That's the title of a recent Yahoo! Finance article by Laura Rowley.
In it, Rowley reports on the findings of an American Express survey which found that
Young professional couples are more likely to keep their financial lives separate -- and are also more likely to fight, practice financial infidelity and have financial regrets.
Young professionals (identified in the study as those under 30, having a college degree and earning a minimum combined salary of $50,000) may think that keeping their finances separate will lead to less fighting and, possibly, less divorce. But, Rowley writes,
Ginita Wall, CPA and financial planner in San Diego specializing in divorce, says she's not surprised by the findings. "You would think if their finances were separate, couples wouldn't fight about money, but what happens is they never have an opportunity to talk about mutual goals," says Wall, co-founder of the nonprofit Women's Institute for Financial Education (WIFE.org). "So one of them will set a goal to save for a bigger house while the other may think new golf clubs are more important -- and they are off to the races fighting about money."
And, one author states, having disagreements about money is not always a bad thing:
"A benefit to merging finances is that it forces discussions and even arguments about money," explains Brad Klontz, financial psychologist and co-author of Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health. "Arguments around money should not be avoided as they provide opportunities for growth and increased intimacy. When disagreements are resolved it can actually strengthen a couple's intimacy and financial health. Keeping finances entirely separate enables couples to avoid talking about money altogether. While they may avoid fights, they also miss out on the benefits of challenging their money beliefs and assumptions."
In an article I wrote, "The Two Shall Become One ... Checkbook," I looked at the differing advice to young couples about their finances,
Why are so many secular advisors pro-separate accounts or, at best, neutral, while so many Christian advisors advocate joint accounts?
I then went on to look at the underlying assumptions between many secular advisors and Christian financial advisors on things like what marriage is, what builds trust in a marriage and whether "preparing for divorce" is a financial option. I concluded:
But [all the Christian financial advisors] seem to agree that there is a big difference between taking some money out of "our" account for individual wants and taking money out of "my" account for things a couple shares.
As Crown Ministries writes, "God uses money in the lives of any couple to draw them closer together. In contrast, Satan wants to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. Why? In hopes that the resultant turmoil will drive them away from God."
In my marriage, I can attest that money has drawn us closer together.
It's taken a lot of dedicated time, patience and hash-it-out sessions over the budget to get where we are. I don't know if we're "one" in our finances yet, but I know we've gained more compassion for each other, more discipline over ourselves and grown very much of the same mind with money. And I have to agree with the Christian financial advisors on this one. I don't think we'd be where we are if we had separate accounts.
It saddens me that so many in my generation seem to have divided their finances in marriage and taken a "we know money can cause fights, so we'll just avoid the discussion altogether" approach. Money is a difficult thing to tackle as a couple, but the upside is that conquering it together can also bring incredible unity. And, as this study shows, avoidance can lead to more bad than good.













