My mom is visiting this week from out of state.

While I've owned my townhome for over four years, this is the first time my mom has seen it since I got married in September. As Kevin and I were giving her the tour on Tuesday night, she said, "Wow! I've never seen this place look so good."

I took my husband's arm and replied: "I guess it just needed a man's touch."

We laughed, but the thing is, it's true. For some reason, Kevin has been blessed with a great eye for making a room look put together and homey. I, on the other hand, inherited my mother's more functional approach to living spaces.

This incident reminded me of just one other way God has blessed me through my husband. While the expectation may be that the woman's touch makes the home lovely, God knew that I needed a little help in that area and gave me a partner who nudges me into the home arts by joining me in them and lending his expertise.

And there are also unique areas in which I can bless and serve him — helping him write a killer cover letter and resume for example. I am reminded of the wonderful verse from Ecclesiastes: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work" (4:9). And what each person brings to the table varies by relationship.

What about you? Are there any role reversals in your marriage? How do you complement and serve one another?

Last night Kevin and I put away the Christmas ornaments.

There, I said it.

We put away some of our Christmas stuff in early January, but a nagging plastic bin topped with an array of Kevin's childhood ornaments mocked us from the corner of the livingroom. Last night, we sat down to the task of reboxing those ornaments; it took us about an hour. After that, we sorted our mail, emptied a bag of junk we'd brought in from our car and vacuumed. The end result was a clean, Christmas-decoration-free living room.

Historically, it has been primarily the wife's responsibility to keep the house tidy and make the house a home. I still feel this pressure, though Kevin assures me it's OK that we share the duty since we both work full-time outside the home. Still, we're a couple of busy, social butterflies who struggle to keep up with the housework.

Maybe that's why I felt convicted (while at the same time strangely encouraged) when I read: "From House to Home: The Art of Dwelling Well" by Jenny Schroedel. Her charge to make your home a sacred space got me thinking. Schroedel writes:

Generally speaking, domestication has not come naturally, which may be why Victoria Moran's Shelter for the Spirit captured me. Moran doesn't buy into the retail myth: she believes that making a home is about learning to live faithfully in your space, ordering your environment in a serene and hospitable way. She explores the spiritual dimensions of homemaking, manifest in the concrete, everyday details like cleaning, cooking and entertaining.

Schroedel's advice is practical and specific. Things like working in short cleaning sessions and creating hospitable light. As I discussed the article with Kevin, he affirmed his desire that our home be a place where we can refuel and a place where people feel blessed when they enter. Achieving that kind of home will require that we set aside more hours -- like those spent last night -- to catch up on household tasks. But we discovered an unexpected joy in cleaning together. Not only did we feel a sense of accomplishment at putting away those pesky ornaments, but we also enjoyed the conversation and teamwork of doing the job together. In my opinion, it was an evening well-spent.

How do you make your house feel like a home? Do you prefer to split up the duties or work on tasks together? How do you fit homemaking into a busy schedule?

I was watching the Olympics bobsledding competition the other night and got to wondering, "What exactly are the qualifications for the person/people that sit in the back?"

It looked like the "back seaters" had some awesome calves for the two to four second start, but after that ... what? It appeared (to me, at least) that they just sit in the back, heads tucked, for the entire ride. That the entire race was dependent upon the skill of the driver.

Since I know absolutely nothing about bobsledding, I'm sure I'm wrong. There may, and probably is, much more to the "back of the bobsled" person's job than what I see. But I also got to thinking (because I'm weird that way) about submission.

I think when nonbelievers, and even some believers, hear about biblical passages such as Ephesians 5 or Colossians 3 or 1 Peter 3 where wives are called upon to submit to their husbands they think of my version of bobsledding. The wife is just along for the ride. The husband drives with his head facing forward, not worrying about those in the back as long as they have their heads tucked.

But I've learned after more than a decade of marriage, that submission doesn't really look like that at all. With apologies to those who aren't figure skating fans, I've found submission to be much closer to pairs skating. We're face to face, engaging each other. We're communicating, practicing, perfecting (or, in our case, leaning upon the Lord to perfect us). But there are still definite roles. His is to lead our family. Mine is to support that leadership.

That support may look different in different situations. Sometimes helping. Sometimes advising. Sometimes listening. Sometimes gently challenging. But always affirming that the only way for this dance to work is for us to be intentionally engaging each other and to embrace, rather than fight, our God-given roles. It's not about being in the back seat with no control over where this crazy, out-of-control thing goes. Instead, it's face to face, with (metaphorically) hands clasped and his arm around my waist, mine upon his shoulder.

Someone posted a comment on my blog about leading wanting more help with understanding submission.

If leading is tough, submission is probably tougher. I could write a book on this (actually, I did) because I feel so strongly about the issue and it's so difficult to apply to real-life marriage.

I've learned to understand submission in terms of power, not weakness. God has given women a tremendous amount of power in marriage. A woman can literally destroy her husband with her words and attitudes. Submission, in essence, is God's warning to be careful with how she uses that power and influence.

Guys have very sensitive egos. That's not a criticism, it's a statement. A man's confidence/competence is critical to his functioning in every area. His wife has the power to either build him up or tear him down -- it's her choice.

Think of submission not so much in terms of letting your husband make every decision in your household, but more in terms of your attitude toward him. Do you trust him? Do you believe in him? Are you rooting for him to succeed in life? Will you still be by his side if/when he fails? These are not feelings -- they are choices.

"A wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears hers down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1).

"Once you stop making money, you better start making dinner."

My husband's comment made me smile. It came last night after I'd sweet talked him into taking me out to $.75 taco night at our favorite Mexican food restaurant ... eating out for the third time this week.

As we headed out the door, I said: "I'm sorry I'm not good at getting dinner on the table. But I'm good at making money!"

Then his lighthearted response: "OK, but once you stop making money, you better start making dinner." We both laughed.

I have to be honest, three months into marriage I'm struggling with my new meal planning and preparing responsibilities. Kevin is gracious and great at sharing the responsibility. If he has the day off, he generally plans our dinner. But after almost 10 years of coming home from work and eating a bowl of cereal or a can of soup for dinner (or eating out), I'm finding this whole dinner planning thing tricky. (My mom always warned me this would happen.)

Kevin's comment reminded me that right now we're in a particular season. We both work—both contribute to the family finances—and share household duties. In a different season, contributions will shift. Perhaps Kevin will contribute more in the way of financial provision and I will do more in the home. But I think the spirit of cooperation should remain. This idea of, "What has God equipped me to do for the family today? How can I bless my spouse?"

And when we can't do everything expected of us or everything we had hoped? Grace. And a $5 taco dinner.

P.S. Any great meal planning ideas for working wives?

When you hear that term, what comes to mind?

A couple of days ago I was flipping through some old copies of my grad school alumni magazine. They featured current and former students who'd done well, who had gone on to write books, make waves in government, take on pastorates, receive teaching awards, produce prize-winning films, head up inner city missions, and so on.

And that was just the women.

The message is that "successful women," those whom we should honor for their leadership skills, are those who influence people on a large scale. The more people affected by the alumna, the more successful.

But what about those women who went on to influence a small group of people, and more deeply? What about those women who, with master's degrees in hand, chose to forgo acclaim and take on the humble responsibility of being mere mothers? Who exchanged the temporal significance of a sterile board room for the eternal significance of the family room?

It's enough that my alumni magazine promotes women pastors, a vocation with no biblical precedence. But by remaining silent about the influential role of full-time mother, they imply that such women may not be counted among the "successful."

I know it's a cliche, but perhaps it is so because it's so true: In their last moments, women will likely not regret having spent so few hours working for The Man. They'll regret not having spent as much time as they could with the ones they love. In the case of married women, that's likely to include their children.

It's fine to recognize the success of women outside the home. Let's also recognize the too-overlooked success of those who, as the saying goes, rock the cradle.

This week's Time magazine cover explores how the roles of women have changed over the last generation. A woman working outside of the home (even after she has children) is now the norm. In fact, Time reports that in almost 40% of marriages, the wife is the primary wage earner.

This trend trickles down into many areas of marriage and parenting. But what I want to blog about today is that even with all of the opportunity, women are more unhappy (and far more stressed) today than they were in their parents' generation. I can relate. The balancing act of family and work takes its toll. There are many things I can ask my mom about, but not this. She was a full-time homemaker. How do I walk with integrity as a Christian woman, using my gifts in ministry, while still keeping my marriage and kids #1?

As a young married couple, you are setting patterns in your home that will constantly need to be tweaked and revisited, without the benefit of "doing it the way your parents did it." As you navigate through these decisions, here are a few tips I've learned along the way.

Although roles and opportunities have changed, a man and woman's basic needs in marriage have not. A husband still needs to feel like the protector and provider of the family and still needs to be respected as the leader of the home. If his wife is knocking the cover off the ball at work, his need for respect hasn't changed. While cheering for her, he may also feel threatened by her.

Likewise, a wife still needs to feel protected and valued in her marriage. She will not ultimately be happy with success at work if her primary relationships are failing. Although at first she might be grateful for the opportunity to pursue her career, eventually she will feel resentful if she must carry both burdens of the home and the financial health of the family.

In our marriage, we have had to constantly battle the temptation to work against God's design. Even if it would make financial sense for me to work full-time and for Mike's job to take second-fiddle, we've decided not to go that route because of the stress that would put on our relationship.

In your marriage, you might have to make some decisions that go against the grain. As you approach decisions about whose job takes priority and how to balance work/home responsibilities, begin with Biblical principles (like the husband is the head of the wife). Then be honest about your basic personal needs (like the husband needs to feel competent and respected). Finally, work out the details of how to make it happen.

Unfortunately, most young couples make decisions about work and finances based on "what makes sense" instead of looking at the facts through biblical and psychological truths. How you work out the roles in your marriage will change over time -- be flexible. But never compromise on time-tested principles.