It won't surprise you that there came a time, and quickly, when my happiness and her happiness were at odds. Still happens quite a bit actually. What then? I'll tell you what we did, we simply tried to convince the other that his/her definition was unreasonable and that our personal definition was brilliant. You can imagine Dr. Phil asking, "And how's that workin' for ya?"
Does it surprise you that we needed a few post-marital counseling sessions? It sure surprised us. We were Christians!
Somewhere along the way we made a discovery that will seem simple to you, but it revolutionized our marriage: Individual happiness is not a big enough cause to sustain a healthy marriage.
I know you're saying "duh," but really, that is a huge marriage revelation. We had given mental ascent to that truth, but the reality of it was a bit of a shocker.
If our final cause in marriage is individual, personal happiness, we are in for big trouble.
The problem started before our marriage, though. Marriage was merely the catalyst that brought it to the forefront. Alfie and I never would have thought we were so into our personal happiness as single people. It was such a part of our existence, we hardly noticed it. We noticed it in everyone else, of course, but not in us.
Once our vision for our marriage became bigger than the two of us as individuals, we began to feel the plane slowly lift off the runway. When we finally zeroed in on the vision of marriage being a catalyst to our loving and knowing and becoming more like Christ, we started to fly. When holiness became our target (HT: Gary Thomas), guess what? Happiness started hanging around too. That whole horse-in-front-of-the-cart thing.
So what about you? Have you experienced the frustration of individual "happiness" as a final cause for marriage?
Logging your take home pay and tracking your spending is one of the most financially healthy exercises you can undertake. There's something peaceful about knowing how much money you have, where it goes and living within your means.
My wife and I have a pretty simple budget philosophy. We keep the receipts for every purchase we make during the month and input the totals as quickly as we can so we don't forget.
Here's what our speadsheet of expenses looks like:
- Tithe
- Offering
- Mortgage
- Insurance-Life/Car
- Power/Utility
- Phone/Internet
- Groceries
- Savings
- Fuel
- Medical needs
- Home needs
- Auto needs
- Clothes
- Eating out
- Entertainment
- Misc./Gifts
The top half expenses are usually set amounts; the bottom half are a bit more flexible. So there's wiggle room if I need more for fuel or the power bill or a benevolence gift. After the month is up, total expenses usually equals net income (there are occasions when dipping into savings are necessary).
Another healthy benefit from keeping a budget is that your receipts reveal what you value most. To my shame, I'm constantly amazed at how quickly I run out of money for clothes, eating out and entertainment.
Unsubscribe and Generally De-Clutter as an Investment in Your Relationship
Posted by Steve_Watters Jan 16, 2010
"Unsubscribe."
That's the link I've been looking for on a lot of the emails coming my way over the past few days.
Every January I like to start the year with a fresh slate. As part of that process I re-evaluate my commitments to see if what sounded like a good idea at the time is still something worth doing.
It includes thinking about what I'm committed to at work and also what I've taken on outside of work in the form of projects and freelance opportunities. It also leads me to look at my routine with fresh eyes--to review the way I spend my mornings, evenings and weekends.
This year is the first year, however, that I thought to look again at my email box. It's amazing how much clutter can accumulate in an email box. Things I signed up for quite a while ago keep rolling in and wanting my time and attention. Things I don't remember ever wanting keep showing up and adding unncessary clutter.
It's felt great to take a few extra seconds lately and, instead of debating if I should give an email some of my time and attention, to just go ahead and decide to unsubscribe. My inbox is getting less and less cluttered and one more area of my life seems a little simpler.
The payoff for de-cluttering inboxes, calendars and our routines is that it earns us more time and attention for what matters most in life -- God, the work He's called us to do and the relationships He's given us. The more my wife and I take on de-cluttering projects like this, the more time and attention we have available for kingdom work each other and our kids.
Where could you de-clutter in order to make this a more meaningful year?
Sadly, many of the resolutions you made just a week ago may already be teetering: I'll get in shape, I'll be a better wife, I'll learn to love my in-laws, I'll grow in my faith, I'll learn to be a great cook, we'll get out of debt. On and on the aspirations fly, only to vaporize days later when they prove to be too difficult to achieve.
The beginning of the year, that blank slate of 2010 is too clean not to want to do some things differently than last year. Having a teachable spirit and the desire for growth and development are critical components to a Christ-follower and to a healthy marriage. But great expectations aren't enough to bring about true change. Here are some thoughts to help you make those aspirations translate into true change:
- Set goals that apply to actions, not results. As noble as it might sound, becoming a more devoted Christian is not a good goal. Neither is the goal of losing 25 pounds. When you set goals that are measured by results, you will get discouraged when you can't measure those results (what does it mean to be a more devoted Christian?) or when the results are not there (I actually gained a pound today!). Better, choose goals that are measure by actions like "I will make an effort to say something positive to my husband every morning" or "I will walk for 30 minutes four days a week." If you commit to the right actions, the results will eventually follow.
- Set realistic goals. True change is almost imperceptible. Show me someone who has completely changed his spending habits or her time on facebook in three days, and I will show you someone who will relapse within a few weeks. As John Trent wrote in "The 2-Degree Difference" a small change is more likely to stick and shift momentum in your life than some monumental, unrealistic goal.
- Remember that some things are so important, they are worth doing poorly. Maybe you are not at the point in life where you can commit to an hour of prayer and study a day. So, commit to 10 minutes. Maybe you don't yet know how to be a great wife or husband. Work towards being a better one. If you are an all-or-nothing person like I am, it may be tough for you to strive toward something you know you can't do perfectly. Push past that rationalization. When you fall off the wagon, don't abandon the goal. Imperfect progress is far better than no progress at all.
By the time people reach their 40s and 50s, many have given up the idea of growth and change because they've failed so many times at their attempts to be a better ______ (you fill in the blank). Yet Proverbs teaches that the primary difference between a wise person and a fool is the ability to learn and grow. Lay the foundation for that teachable spirit in you heart and marriage now -- in 2010.
New years always make me want to simplify my life.
As a newlywed (since September), my guest room, garage, car, kitchen and closets are currently a disaster. [The picture depicts what happens when I actually clean—I learn that I have much more chapstick and dental floss than I need!] The main thing I want to do right now is spend quality time with my husband. However, there comes a time when you have to take care of other things. And Steve Watters brings this out in his article "Clear Decks." He talks about how one of his college professors, Dr. Hubert Morken, used the term "clear the decks" as a metaphor for good time management. Watters writes:
During a recent visit I asked him where he got that phrase. "It's an ancient term that told sailors to get ready for action," he explained. When the captain told them to clear the decks, they would stow their hammocks, put away any tables, chairs or other loose items and make sure there was nothing cluttering the deck. He made the connection to the need to clear out any clutter in his personal life that might keep him from being ready for action.
It was something that C.S. Lewis said that challenged him to apply "clear decks" to his use of time. "Lewis encourages us to do an inventory of our time. He says there are things we have to do — like working a job or parenting kids, things we ought to do like exercise or care for the needy and things we want to do like read or explore a hobby. The problem however, is that when we look closely it's astonishing how much we do that doesn't fit any of those categories." This motivated Dr. Morken to attack wasted time — to keep his decks clear for important things.
Attack wasted time. That's the main thing I need to do in the new year. Why is important to clutter-proof your life and be intentional with your time? Stewardship. If your time is filled with useless activity and a fog of things needing to get done, you will most likely miss opportunities for real service that God has for you. Watters concludes:
As you think about your own life, look for every opportunity to get rid of clutter — and perhaps even big, important things that have become obstacles — in order to be available for action and opportunity in God's kingdom. Whatever it is that might be holding you back, be willing to trust God's commands as the captain of your ship. You never know what adventures are ahead when he calls out to you, "Clear the decks!"
That's a worthy goal for the new year.
Unloading that Precious Moments figurine you got last Christmas by re-giving it to a more ... ahem ... "Precious Moments" person is something that's gaining acceptance in this economy. There's even a book about how to do it properly. From The Washington Post:
Given the state of the economy and your bank account, buying gifts for certain friends and family may not be possible this holiday season.
But no need to worry if that is your situation. Surely you have nice but unused gifts stashed around your home. If so, pull them out to do what in the past might have been unthinkable -- regift.
More Americans this year are planning on regifting or passing on a gift they received from someone else, according to a Consumer Reports survey on holiday shopping. The poll found that 36 percent of U.S. adults said they would recycle a gift, compared with 31 percent last year and 24 percent in 2007.
For regifting, it appears the cliche "It's the thought that counts" has been replaced by "One person's junk is another person's treasure."
What about you? Are you planning to regift this year?
What's the difference between Christians and canoes? Canoes tip.
Anyone who's ever waited tables at some point in their lives usually ends up being a good tipper. The same is true for me. I have no trouble leaving generous tips because I know too well the low hourly wage of waitstaff. I actually enjoy big tipping. Other Christians, however, seem to have trouble letting go of the extra dollar or two that would make for a decent gratuity.
ThinkChristian blog has a good read on Christians and tipping, responding to a hyperbolic (but true) statement about legendary Christian cheapskatedness.
I recently encountered [a] blog post by Christian psychologist Richard Beck. He writes, provocatively, "The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth." He admits that he exaggerates, but I agree with him that he has a point.
Though I’ve never been a restaurant server, I’ve seen this complaint before: the after-church crowd are rude, demanding and stingy. Ever since I heard about this, I’ve become more conscious of the way I treat service workers. My sense of Sabbath makes me feel a little guilty about eating out on Sundays at all, but I’ll admit I do it anyway, sometimes in large groups. These large group, split the check situations are notorious for tipping problems, it’s complicated math, you think maybe somebody else will make up for you if you short the bill a little.
I'll bet if you listen closely, you can hear the whisper of a collective groan every Sunday afternoon rising from restaurants across America saying, "the after-church crowd." So before you head off to the Golden Corral remember the Golden Rule: "Do to others what you would have them do to you." And as for tipping, I won't go into Scripture on this subject. There really isn't any. It's just that God is so generous to us. And that makes me want to be generous too.
