I love asking this question when my two older children are cleaning their rooms. "Not funny, Daddy," come the groans. I love it.

Happiness is a tricky thing, isn't it? For several years, it was our goal in marriage. Alfie and I passionately pursued what most of us pursue in marriage, in all of life, really: our happiness! We reasoned that if spending time together made each of us happy, which it did, then why not do it for life?!

Turns out that life is not a perpetual weekend visit. It won't surprise you that there came a time, and quickly, when my happiness and her happiness were at odds. Still happens quite a bit actually. What then? I'll tell you what we did, we simply tried to convince the other that his/her definition was unreasonable and that our personal definition was brilliant. You can imagine Dr. Phil asking, "And how's that workin' for ya?"

Does it surprise you that we needed a few post-marital counseling sessions? It sure surprised us. We were Christians!

Somewhere along the way we made a discovery that will seem simple to you, but it revolutionized our marriage: Individual happiness is not a big enough cause to sustain a healthy marriage.

I know you're saying "duh," but really, that is a huge marriage revelation. We had given mental ascent to that truth, but the reality of it was a bit of a shocker.

If our final cause in marriage is individual, personal happiness, we are in for big trouble.

The problem started before our marriage, though. Marriage was merely the catalyst that brought it to the forefront. Alfie and I never would have thought we were so into our personal happiness as single people. It was such a part of our existence, we hardly noticed it. We noticed it in everyone else, of course, but not in us.

Once our vision for our marriage became bigger than the two of us as individuals, we began to feel the plane slowly lift off the runway. When we finally zeroed in on the vision of marriage being a catalyst to our loving and knowing and becoming more like Christ, we started to fly. When holiness became our target (HT: Gary Thomas), guess what? Happiness started hanging around too. That whole horse-in-front-of-the-cart thing.

So what about you? Have you experienced the frustration of individual "happiness" as a final cause for marriage?

"Unsubscribe."

That's the link I've been looking for on a lot of the emails coming my way over the past few days.

Every January I like to start the year with a fresh slate. As part of that process I re-evaluate my commitments to see if what sounded like a good idea at the time is still something worth doing.

It includes thinking about what I'm committed to at work and also what I've taken on outside of work in the form of projects and freelance opportunities. It also leads me to look at my routine with fresh eyes--to review the way I spend my mornings, evenings and weekends.

This year is the first year, however, that I thought to look again at my email box. It's amazing how much clutter can accumulate in an email box. Things I signed up for quite a while ago keep rolling in and wanting my time and attention. Things I don't remember ever wanting keep showing up and adding unncessary clutter.

It's felt great to take a few extra seconds lately and, instead of debating if I should give an email some of my time and attention, to just go ahead and decide to unsubscribe. My inbox is getting less and less cluttered and one more area of my life seems a little simpler.

The payoff for de-cluttering inboxes, calendars and our routines is that it earns us more time and attention for what matters most in life -- God, the work He's called us to do and the relationships He's given us. The more my wife and I take on de-cluttering projects like this, the more time and attention we have available for kingdom work each other and our kids.

Where could you de-clutter in order to make this a more meaningful year?

New years always make me want to simplify my life.

As a newlywed (since September), my guest room, garage, car, kitchen and closets are currently a disaster. [The picture depicts what happens when I actually clean—I learn that I have much more chapstick and dental floss than I need!] The main thing I want to do right now is spend quality time with my husband. However, there comes a time when you have to take care of other things. And Steve Watters brings this out in his article "Clear Decks." He talks about how one of his college professors, Dr. Hubert Morken, used the term "clear the decks" as a metaphor for good time management. Watters writes:

During a recent visit I asked him where he got that phrase. "It's an ancient term that told sailors to get ready for action," he explained. When the captain told them to clear the decks, they would stow their hammocks, put away any tables, chairs or other loose items and make sure there was nothing cluttering the deck. He made the connection to the need to clear out any clutter in his personal life that might keep him from being ready for action.

It was something that C.S. Lewis said that challenged him to apply "clear decks" to his use of time. "Lewis encourages us to do an inventory of our time. He says there are things we have to do — like working a job or parenting kids, things we ought to do like exercise or care for the needy and things we want to do like read or explore a hobby. The problem however, is that when we look closely it's astonishing how much we do that doesn't fit any of those categories." This motivated Dr. Morken to attack wasted time — to keep his decks clear for important things.

Attack wasted time. That's the main thing I need to do in the new year. Why is important to clutter-proof your life and be intentional with your time? Stewardship. If your time is filled with useless activity and a fog of things needing to get done, you will most likely miss opportunities for real service that God has for you. Watters concludes:

As you think about your own life, look for every opportunity to get rid of clutter — and perhaps even big, important things that have become obstacles — in order to be available for action and opportunity in God's kingdom. Whatever it is that might be holding you back, be willing to trust God's commands as the captain of your ship. You never know what adventures are ahead when he calls out to you, "Clear the decks!"

That's a worthy goal for the new year.

What's the difference between Christians and canoes? Canoes tip.

Anyone who's ever waited tables at some point in their lives usually ends up being a good tipper. The same is true for me. I have no trouble leaving generous tips because I know too well the low hourly wage of waitstaff. I actually enjoy big tipping. Other Christians, however, seem to have trouble letting go of the extra dollar or two that would make for a decent gratuity.

ThinkChristian blog has a good read on Christians and tipping, responding to a hyperbolic (but true) statement about legendary Christian cheapskatedness.

I recently encountered [a] blog post by Christian psychologist Richard Beck. He writes, provocatively, "The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth." He admits that he exaggerates, but I agree with him that he has a point.

Though I’ve never been a restaurant server, I’ve seen this complaint before: the after-church crowd are rude, demanding and stingy. Ever since I heard about this, I’ve become more conscious of the way I treat service workers. My sense of Sabbath makes me feel a little guilty about eating out on Sundays at all, but I’ll admit I do it anyway, sometimes in large groups. These large group, split the check situations are notorious for tipping problems, it’s complicated math, you think maybe somebody else will make up for you if you short the bill a little.

I'll bet if you listen closely, you can hear the whisper of a collective groan every Sunday afternoon rising from restaurants across America saying, "the after-church crowd." So before you head off to the Golden Corral remember the Golden Rule: "Do to others what you would have them do to you." And as for tipping, I won't go into Scripture on this subject. There really isn't any. It's just that God is so generous to us. And that makes me want to be generous too.