It happened again. I just found out that a couple I really respected got divorced ... just shy of a decade after marriage. Something about this kind of news has the tendency to produce panic in me. I am too aware of my own sin and weakness, and I think, If it happened to them ...

As I was grappling with this discouragement yesterday, God reminded me of His words — God has not given you a spirit of fear. This verse, 2 Timothy 1:7, says the following in the NIV: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." In pondering this verse, something occurred to me. God asks us to be on the offense in our lives, including our marriages. Defense would say, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to stand my ground against whatever Satan throws at my marriage." But in the 2 Timothy verse, Paul is advocating action ... true boldness. This would suggest that we should be on the offense for the sake of our marriages instead of waiting for trouble to come to them. Consider the three replacements for fear.

Power. We are not on our own when it comes to marital stress and strife. God's Spirit provides us with supernatural power to overcome. Romans 8:37 encourages: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Divorce is not inevitable for the Christian; God makes His power—the power that raised Jesus from the dead—available to His children. Even the most hopeless of circumstances can be redeemed and repaired through this incredible power.

Love. Instead of fearing what might happen to my marriage, I need to practice love. To do this, I look for every way possible to first love God and then love my husband. 1John 4:18 says: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." As I'm walking with the Lord and loving Him, I need not fear punishment—that the beautiful thing he has done in my life will suddenly crumble. That is not His way. And Satan would like to intimidate me with that fear.

Self-Discipline. This concept is translated in some versions as "a sound mind." This goes back to being on the offense. I do not need to be a slave to emotions or fleshly desires that might threaten my marriage. God has given me tools to overcome. One of those is self-discipline. Are you giving Satan a foothold to distract you from truth because you are too busy to spend time with God in His Word each day? Are bad habits and addictions tearing apart your relationship? This does not need to be. God offers us the ability to exercise self-discipline, to take the steps to protect our marriages. This may require strict accountability and a commitment to truth over feelings, but the payoff is well worth the effort. A few years ago, a male co-worker of mine would ask his female administrative assistant to look through all his graphic design mail and discard anything containing inappropriate images. My friend, the assistant, always admired this man's commitment to his marriage demonstrated through this small act of self-discipline.

Yesterday, I needed to hear this truth from the Lord. Just because people I admire and respect have suffered the pain and loss of a broken marriage, does not mean this has to be my fate. I don't have to wait in fear for my God-ordained romance to fall apart. Sure, Satan will want to pull it apart to detract from God's glory, but my loving Father offers me another way. Not a cowering, on-the-offense fear, but a godly charge of power, love and a sound mind. What a refreshing truth.