
I've always loved to read and would read anything I could get my hands on ... which included my parents' marriage books when I was 13 (we'd moved overseas, and I hadn't made friends yet). I figured I wanted to marry eventually. Why not get a head start on marriage principles?
I didn't get married until later in my 20s but found that most of the principles in marriage books from years past were really helpful. So when the Focus on the Family broadcast touted a particular new book for wives, I started reading to see what I could do better for my husband.
And that's when the trouble started.
Within two days of reading (and implementing) the information in this marriage book, my husband wanted to talk about how I was acting. The conversation went something like this:
Him: "What exactly are you doing?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Him: "You're acting all ... weird. What's going on?"
Me: "Oh, I read this marriage book and learned what husbands do and don't like and how women can be better wives. So I'm just putting those into practice so we can have a better marriage."
Him: "What exactly did this book tell you?"
Me: "To not tell you all the details of every moment of my day, that you want me to dress really well, that you want me to be a certain weight range. Stuff like that."
Him: "Is that why you aren't talking to me, are wearing makeup and work clothes, and aren't eating normal food?"
This is when I discovered that when the book said "most men," they weren't talking about my husband. Jeremy thought I looked sexiest in no makeup when wearing a T-shirt and jeans. He liked hearing about all the mundane details of my day. And he really, truly is attracted to larger women. (Seriously.)
We went through a similar drill recently when I read another marriage book, though this time I was smart enough to ask him first about ideas I read before I put them to practice (none of them applied to him or us).
That's when I realized that while marriage books and seminars and broadcasts have good big-picture ideas, it's far more important for me to be a student of my husband than a student of marriage principles. Makes me wonder how often I've missed great conversation opportunities because I consulted a book before Jeremy. As a result, I've changed my marriage-development plans from seeking expert advice to asking my husband how I can be a better wife to him.
What about you? Have you read or received marriage advice that didn't apply to you and your spouse?