Yesterday I noticed a humorous Facebook post from a friend. It said: "What Valentine's Day looks like after 46 years of marriage — my mom made a heart-shaped meatloaf covered with ketchup for lunch (or 'dinner' as they say on the farm in Iowa). Nice, if you like meatloaf (which my dad does)."

I recently heard of another couple who had been married for nearly five decades. "I feel loved by my wife," the man said, "because she brings me a cup of coffee every morning."

Wow. As a newlywed, I often think in terms of the big gestures when it comes to loving my husband — things like affirming conversations and celebrations. I don't always think about the small things that might make him feel cared for. I know for me, I feel loved when Kevin lets me park my car in our driveway (while he parks in a spot on the other side of our townhome complex). I feel cared for when he sends me an "I love you" text message during his morning break. And I even feel loved when he brings home my favorite latte. (He works at a coffee shop.)

Two weekends ago, I had to wake up hours before church on a Sunday morning to finish a freelance project. Though Kevin could have kept sleeping, he stumbled downstairs a few minutes later and made me pancakes. That is love.

What are the little things that you and your spouse do for each other? How do these "love habits" build your relationship?

Kevin and I recently shared a new experience — selecting cell phones. My position on a new phone is that choosing it is ultimately an inconvenience, because I'm used to my old phone. A new phone means I have to relearn where everything is and adjust to annoying new features. Before you think I sound old and out of touch, you should know that I have access to a computer and the Internet pretty much 24/7, so I don't use my phone for anything other than making calls and sending text messages.

When I go to get a new phone, I request something that is "most like" my old phone. This is usually a basic model that I end up getting for free. Kevin, on the other hand, loves new technology. He also has less daily computer access than I do, so he depends on his phone for e-mail. The upshot? He wanted a fancy phone (Droid, anyone?). Although, choosing our new phones went off without a hitch, I discovered something: Kevin places a much higher value on having the latest technology — even at a high cost — than I do. I'm satisfied with practical electronics; he wants cutting edge.

This made me think of my brother who is a worship pastor at a small church. He has an iPhone. He and his family scrimp and save in other areas so that he can have a super-cool phone (which he utilizes to the max). In addition, he uses the budget he controls to invest in high quality equipment to run his service with excellence. His choices to purchase what he considers essential new technology have occasionally come under scrutiny. "But I need these things to run a quality service," he says.

What about you? Do you and your spouse have different levels of appreciation for the newest gadgets? Do you think a case can be made for spending more at times to possess the latest technology? Apple is the perfect example of people paying more for gadgets that are cutting-edge, quality and just downright cool (in my opinion). And that's our generation. But I can see how technical differences could lead to technical difficulties. At this point I'm content to let Kevin enjoy the latest technology — even if my boring, old phone drops less calls.

So I woke up late last night, half-way, and sensed something frightening to the side of the bed. Looking over, kinda, I saw two short, stocky creatures, like some scary dwarves you might see on Syfy. Of course, I found myself in a state of sleep paralysis, so all I could do was lay there in fear. Finally, I was able to squeak a sound out of my mouth, which helped me snap out of semi-consciousness and made the apparitions dissipate. It may sound anti-climactic, but I was able to roll over and fall back asleep pretty easily.

That got me thinking, though: What if there are spiritual beings bent on disrupting my life, specifically my marriage? If that's the case (and Scripture does reinforce the idea that evil spirits exist and want to do me harm), then what am I able to do about them? Maybe I can immerse myself more in God's Word. Maybe I can try harder to avoid the sins that seem to welcome these things. And maybe I can pray to the Lord for protection, and maybe even address these spirits directly in Jesus' name.

In his preface to The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis wrote:

There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight.

I agree. Thinking too much about dark spirits is not good. At the same time, it's not good to dismiss the reality of their existence.

So for the sake of my family, I'll continue working on improving communication with my wife. I'll listen to Focus on the Family and read things that'll help my marriage. I'll try to take better care of my health. But I'll also pray the Lord's spiritual protection over my household -- since we're not hindered merely by wrong ideas and physical barriers, but by evil spirits as well.

My husband and I love children's ministry. It's one of the things the first drew us together. In fact, it was the wordless book bracelet I was wearing -- a children's ministry tool -- that caught my husband's interest and caused him to strike up a conversation with me at Starbucks. Both of us have taught children since we were teenagers. So when we were offered the opportunity to teach the fifth and sixth grade Sunday school class at our church this past Sunday, we were excited about the opportunity.

As we set to work developing the lessons, planning how we would deliver it and assigning duties, unexpected frustrations began to crop up. I like to envision point B, the finished product -- in all its excellence and glory -- and then carefully plan every step to get there. Kevin prefers to take in the teaching material in a more comprehensive manner and then formulate point B on the spot. But we were unaware of this big style difference going into the project.

And so it happened that I ended up in tears on Sunday morning as the friction of our varying styles ignited. There was a trench coat (for our dectective skit) that needed to be ironed at the very last moment, and we were rushing out of the house to print out the needed small group leader guides. I felt out of control because so many details were yet unfinalized, and my husband, who thrives on creating in the last moment, couldn't understand my angst.

On the way to church, after we had planned enough to pull me out of panic mode, we talked about what an odd "problem" we had. Both of us are gifted teachers, and yet we achieve the same end through very different means. And once the two styles adjust to one another, they are very complementary. Kevin has a talent for the impromptu that I lack, and my interest in a well-planned message and delivery only stengthens the finished product.

At first blush, our personality differences were a problem, but upon closer inspection, we see that they actually make us a great team.

Kevin apologized for unwittingly causing me to panic and said, "I want to set you up for success." And that is the basis of true cooperation -- setting one another up to succeed. How do personality differences between you and your spouse strengthen what you can do together? What ways have you found to work together?

I remember a scene from several years ago when I was visiting my parents over the Christmas holiday. We were all talking as mom was preparing a meal. She began recounting an experience she and Dad had recently had at her school's Christmas party (she's a teacher). "Your dad jumped in there and started talking to people and making everybody laugh," she said. "He's just so good with people!"

At that moment, I glanced over at my father and saw the most beautiful look of pride and satisfaction on his face. His wife had just bragged on him ... in public ... to his own family.

I once heard that it is a good parenting technique to praise a child in public and correct him in private. This demonstrates respect for the child and builds his self-confidence in the presence of others. These ideas take root, too. As a teenager, I often overheard my mom telling others that I was so good with children ... that they were attracted to me like a magnet. Today I am heavily involved in children's ministry.

I think public praise is a good idea for husbands and wives, too. A mentor used to quote Proverbs 27:2: "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips." He made the point that we should be generous with our praise and not hold back because much true encouragement flows from public praise.

And what better person to receive praise from than your husband or wife -- the person who knows you best. Last week, we picked up a copy of a book I wrote (my first one) at the Christian bookstore. My husband couldn't help but tell the salesperson that I wrote the book. Though I was slightly embarrassed by the attention, it felt so good to have my husband praise me.

Like Proverbs 31:28 says: "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." We often focus on being praiseworthy, but the praiser also possesses great power.

It can be hard to believe the best in marriage.

Here's a scene that's happened more than once for me:

My wife, Candice, has gone out for a social function. The clock creeps past the time she said she'd probably be home. I call her to see if she's okay. No answer.

I start to worry. I'm thinking, "What happened? Was she in an accident?"
 
Then I start to wonder, "Is she really okay, but ignoring my calls because she wants to be out late and doesn't mind making me worry?"

This line of thinking can give me a pretty sick feeling in my stomach.

A few minutes later, I hear the garage door open and Candice comes in. She says she's sorry but she had phone problems and she wasn't able to call about the delay she ran into.

Everything's okay. I was anxious for nothing. I should have believed the best, but I didn't. Something in me wanted to assume the worst.

That temptation can come up a lot -- over budget issues, housecleaning, birthdays, calendar decisions, whether the toilet lid is left up or down, you name it. On a regular basis, we get the opportunity to assume the worst about each other or to believe the best.

You might think that believing the best is a trait for naive optimists who end up being taken advantage of, but I've heard from friends in the marriage research world that it's one of the secrets of successful couples.

They link it to that old proverb: go into finding your spouse with your eyes wide open and then live out your marriage with your eyes half shut. In other words, be discerning enough to marry a person of good character, but then give them the benefit of the doubt as you live out your lives as fallen people in need of grace.

What anxiety could you avoid, what needless fights could you skip, what relational growth could you cultivate by believing the best?

When Brian and I were dating I don't think we wrote each other a single "love letter." But since we've been married it's something really we've grown into.

I say it's something we've "grown into" meaning we aren't pros at this love letter thing. Like most things in our new marriage we're getting better with practice. Sometimes my letters are simply expressing my support as Brian goes into a challenging week, letting him know that I'm on his side. Sometimes Brian's letters are just acknowledging the mundane ways I serve him like packing his lunch and keeping up with our laundry.

Other times our letters are a little more like something out of the Song of Songs. On the morning of our two-month anniversary I opened my Bible and found a lengthy letter from Brian affirming his committed and covenantal love for me. I sobbed for half an hour and ended up being late to work. Not all of Brian's letters bring me to tears, but they do reorient me toward passionate, committed love for my husband.

I know a couple that every time I go to their house there's a collection of post-it notes on the cabinet above their coffee pot. One time when I was making coffee at their place, I started to read one. It began "Dear Lover ..." and being quick on the uptake I knew it was a love note and promptly stopped reading. After countless visits to their kitchen, I've still never read one of those post-its but I'm always encouraged that even in the busiest season of family life this couple intentionally cultivates romance.

Writing love letters has deepened our affection and appreciation for one another in ways I wouldn't have expected. And whether I'm getting a letter from Brian or he's giving me one, it serves as a reminder of the gift that I have in my spouse and in the ministry of marriage.

Yesterday the office was closed for a snow storm and my husband had the day off, so we took the opportunity to work on our budget.

We created a budget a month ago, shortly after we returned from our honeymoon. But yesterday was the moment of truth to add up all our expenses for the month and see how we'd done. I was horrified to see we'd gone over budget by several hundred dollars in more than one category. As a single, I had a lot of discretionary income. I kept a budget but had little trouble staying within it. Not the case with our new combined financial plan.

After spending hours drudging through our online statements and recording and adding up every single expense from the past month, I can see why finances can become a stress point for couples. My husband sees that I spent $15 going to lunch with a girlfriend -- four times -- and $25 on my nails, and I see that he buys a morning snack each day. It could be easy to blame one another for blowing the budget. Thankfully, we went into our budget planning with lots of grace,  realizing it might take some time to break ourselves of our single spending habits.

And so yesterday was a good bonding time as we drank hot cocoa and strategized for where we might scrimp and save money and where we needed to increase our budget. We dreamed about the missionaries we would give to, how we would find money for Christmas gifts and get that new couch paid off. Though our first budget month wasn't exactly a stunning success, we forgave, made adjustments and recommitted to our plans to be debt free and live within our means. It ended up being three hours well-spent.