
I've been hearing a lot of talk lately about how the younger generation, mostly Millennials, strive for happiness in many areas of their life. They want to be happy in their jobs, their friendships, their families and yes, their marriages. Many see this desire for happiness as a self-absorbed, self-serving outlook, a view that focuses on oneself rather than others.
Authors such as Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage challenge readers to understand that marriage is meant in large part to make us holy, rather than simply to make us happy. In his second chapter, Thomas writes about the value of reconciliation in marriage; when couples "stick it out" and stay together through the hard times, God uses their marriage as a kind of evangelism.
My husband and I have been married for a whole four months, and while we have run into challenges, I have not yet experienced the need to "stick it out" in my marriage. I've actually been very happy over these past few months. Which has me wondering: How can I become holy if I'm actually very happy?
I've found myself feeling guilty at times, almost in the sense that if I am happy -- and if I seek to be happy in my marriage -- that I am somehow being selfish. That in some way, if I'm happy, I lack "marriage testimonies" that are a witness to God's greatness. I wondered if God could use a young marriage to reflect Him, one with fewer challenges, in the same way He uses the marriages that have endured more hardship.
I recently picked up the book Happiness Is a Serious Problem by Dennis Prager, where he writes,
Happiness is not a selfish or frivolous concern; it is as deep and worthy a subject as good and evil. Human beings want to be happy, and they have a right to want to be. Far from being a selfish or ignoble goal, this is one of the distinguishing features of human beings.
This definitely caught my attention. Maybe God created us with the desire to be happy, I thought. So I bought the book. Prager continues to write that happiness is more than just a personal concern; it's actually a moral obligation:
We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness....
I once asked a deeply religious man if he considered himself a truly pious person. He responded that while he aspired to be one, he felt that he fell short in two areas. One of those areas, he said, was his not being a happy enough person to be considered truly pious.
His point was that unhappy religious people reflect poorly on their religion and their Creator. He was right; in fact, unhappy religious people pose a real challenge to faith. If their faith is so impressive, why aren't these devoted adherents happy? There are only two possible reasons: either they are not practicing their faith correctly, or they are practicing their faith correctly and the religion itself is not conducive to happiness. Most outsiders assumer the latter reason. Unhappy religious people should therefore think about how important being happy is -- if not for themselves, then for the sake of their religion. Unhappy, let alone angry, religious people provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secularism than do all the arguments of atheists.
This is encouraging to me; while I may not have the testimony of big trials in marriage at this time, my happiness can still be used as a testimony to God's glory. I don't have to be 10 years into my marriage, and have "stories to tell"; God can use me where I am right now, in my happiness, just as He uses reconciliation and forgiveness, to honor Him and reflect His goodness and mercy.