It happened again. I just found out that a couple I really respected got divorced ... just shy of a decade after marriage. Something about this kind of news has the tendency to produce panic in me. I am too aware of my own sin and weakness, and I think, If it happened to them ...

As I was grappling with this discouragement yesterday, God reminded me of His words — God has not given you a spirit of fear. This verse, 2 Timothy 1:7, says the following in the NIV: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." In pondering this verse, something occurred to me. God asks us to be on the offense in our lives, including our marriages. Defense would say, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to stand my ground against whatever Satan throws at my marriage." But in the 2 Timothy verse, Paul is advocating action ... true boldness. This would suggest that we should be on the offense for the sake of our marriages instead of waiting for trouble to come to them. Consider the three replacements for fear.

Power. We are not on our own when it comes to marital stress and strife. God's Spirit provides us with supernatural power to overcome. Romans 8:37 encourages: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Divorce is not inevitable for the Christian; God makes His power—the power that raised Jesus from the dead—available to His children. Even the most hopeless of circumstances can be redeemed and repaired through this incredible power.

Love. Instead of fearing what might happen to my marriage, I need to practice love. To do this, I look for every way possible to first love God and then love my husband. 1John 4:18 says: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." As I'm walking with the Lord and loving Him, I need not fear punishment—that the beautiful thing he has done in my life will suddenly crumble. That is not His way. And Satan would like to intimidate me with that fear.

Self-Discipline. This concept is translated in some versions as "a sound mind." This goes back to being on the offense. I do not need to be a slave to emotions or fleshly desires that might threaten my marriage. God has given me tools to overcome. One of those is self-discipline. Are you giving Satan a foothold to distract you from truth because you are too busy to spend time with God in His Word each day? Are bad habits and addictions tearing apart your relationship? This does not need to be. God offers us the ability to exercise self-discipline, to take the steps to protect our marriages. This may require strict accountability and a commitment to truth over feelings, but the payoff is well worth the effort. A few years ago, a male co-worker of mine would ask his female administrative assistant to look through all his graphic design mail and discard anything containing inappropriate images. My friend, the assistant, always admired this man's commitment to his marriage demonstrated through this small act of self-discipline.

Yesterday, I needed to hear this truth from the Lord. Just because people I admire and respect have suffered the pain and loss of a broken marriage, does not mean this has to be my fate. I don't have to wait in fear for my God-ordained romance to fall apart. Sure, Satan will want to pull it apart to detract from God's glory, but my loving Father offers me another way. Not a cowering, on-the-offense fear, but a godly charge of power, love and a sound mind. What a refreshing truth.

No, my husband does not have a personal hygeine problem. In this picture he's dressed up for a skit he performed in at our church's Vacation Bible School this past summer. Working with kids is one of the things he and I have enjoyed doing together; drama is another.

Before I was married I heard a debate about married life. Some married couples claimed that it was OK if partners had very few shared interests and activities (she loves to cook; he loves to run); others claimed that common interests were necessary for a thriving marriage. From my admittedly limited perspective, I think the answer may be somewhere in between.

I love to write, read, blog and communicate by posting multiple comments on my friends' Facebook pages; Kevin does not. He enjoys working on cars, offroading and hunting — things I couldn't care less about. However, despite our varying interests, there are a lot of things we enjoy doing together. Watching movies, meeting friends for coffee, taking in an occasional stage show, playing the Wii, going for drives and teaching kids.

Recently, I heard a married man in his 60s talk about the importance of couples developing shared interests. He mentioned how doing lots of things together naturally protects couples from inadvertantly developing dangerous extramarital relationships. Some affairs develop when a husband or wife spends a majority of his or her time with people other than his or her spouse. Building in shared activities provides a natural safeguard against infidelity.

With this in mind, Kevin and I are being intentional about nurturing our shared interests. Because he had the right skill set, he was able to join my improv comedy troupe. We also signed up as a couple to work with the children at our church. Beyond that, we've made plans to start running together, a form of exercise we are both capable of enjoying.

Kevin and I will always have some separate interests and hobbies. It would probably be unhealthy for us to spend every waking moment together doing the exact same activities. However, couples should be intentional about identifying shared interests that will allow them to spend large quantities of time together. For my parents it's taking Sunday afternoon drives. For my coworker it's running marathons with her husband. For my college roommate it's going on camping trips as a family.

What shared activities have you been able to develop with your spouse?

I'm not marrying my niece; I am officiating her wedding.

Five of my 11 nieces are married, and she'll be the third for whom I've performed the ceremony. It has been one of the thrills of my life to get to walk with family members through the process of marriage preparation and escort them through the doors from singlehood to couplehood.

What's interesting is that my advice and counseling keeps morphing a little more each time I sit down with a new couple as my own experience in marriage matures. Naturally, so much of what I'll say will sort of slip in one ear and out the other, as these two high school sweethearts (soon to be college graduates) can't imagine ever having any major relationship problems (as most of us couldn't imagine). But they also have no clue of the incredible bliss that awaits as they lock arms in the valleys so they can soar together higher than they've ever dreamed.

So here I am again thinking about boiling down some advice so as not to overwhelm them. So I'm going to ask you to help. Give me your best marriage book and your ONE piece of advice, and I'll pass it along. Also, who gave you your best marriage advice?

Yes, weddings are deadly. At least, for me, mine was.

Having been single for 36 years before finally getting married, I was concerned that I wouldn't make the transition well. I was concerned that many of the patterns and habits I picked up during my single years would be so ingrained that I'd continue them into my marriage, to the detriment of that marriage.

"Habits" were a big part of who I was, pre-marriage. Habits like staying up late working on my audio or Web site projects, taking naps whenever I felt like it, eating whenever (and whatever) I wanted, spending money impulsively on new musical or computer equipment, enjoying flirt-tinged conversations with single women, hanging out late with my buddies after worship band practice, arriving at work late and staying at the office late, and so on.

The way I prepared for married life was by telling myself, and my bride-to-be, that our wedding day marked the death of the single Ted. On Dec. 21, 2002, the single Ted would be no longer. He would be dead. And from the ashes of singleness would arise something new, a creature of one flesh made from two.

The truth is that it has taken years to shed some of my most self-centered habits, but I do think it was helpful to begin the process by having a specific time in mind when I would intend that those habits would no longer be what characterized me.

The single Ted is long dead. And the happily married Ted doesn't miss him.