Dr. Gary Smalley invited a couple of experts to offer six killer marriage tips.

A warning: It's a bit painful to watch.

I'm interested to hear your opinions about these tips. Have you found yourself using them with your spouse? If so, how did that work out for you?

Yesterday I noticed a humorous Facebook post from a friend. It said: "What Valentine's Day looks like after 46 years of marriage — my mom made a heart-shaped meatloaf covered with ketchup for lunch (or 'dinner' as they say on the farm in Iowa). Nice, if you like meatloaf (which my dad does)."

I recently heard of another couple who had been married for nearly five decades. "I feel loved by my wife," the man said, "because she brings me a cup of coffee every morning."

Wow. As a newlywed, I often think in terms of the big gestures when it comes to loving my husband — things like affirming conversations and celebrations. I don't always think about the small things that might make him feel cared for. I know for me, I feel loved when Kevin lets me park my car in our driveway (while he parks in a spot on the other side of our townhome complex). I feel cared for when he sends me an "I love you" text message during his morning break. And I even feel loved when he brings home my favorite latte. (He works at a coffee shop.)

Two weekends ago, I had to wake up hours before church on a Sunday morning to finish a freelance project. Though Kevin could have kept sleeping, he stumbled downstairs a few minutes later and made me pancakes. That is love.

What are the little things that you and your spouse do for each other? How do these "love habits" build your relationship?

My wife just went out with her girlfriends, for coffee and maybe a chick flick. "Wasn't an entire weekend of socializing enough?" I thought to myself. "Why does she need to be on the phone or with people all the time?"

I kept trying to ascribe personality defects to her hyper-social characteristics. We both began to feel "in-the-wrong" and frustrations escalated. She thought I never wanted to do anything. I felt she always wanted to do everything. Arrrrrg!

Was something wrong with me or with her? After all, I was "her man" now and could meet all her needs, right?

I kept trying, until I approached the outer limits of social combustion. Completely drained, I could not bear to go out and socialize anymore! I'd rather lick a poisonous toad or eat avocado (in all its green-mush-slim-like nastiness). I couldn't be her "All." Was I a failure or just inadequate?

She required too much social interaction and I could do no more! I wanted to crawl into a deep Siberian cave, hang upside down with the bats and not emerge until springtime. And my wife was ready to go again! "Wheeeeeee!" (Somebody, put me out of my misery!)

God's timing in marriage is uncanny. Just before I bought a plane ticket to the Bat Caves of Siberia, Gary Smalley came to town and spoke on animals -- or personality types. Each personality type, or "animal," has very different outward expressions and often contrary needs.

Click! The lights were coming on. The bats flew away, and we slowly began to unravel the mystery of who we had married. My wife -- this "animal" -- finally began to make sense!

Jen is an "Otter" -- an off-the-charts Otter! Relationships, people, socializing and quality time with others fill her social requirements and provide a place for her outgoing personality to express itself. Unceasing chatter is normal for her! I was relieved to realize that her "Otterness" was not a psychological disorder.

She's whimsical, spontaneous, passionate, slightly chaotic and constantly interacting. We've coined her always-present cell phone "The Otter Toy." She could care less about her keys, purse, car, aliens or anything else if people are present. Boundaries? What boundaries? Let's talk, talk, talk until 2:00 a.m.! Who cares?

Me? I tested as a high Lion (at work) with a touch of Retriever (at home). In the Lion world, justice reigns supreme, and we are bold, independent, adventurous and very boundary-oriented. Oh, and just a few close friends are all we need in our "pride." Lions also need some "cave time" alone, to recharge between social events, which tend not to be spontaneous (unlike the Otter World), are planned and predictable.

At home, humor, fun and consistency are important Retriever qualities. I have a set territory, and I'm very intentional, protective and loyal with my family. Overall, my wife and I are very different animals with very different needs.

Gary Smalley's over-simplified personality chart lists traits of Lions, Otters, Beavers and Golden Retrievers. These have helped us and other couples find out exactly "who" and "what" they married. Unraveling this mystery helps spouses understand each other's needs, embrace them and thrive.

Take this short test as a couple and learn what kind of "animal" you married!

Hey, gotta go! Jen and her girlfriends are back from their "Mega-Otter Social-Fest," and I've enjoyed some quiet "Lion" time -- alone. Too, I had some quality "Retriever" time with the kids. Now both of us are happy, and we both understand why!

Kevin and I recently shared a new experience — selecting cell phones. My position on a new phone is that choosing it is ultimately an inconvenience, because I'm used to my old phone. A new phone means I have to relearn where everything is and adjust to annoying new features. Before you think I sound old and out of touch, you should know that I have access to a computer and the Internet pretty much 24/7, so I don't use my phone for anything other than making calls and sending text messages.

When I go to get a new phone, I request something that is "most like" my old phone. This is usually a basic model that I end up getting for free. Kevin, on the other hand, loves new technology. He also has less daily computer access than I do, so he depends on his phone for e-mail. The upshot? He wanted a fancy phone (Droid, anyone?). Although, choosing our new phones went off without a hitch, I discovered something: Kevin places a much higher value on having the latest technology — even at a high cost — than I do. I'm satisfied with practical electronics; he wants cutting edge.

This made me think of my brother who is a worship pastor at a small church. He has an iPhone. He and his family scrimp and save in other areas so that he can have a super-cool phone (which he utilizes to the max). In addition, he uses the budget he controls to invest in high quality equipment to run his service with excellence. His choices to purchase what he considers essential new technology have occasionally come under scrutiny. "But I need these things to run a quality service," he says.

What about you? Do you and your spouse have different levels of appreciation for the newest gadgets? Do you think a case can be made for spending more at times to possess the latest technology? Apple is the perfect example of people paying more for gadgets that are cutting-edge, quality and just downright cool (in my opinion). And that's our generation. But I can see how technical differences could lead to technical difficulties. At this point I'm content to let Kevin enjoy the latest technology — even if my boring, old phone drops less calls.

Before heading to bed last night I peeked out the back window and saw snowflakes drifting through the cold night air, swirling and gently settling onto the lawn. For some reason, I just love snow. Makes me feel cozy.

I woke up this morning to find a fresh layer of icy white flakes blanketing my yard, softening and lightening my little landscape.

And that got me thinking about how God can have that kind of effect on me. He can wash me in His forgiveness, "and I shall be whiter than snow." And like the snow-covered landscape, I too can become softer, lighter.

Maybe that's why snow resonates so much with me. It makes all things new. Just like the Lord.

Last weekend, Mike and I took the boys skiing in Breckenridge. The first run of the day, we all five went up the same lift. At the top of the mountain, I asked Mike what run he thought we should go down. He said that he didn't care -- he would just follow me.

Off we went. I chose a blue run that had some mogels. Two of my kids love mogels. Halfway down the run, Mike and one of my sons (who are both learning to snowboard) had taken more than a few spills. They branched off to a different way down.

At the bottom of the mountain, Mike challenged my choice, "Why would you start out the day with mogels? We weren't even warmed up!" I responded, "You told me to pick the way down. Don't criticize my choice! Next time, you pick the route."

It got me thinking about all of the times I have done this to Mike. I ask him to lead spiritually, financially, in parenting, but then I critique and blast him for the choices he made. It's no fun to lead when you know you're going to catch heat if you make the wrong choice.

Perhaps that is why so many guys are leery of taking a leadership role in the marriage. The times they've tried, their wives have been right there, armchair quarterbacking. Eventually, he just throws his arms up in the air and says, "I'm done. You lead!"

I'd challenge you to have a conversation about this with your spouse. Wives, ask your husband if he's ever felt like I did at the bottom of that hill. Husbands, share with your wife what she can do to make leading feel safer than it does today!

Logging your take home pay and tracking your spending is one of the most financially healthy exercises you can undertake. There's something peaceful about knowing how much money you have, where it goes and living within your means.

My wife and I have a pretty simple budget philosophy. We keep the receipts for every purchase we make during the month and input the totals as quickly as we can so we don't forget.

Here's what our speadsheet of expenses looks like:

• Tithe
• Offering
• Mortgage
• Insurance-Life/Car
• Power/Utility
• Phone/Internet
• Groceries
• Savings
• Fuel
• Medical needs
• Home needs
• Auto needs
• Clothes
• Eating out
• Entertainment
• Misc./Gifts

The top half expenses are usually set amounts; the bottom half are a bit more flexible. So there's wiggle room if I need more for fuel or the power bill or a benevolence gift. After the month is up, total expenses usually equals net income (there are occasions when dipping into savings are necessary).

Another healthy benefit from keeping a budget is that your receipts reveal what you value most. To my shame, I'm constantly amazed at how quickly I run out of money for clothes, eating out and entertainment.