We visited my husband's family over Christmas break (yes, I've been out of school for years but still think in terms of school calendars). While we were at church Sunday morning, I chatted with folks I hadn't seen in over a year and met a few new people. For some reason, I was extremely aware of conclusions I was drawing about these people and about the other congregants they spoke of. And as I chatted, I suddenly wondered, If Jesus were to show up today as Messiah — that first time around after people had waited centuries upon centuries for His appearance — would I see Him as a fraud?

I got to wondering what ideas I have about Jesus that I'd expect Him to fulfill. I know I've sat in smug satisfaction in the past, wondering self-righteously how the Jewish people could have overlooked Jesus as Messiah because of all the prophecies He fulfilled. It seems so obvious!

But even looking at Isaiah more closely, some of what the Jews expected (a political leader who would overthrow the Roman government) seems to be specific criteria for Messiah:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. (Isaiah 9:6-7)

That seems pretty specific. And I imagine many Jewish believers looked disapprovingly on the "weak" ones who "fell for Jesus" and believed Him to be Messiah. If Messiah hadn't already come and I'd known that this passage is a prophecy for Messiah, I'd have been looking at Jesus to see Him take political power.

But He didn't.

So what preconceived notions do I have of Christ that I'd want Him to fulfill? In the past, I'd have said He had to be nice, since Christians are supposed to be nice. But it doesn't sound very "nice" to compare a woman to her face to a dog (Matthew 15:21-28). I know better now ... but do I? I've had plenty of unbiblical expectations about God and His church. What do I believe about Jesus right now that isn't true? And how does that hinder fullness in my relationship with Him? Even more, how do I find those faulty ideas and remove them?

For now, I've started looking at the points in my life where I've felt that God has disappointed me. It's an eye-opening exercise, and I'll blog about some of this in the time ahead. What preconceived notions have you had about God, either past or present? How have they hindered a closer relationship with Christ? And for you, which ideas are the hardest to get past in order to see Jesus for who He really is?

My dad once told me that learning to manage your expectations of others (and others' expectations of you) is what makes life, well, manageable. I've found, however, that I have expectations about life that don't seem unreasonable; they're just not God's plans.

For instance, I expected to marry and start a family right out of college (I didn't marry until I was 27). I expected to be able to stay home with any kids we had (hasn't happened and likely won't). I expected to bear a lot of children (we miscarried multiple times before I was able to carry a pregnancy to term — and then had complications post-delivery that prevented further pregnancies).

None of these expectations were particularly wrong, but they haven't been what God has had in store for me. And, honestly, that's been disappointing for me. I've learned to throw out certain expectations and go with whatever God has in store for me, but I find I still carry certain expectations about life around. Which is why I find the story of Jesus' birth and early years comforting.

I always imagined Mary was patient and easy-going and trusting about the whole giving-birth-to-the-Messiah thing. Personally, I'm a planner, and I consider every contingency when going into a new stage of life. I never felt like I related to Mary. But this year during one of our Advent readings, I realized that Mary's first response to the news from the angel was "How?" That is the question of a planner.

I've spent the past few days wondering how things were for Mary, particularly if she were a planner. I've thought about her worry about being pregnant as an unmarried woman (punishable by stoning to death), her preparations for a birth with the midwife (only to find out she and Joseph would travel to Bethlehem around her due date), her frustration about not having any accomodations when she was in labor (because if there had been an available midwife in Bethlehem, you know she would have had Mary give birth in her home instead of a stable). Did she feel that God had forgotten her, giving her the job of birthing His son but failing to provide a proper place to do so? Was she frustrated that the hours following the birth brought a visit from a group of children (since shepherd responsibilities were often given to the youngest child in the family) when she probably just wanted to get some sleep?

Even Joseph had expectations to manage. After escaping with Mary and Jesus to Egypt and waiting out Herod's death, he planned to move back to Israel. Matthew 2:22-23 says, "But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning in Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth" (emphasis mine). What plans had he had for his new family that were unrealized? What expectations did he have for his family and his life that were thwarted by the new king?

Managing expectations and dealing with the disappointment of unmet expectations is something I'll spend my whole life doing — in my marriage, with extended family relationships, at work, in church. I pray that I have the courage and faith to follow God's path wherever it leads, especially when things don't work out the way I plan.