Last weekend, Mike and I took the boys skiing in Breckenridge. The first run of the day, we all five went up the same lift. At the top of the mountain, I asked Mike what run he thought we should go down. He said that he didn't care -- he would just follow me.

Off we went. I chose a blue run that had some mogels. Two of my kids love mogels. Halfway down the run, Mike and one of my sons (who are both learning to snowboard) had taken more than a few spills. They branched off to a different way down.

At the bottom of the mountain, Mike challenged my choice, "Why would you start out the day with mogels? We weren't even warmed up!" I responded, "You told me to pick the way down. Don't criticize my choice! Next time, you pick the route."

It got me thinking about all of the times I have done this to Mike. I ask him to lead spiritually, financially, in parenting, but then I critique and blast him for the choices he made. It's no fun to lead when you know you're going to catch heat if you make the wrong choice.

Perhaps that is why so many guys are leery of taking a leadership role in the marriage. The times they've tried, their wives have been right there, armchair quarterbacking. Eventually, he just throws his arms up in the air and says, "I'm done. You lead!"

I'd challenge you to have a conversation about this with your spouse. Wives, ask your husband if he's ever felt like I did at the bottom of that hill. Husbands, share with your wife what she can do to make leading feel safer than it does today!

While the rest of the world prepares to celebrate Christmas, you and your spouse may be locking horns over how to celebrate the big event. If there are issues in your marriage surrounding controlling or manipulative in-laws, the Christmas season is bound to bring those out.

You and your spouse grew up with Christmas family traditions. Those traditions represent your heritage and cohesion in your family of origin. Missing Christmas (or even missing some goofy tradition around Christmas) can spark fear in parents who are still wrestling through what it means to let you go. Add to that tension the longing and desire to start your own family traditions and you've got everything except peace on earth. In fact, it may feel like all out war as you prepare to celebrate the Prince of Peace.

If planning for Christmas has ignited emotional issues in your marriage and families, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Although what you are fighting over seems like a minor issue (like whether you will go to Christmas Eve service with your in-laws), it represents HUGE emotional issues (like whether my baby is still part of my family, or whether my spouse will choose me over his mother).

• Leaving and cleaving is a process. Just because you capitulate and agree to spend Christmas with your in-laws this year doesn't mean that you will be stuck doing so for the rest of your married life. Your own traditions will build over time. It also takes time for your parents to accept that you have your own family now. Don't feel like you have to establish all of the boundaries now. Give everyone time to adjust to their new roles.

• Stake out at least one area of the holidays that is just yours. Perhaps you will choose to spend Christmas Eve with just you and your spouse and spend Christmas Day with extended family. Or maybe you want to be with family over Christmas, but you throw a New Year's Eve party for your friends. Doing so fosters your identity as a new family, helps you think about building new traditions, and gently sets boundaries with your families.

Finally, keep it all in perspective. Christmas is the most obvious time of year to extend grace to others, to share the love of Christ, and to honor the heritages from which you both come.

After reading Suzanne's "taco" post, I just chuckled. I don't think anything caused more tension in my first year of marriage than dinner. When we got married, I was practically a vegetarian (a little obsessive) and Mike was a burger and milkshake type guy. Add to that combination the fact that I really didn't have a clue how to cook, and you can imagine that stress and tears were a frequent event around the topic of dinner. Here are some tips that have helped us make it through and find peace:

• Find out what works for you and what is important for your husband. Mike is a pretty simple eater. He's thrilled (even to this day) if I make grilled cheese and canned tomato soup (we had it last night, as a matter of fact) or bfd (breakfast for dinner). He'd much rather have a simple dinner to his liking than a gourmet feast that he has to pretend to like. Get over preconceived ideas that the more time you spend cooking, the better wife you are. Lowering expectations will keep you eating in a lot more. It actually takes longer to go out (or pick up food) than it does to make eggs, bacon and a smoothie.

• Have emergency meals in the freezer. There are going to be those days where finding food is the last thing you want to think about at 5:30 p.m. Emergency meals are what you pull out on those days. I always have frozen spaghetti sauce or frozen chili in the freezer for such a time as this. Just make extra and freeze it when you actually have the time and energy to cook.

• Cut yourself some slack. There are seasons of life (and marriage) where you just can't find the energy to run to the grocery store or cook. If you budget for that, don't feel guilty going out or picking something up. When you cook for two, picking up a couple of subs or tacos might even be cheaper than cooking.(That, of course, will change with kids - especially boys!)

• Get a crockpot and crockpot recipes. I have about 10 recipes where I throw everything in the crockpot in the morning (takes 10 minutes) and dinner is ready when I get home. One, for example, throw a pork tenderloin in with some bbq sauce. When you get home, pull apart the meet with a fork and you have awesome bbq pork sandwiches.(Yeah, I'm not a vegetarian anymore).

• Finally, focus on what really matters. Food is important because of nutrition. Dinner is important to relationship. As long as you are eating healthy, staying within your budget and making meal time with your husband a priority, don't sweat it and don't compare your situation to what other families are doing.

This morning I went on a hike at the Garden of the Gods. If you've been to Colorado Springs, you know how gorgeous the scenery is. Everywhere you look are spectacular views.

However, as I hiked, I noticed that most of the time my eyes were on the hiking trail, looking for loose rocks that I might trip over or any sign of a snake (which I hate!). At other times during the hike, I was concentrating on following the right trail. There are several little bunny trails that can easily get you lost.

At one point, it struck me that here I am in this beautiful park with breath-taking views, and my eyes are right in front of me, completely missing the splendor of my surroundings. So, I got out my iPhone and took a few pictures -- savoring the sights and colors.

How often does this happen in marriage? We can be in the middle of this beautiful season of life, but we're so focused on potential dangers and missteps that we forget to enjoy the views.

The first few years of marriage are precious. You have the freedom and energy to enjoy each other fully. Everything is new and exciting. You can dream, plan and grow together. Yet, in many young marriages, squabbles and worries can distract you from enjoying the beauty of your surroundings. Let me encourage you to take a moment to look around and savor it!

The first year or so of marriage can be filled with spats and squabbles over who does the dishes and even what kind of dish soap to buy.

In our first few months of marriage, Mike and I fought mostly about money (I'd get upset if he bought a $12 CD without discussing it with me), housework (I felt like I did all of it) and food (he liked burgers and fries while I cooked vegetarian -- and not very well, I might add).

If you're not engaging in conflict over similar issues, I'd be surprised, and possibly concerned. Marriage is the blending of two lives together. Undoubtably, you have different views and opinions on a variety of issues related to how to live life. Don't be afraid to wrestle those through.

One thing that makes fighting confusing, and even scary, is that often we don't know what we are fighting about. What started as a silly argument about whether or not to go out to eat can quickly turn into a knock-down, drag out brawl. The first and often most difficult step to a good fight is to define what you are fighting about. There are three types of conflicts in marriage:

1. External (we disagree about what kind of toothpaste to buy)
2. Relational (you hurt my feelings)
3. Dynamic (there is something not working in our relationship).

Very often, when it seems like you're fighting about an external conflict, you are really fighting about a relational or dynamic issue that you can't identify or about which you feel too vulnerable to bring up. So, the toothpaste argument might really be about not wanting to feel controlled by your spouse. Or the fight about where to spend Thanksgiving is more about wanting your husband or wife to chose you over their family of origin.

Don't be afraid of a good fight. It can simply be sparks flying as iron sharpens iron. But be careful to define the conflict. If you don't know what you're really fighting about, you can't resolve it.

This week's Time magazine cover explores how the roles of women have changed over the last generation. A woman working outside of the home (even after she has children) is now the norm. In fact, Time reports that in almost 40% of marriages, the wife is the primary wage earner.

This trend trickles down into many areas of marriage and parenting. But what I want to blog about today is that even with all of the opportunity, women are more unhappy (and far more stressed) today than they were in their parents' generation. I can relate. The balancing act of family and work takes its toll. There are many things I can ask my mom about, but not this. She was a full-time homemaker. How do I walk with integrity as a Christian woman, using my gifts in ministry, while still keeping my marriage and kids #1?

As a young married couple, you are setting patterns in your home that will constantly need to be tweaked and revisited, without the benefit of "doing it the way your parents did it." As you navigate through these decisions, here are a few tips I've learned along the way.

Although roles and opportunities have changed, a man and woman's basic needs in marriage have not. A husband still needs to feel like the protector and provider of the family and still needs to be respected as the leader of the home. If his wife is knocking the cover off the ball at work, his need for respect hasn't changed. While cheering for her, he may also feel threatened by her.

Likewise, a wife still needs to feel protected and valued in her marriage. She will not ultimately be happy with success at work if her primary relationships are failing. Although at first she might be grateful for the opportunity to pursue her career, eventually she will feel resentful if she must carry both burdens of the home and the financial health of the family.

In our marriage, we have had to constantly battle the temptation to work against God's design. Even if it would make financial sense for me to work full-time and for Mike's job to take second-fiddle, we've decided not to go that route because of the stress that would put on our relationship.

In your marriage, you might have to make some decisions that go against the grain. As you approach decisions about whose job takes priority and how to balance work/home responsibilities, begin with Biblical principles (like the husband is the head of the wife). Then be honest about your basic personal needs (like the husband needs to feel competent and respected). Finally, work out the details of how to make it happen.

Unfortunately, most young couples make decisions about work and finances based on "what makes sense" instead of looking at the facts through biblical and psychological truths. How you work out the roles in your marriage will change over time -- be flexible. But never compromise on time-tested principles.