Yesterday a newly-married friend and myself were discussing beauty and self-esteem. I asked her if her self-esteem had increased since she got married and she said that it had. "It's nice to have someone else appreciate your physical appearance," she said. There is a great freedom in feeling affirmed for your beauty after marriage. But what about the insecurities that persist?

Shortly after I got married, a conversation with my husband, illuminated one insecurity I was keeping close. Because I do not look like a model, I assumed (sub-consciously) that my husband was a saint for choosing someone of ordinary physical appearance like me. One day, I congratulated him on his excellent quality of seeing past the image of the fantasy woman and choosing me. He looked at me perplexed. "You are what I'm attracted to," he said. "You caught my attention because you are beautiful." Wow. I had been seeing myself as sub-attractive — someone who lucked out because my husband was willing to settle for less. But my husband found me beautiful from the start.

As my friend and I continued our conversation, something occurred to me. We bless our husbands when we believe them when they tell us we are beautiful. In Song of Songs, the man describes his beloved like this: "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens" (2:2). In the previous verse, we see how the man's praise has inspired the woman's confidence. Part of a husband's calling is to affirm his wife's beauty — physical and otherwise. And when we allow our husbands to do this — graciously receiving their praise — we encourage them in a god-given role. Giving into insecurities and feelings of ugliness, however, rob them of this satisfaction.

Just the other day, when we were visiting family in Florida, I refused to let Kevin carry me piggyback on the beach. My inner voice accused: You're too heavy! He'll have to put you down and then you'll be embarrassed. Kevin was disappointed. I wish I could say I overcame my insecurity that day, but I didn't. Still, there are the victories, where I refuse to be self-conscious for the benefit of our relationship. And it is a benefit.

So how do we as women fight our insecurities and feelings of ugliness? A big part of it comes in resisting the world's definition of beauty and "renewing the mind" (Romans 12:3). And if you feel accepted and affirmed by your husband rejoice in that and let him know how you appreciate it. Choose to believe you are beautiful and watch your relationship bloom.