New years always make me want to simplify my life.

As a newlywed (since September), my guest room, garage, car, kitchen and closets are currently a disaster. [The picture depicts what happens when I actually clean—I learn that I have much more chapstick and dental floss than I need!] The main thing I want to do right now is spend quality time with my husband. However, there comes a time when you have to take care of other things. And Steve Watters brings this out in his article "Clear Decks." He talks about how one of his college professors, Dr. Hubert Morken, used the term "clear the decks" as a metaphor for good time management. Watters writes:

During a recent visit I asked him where he got that phrase. "It's an ancient term that told sailors to get ready for action," he explained. When the captain told them to clear the decks, they would stow their hammocks, put away any tables, chairs or other loose items and make sure there was nothing cluttering the deck. He made the connection to the need to clear out any clutter in his personal life that might keep him from being ready for action.

It was something that C.S. Lewis said that challenged him to apply "clear decks" to his use of time. "Lewis encourages us to do an inventory of our time. He says there are things we have to do — like working a job or parenting kids, things we ought to do like exercise or care for the needy and things we want to do like read or explore a hobby. The problem however, is that when we look closely it's astonishing how much we do that doesn't fit any of those categories." This motivated Dr. Morken to attack wasted time — to keep his decks clear for important things.

Attack wasted time. That's the main thing I need to do in the new year. Why is important to clutter-proof your life and be intentional with your time? Stewardship. If your time is filled with useless activity and a fog of things needing to get done, you will most likely miss opportunities for real service that God has for you. Watters concludes:

As you think about your own life, look for every opportunity to get rid of clutter — and perhaps even big, important things that have become obstacles — in order to be available for action and opportunity in God's kingdom. Whatever it is that might be holding you back, be willing to trust God's commands as the captain of your ship. You never know what adventures are ahead when he calls out to you, "Clear the decks!"

That's a worthy goal for the new year.

What is the big deal about celebrating Jesus' birth?

This is the question Joe Cassara asks in his essay "A Weary World Rejoices." He writes:

As Christian holidays go, Easter makes sense. Sure, the bunnies and eggs date back to a fertility goddess and pagan worship of life, but the celebration of Jesus risen from the dead is the date the fight was won, not the day the fighter was born.

Birth, he points out, isn't exactly an accomplishment. So why the big celebration? The significance of Christ's birth was finally illuminated to Cassara through some painful personal circumstances. After his wife's two miscarriages, he felt broken, shunned by God and unwilling to try again. Then:

Fast forward one year. Exactly one year. July 10th, 2009. My wife gave birth to twins. Natural twins. Not that I bought, but that we made, together. And so now I get it, I understand how a birth can be redemptive. How a birth from two broken people can heal pain, can turn many teary eyes toward God. I can be arrogant, but I'm not arrogant in this. What we wanted so badly, what we needed to heal us, came in the form of two babies. Hear me … we didn’t need babies to heal us, we needed to know that our God was trustworthy. I wonder why God wrote the rules in a way that two people need to get together in order to pop out a baby. He could have just made it so people crawl out of ocean at 11 years old, self-sufficient, no relationship between parents and children. But He didn't...

And so on Christmas, the day we've chosen to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I understand this year for the first time why a birth can be celebrated; why the farmers and prophets and businessmen back when Jesus was born were brought to their knees on his birthday. They were broken, run down and in real need of redemption that had been promised for thousands of years. And so Jesus’ birth was much more than the start of something ... it was the end of a long line of waiting.

Christ's birth was an answer to our need. His birth initiated the physical hope for salvation that ancient believers had been waiting for — and the hope we desperately need today. If you're broken, run down and in need of redemption this year ... rejoice! The Savior has come!

Juli Slattery offered some great advice in her post on choosing Christmas traditions. Because this is my first year married, my husband and I are experiencing this firsthand. I appreciate Juli's wisdom in saying just because you choose to do something one year, does not mean you will do it every year for the rest of your marriage.

I've discovered that moments of conflict with my husband most often arise from me being fearful of losing my rights. For example, if we spend Christmas with my husband's family, is he (or they) getting exactly what they want while I lose something? If I give an inch, will someone take a mile?

I've struggled with these kinds of feelings. But I believe holding so strongly to my rights is not what God has for me. My desire to have quality time with my husband, create new traditions and see my own family is not wrong; but my "Am I getting what I deserve?" motives are. Those feelings may be human, but they are not representative of Jesus:

"Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross!" (Phil. 2:6-8)

Jesus did not cling to His rights as God. Neither should I cling to my rights. As I thought about this, I softened some of my expectations for the Christmas holiday. I told my husband that what was most important to me was that we have some quality time together — just the two of us. But beyond that, we could be flexible with the details.

Juli mentions the perspective of the parents. They are people loved by God — and in many cases people who have raised wonderful children — who are adjusting to the new horizon of children out of the home and married. Instead of seeing them as a potential threat to my own agenda, I need to realize that maybe they need an extra dose of love and encouragement. And I could be the one to give it, if I refuse to be controlled by my selfish desires.

I am not saying that boundaries are not necessary — they are. But think about the motive behind creating the boundary. I believe sometimes human-made boundaries get in the way of God's work. Decide what you need to fight for, and then choose to be a blessing to whomever crosses your path this Christmas.

It's clear that those who have a good deal of money tend not to be as acutely aware of their need for the Lord. Which often makes it difficult for them to turn to Him for salvation.

But Scripture is clear that some people are rewarded for their obedience with financial wealth. Those who are faithful with little are given more. Some of Jesus' disciples were rich, after all.

And that means that the accumulation of wealth is not inherently a bad thing.

I, for one, appreciate rich people. I tuned into a show last night that featured the homes of the very wealthy. The artwork and craftsmanship was stunning. It made me starkly aware of the potential that people have to create beautiful work. If it weren't for these wealthy individuals, artists and craftsmen wouldn't have had the funds to produce such beauty.

I think about works of art through the centuries -- paintings, carvings, music, and the like -- that wouldn't exist were it not for wealthy patrons. And I'm grateful for their contributions.

Earlier this week I was reminded how Boundless, Focus on the Family's ministry for young adults, began. A wealthy individual had a vision for a publication that would encourage 20-somethings toward intentional, godly living. And in 1998 he wrote a check for $100,000 to get things started. I'm grateful for his contribution.

Yes, there are many rich people who are entirely selfish, who use their money to subjugate and oppress others, to insulate themselves from the needs of those around them. They may even get their money at others' expense or through immoral means.

But there are many others who have been financially blessed for whatever reason, and who use their money to improve the world around them. And I do not resent them for their money; that's the knee-jerk response schismatic demagogues like Marx would want me to have. No, I am grateful for their contribution to the beauty and edification of this world.

I appreciate rich people.

(I should add that I really struggled to find an image to accompany this blog post. Most of the ones I found online represented wealthy people as self-obsessed phonies who made, and spent, their money in unethical ways. Sigh.)

A while ago Boundless author Thabiti Anyabwile wrote some suggestions on "How Not to Lose Your Faith in College." While the entire article is helpful for college students in particular, one word of advice, "Choose your friends with biblical criteria in view," struck me as especially insightful for those in any stage of life, including married couples. Here's an excerpt:

Though we talk about "making friends," few people really set out to "make" them. However, intentional cultivation of friendships may make all the difference between a rich college experience and one filled with frustration, alienation, broken relationships, and other kinds of pains. Since most adults look back on their college days as the time when they discovered lifelong friends, being intentional at this point is fairly important.

Sometimes we can take the romantic view that friendships "just happen." But more often than not, I've found that meaningful friendships have to begin with intentionality, by identifying someone who you'd like to have as a friend. A good place to find those people is at church.

For example, my wife and I've just begun attending a new small group at church. There are four other couples in the group and, though we've just met them, I can't help but think of them as friends that I just don't know well yet. The context -- a group of Christians in a similar season of life, each person interested in growing in godliness and sharing their lives -- is bound to facilitate rich friendships.

Everyone wants friends. I do. And so I am intentional in seeking them out, in this case at church. How do you make friends?

My husband and I love children's ministry. It's one of the things the first drew us together. In fact, it was the wordless book bracelet I was wearing -- a children's ministry tool -- that caught my husband's interest and caused him to strike up a conversation with me at Starbucks. Both of us have taught children since we were teenagers. So when we were offered the opportunity to teach the fifth and sixth grade Sunday school class at our church this past Sunday, we were excited about the opportunity.

As we set to work developing the lessons, planning how we would deliver it and assigning duties, unexpected frustrations began to crop up. I like to envision point B, the finished product -- in all its excellence and glory -- and then carefully plan every step to get there. Kevin prefers to take in the teaching material in a more comprehensive manner and then formulate point B on the spot. But we were unaware of this big style difference going into the project.

And so it happened that I ended up in tears on Sunday morning as the friction of our varying styles ignited. There was a trench coat (for our dectective skit) that needed to be ironed at the very last moment, and we were rushing out of the house to print out the needed small group leader guides. I felt out of control because so many details were yet unfinalized, and my husband, who thrives on creating in the last moment, couldn't understand my angst.

On the way to church, after we had planned enough to pull me out of panic mode, we talked about what an odd "problem" we had. Both of us are gifted teachers, and yet we achieve the same end through very different means. And once the two styles adjust to one another, they are very complementary. Kevin has a talent for the impromptu that I lack, and my interest in a well-planned message and delivery only stengthens the finished product.

At first blush, our personality differences were a problem, but upon closer inspection, we see that they actually make us a great team.

Kevin apologized for unwittingly causing me to panic and said, "I want to set you up for success." And that is the basis of true cooperation -- setting one another up to succeed. How do personality differences between you and your spouse strengthen what you can do together? What ways have you found to work together?

My baby daughter awoke and began crying, so I walked in to her room to see how I could help.

After checking her diaper and giving her a bit of bottle, I set her back in her crib. She was still whimpering a bit, so I began to sing gently over her. As I stroked her head and sang of Christ's love for her, and her parents' love for her, she quieted and drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

As I sang over her.

Walking back to my room I found myself stunned at this revelation: Just as her papa sang peace over her, so my Papa sings peace over me. Never in my 37 years as a single guy had this truth been so vividly revealed. Never before had I gotten such a vision of the fatherly love God has for me.

The Lord has many blessings for those in their single years. But some He reserves for the married-with-children years.

I have a confession to make. Are you ready? Okay here goes: I write out my grocery list while our pastor is preaching nearly every Sunday morning.

It isn't that my pastor is boring or that I don't like his preaching; he isn't and I do. It's just that about the time he finishes his introduction (which is usually about 10 or 15 minutes) I'll remember that I'm out of garbanzo beans and consequently I'll also remember that I need cumin too. So I'll take the little communication card out of the bulletin and write just those two things down. But then a billion other items pop into my head and I figure that I might as well write those down too. My husband Brian gives me pointed looks when he sees me doing this, so I have to be pretty covert about it.

I know I'm being a bad listener when I do it, and I feel guilty for a few minutes but then I forget about it and repeat the same scenario the next week.

Yesterday Tim Challies had a good word for me and all you other closet during-church-grocery-list-makers out there in his blog post "Being a Diligent Listener." He begins by posing some good questions about our responsibility to participate in the sermon

While a pastor bears great responsibility in preparing for and delivering the Word of God each Sunday, the listener shares in the responsibility. The church has no place for an audience. We are all to be involved in the preaching, even as listeners. We may drive home on Sunday muttering about the pastor’s lack of preparation after a less-than-engaging sermon, but how often do we drive away reflecting on our own lack of preparation? How often should we trace our lack of learning or our lack of engagement right back to our own lack of preparation?

By making my grocery list I'm tuning in and out of the sermon the same way I would a dull lecture or a bad theater performance. My pastor, while a great speaker, is not orating to entertain me. He's preaching God's word to equip the saints and so to build up the church, Christ's body. When I think about it this way, if I'm not diligently listening to God's word preached I'm eventually going to become a sickly, or at least weak, part of our church's body.

As Challies points out, the problem probably isn't so much my attention span as it is my lack of preparation. For the last seven weeks we've been leaving for church an hour and a half earlier to attend the new members class. And with each week I've gotten up a little later and have let my Sunday morning Bible reading go. My husband prays on our drive to church and lately that's been the only preparation I've had for Sunday worship.

I'm thankful that God is tendering my heart about all of this and I know I've got some repenting to do about how I approach Sunday worship. And because God desires true repentance from his children, not just vain guilt like I've been offering up about the grocery list, I'm making a plan for how I can be more prepared for the preaching of God's word this coming week.

Here a couple of the things I've thought of:

• Since my church is preaching through the book of Philippians, I'm going to read Philippians on Saturday and Sunday and break from what I'm reading in the Bible the rest of the week.
• Talk to my husband about setting aside time at breakfast on Sunday morning to pray for our pastor, small group leader and members, and church as a whole.

Challies also has some great suggestions to prepare for and apply our pastor's sermons. I'd love to hear how you prepare your heart as well. What are some things that you do alone and with your spouse in preparation for Sunday?

What's the difference between Christians and canoes? Canoes tip.

Anyone who's ever waited tables at some point in their lives usually ends up being a good tipper. The same is true for me. I have no trouble leaving generous tips because I know too well the low hourly wage of waitstaff. I actually enjoy big tipping. Other Christians, however, seem to have trouble letting go of the extra dollar or two that would make for a decent gratuity.

ThinkChristian blog has a good read on Christians and tipping, responding to a hyperbolic (but true) statement about legendary Christian cheapskatedness.

I recently encountered [a] blog post by Christian psychologist Richard Beck. He writes, provocatively, "The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth." He admits that he exaggerates, but I agree with him that he has a point.

Though I’ve never been a restaurant server, I’ve seen this complaint before: the after-church crowd are rude, demanding and stingy. Ever since I heard about this, I’ve become more conscious of the way I treat service workers. My sense of Sabbath makes me feel a little guilty about eating out on Sundays at all, but I’ll admit I do it anyway, sometimes in large groups. These large group, split the check situations are notorious for tipping problems, it’s complicated math, you think maybe somebody else will make up for you if you short the bill a little.

I'll bet if you listen closely, you can hear the whisper of a collective groan every Sunday afternoon rising from restaurants across America saying, "the after-church crowd." So before you head off to the Golden Corral remember the Golden Rule: "Do to others what you would have them do to you." And as for tipping, I won't go into Scripture on this subject. There really isn't any. It's just that God is so generous to us. And that makes me want to be generous too.

I found myself on a singles discussion board the other day, reading an entry from a young man who shared the following:

I am male. I am single. I've always been shy, but I've improved. I've gotten to where I can actually talk to beautiful women.

However, there's one particular woman in the Singles group at church who is extremely beautiful, and manages to turn my brain into mush. If I try to talk to her, I end up saying/doing something stupid. Any suggestions?

While I can relate to his situation, I think we're harmed by using the innocuous word "shy." Such a term is not biblical, and so biblical counsel on how to overcome "shyness" can't be found, leaving this man with little hope.

The biblical term for this young man's feeling of insecurity is "fear of man" -- an anxiety about what others will think of you if you say or do something. The "antidote" for fear of man, now that we've identified the term, is simple: fear God instead. Consider the dangers of "fear of man":

The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

Now consider the rewards of "fear of God":

Behold, thus shall the man be blessed
who fears the LORD. (Psalm 128:4)

The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)

When Scripture speaks of fearing God, it's encouraging us to value God's opinion of us rather than the mere opinions of other people. If God is leading you to say or do something, then when you say or do those things, you are the recipient of His favor. No reason to fear man when the Lord is smiling on you; after all, when the Lord is on your side, what can man do to you?

Let me encourage you to reconsider the "shyness" that might be evident in your own life. Instead of claiming that you can't say or do something because you're "shy," confess that you're "fearing man" and pray that the Lord change your heart to instead fear Him. And He will reward your faithfulness.

Ladies, a silent parasite sapping contentment from your marriage just may be comparing your husband to your father.

If you came from a relatively healthy home environment, dad was probably the "go to guy" for you. He met your needs financially and seemed equipped to handle just about any problem that came down the pipe. Even though your husband may be a very solid guy, he's got a lot of catching up to do with your dad. Chances are, he's in an entry level job, trying to save up to buy a house or a reliable car. He's still unsure about who he is an what he does well. He may lack the maturity to make confident decisions for your young family.

Unfortunately, you don't have the ability to see what your dad was like when he was 25 or 30. I can guarantee you that he didn't have the maturity, financial security, wisdom and confidence that he has now. Just ask your mom.

You married your husband because you saw character and strength in him that you believe in. With your support and encouragement, his ability to lead you and care for you will grow in time. Your husband knows that he can't provide for you right now (financially or emotionally) like dad could. That might be a real sore spot for him. Be deliberate in making that transition from "daddy's girl" to a wife who has full confidence in her husband -- in who he is today and who he is becoming.

After reading Suzanne's "taco" post, I just chuckled. I don't think anything caused more tension in my first year of marriage than dinner. When we got married, I was practically a vegetarian (a little obsessive) and Mike was a burger and milkshake type guy. Add to that combination the fact that I really didn't have a clue how to cook, and you can imagine that stress and tears were a frequent event around the topic of dinner. Here are some tips that have helped us make it through and find peace:

• Find out what works for you and what is important for your husband. Mike is a pretty simple eater. He's thrilled (even to this day) if I make grilled cheese and canned tomato soup (we had it last night, as a matter of fact) or bfd (breakfast for dinner). He'd much rather have a simple dinner to his liking than a gourmet feast that he has to pretend to like. Get over preconceived ideas that the more time you spend cooking, the better wife you are. Lowering expectations will keep you eating in a lot more. It actually takes longer to go out (or pick up food) than it does to make eggs, bacon and a smoothie.

• Have emergency meals in the freezer. There are going to be those days where finding food is the last thing you want to think about at 5:30 p.m. Emergency meals are what you pull out on those days. I always have frozen spaghetti sauce or frozen chili in the freezer for such a time as this. Just make extra and freeze it when you actually have the time and energy to cook.

• Cut yourself some slack. There are seasons of life (and marriage) where you just can't find the energy to run to the grocery store or cook. If you budget for that, don't feel guilty going out or picking something up. When you cook for two, picking up a couple of subs or tacos might even be cheaper than cooking.(That, of course, will change with kids - especially boys!)

• Get a crockpot and crockpot recipes. I have about 10 recipes where I throw everything in the crockpot in the morning (takes 10 minutes) and dinner is ready when I get home. One, for example, throw a pork tenderloin in with some bbq sauce. When you get home, pull apart the meet with a fork and you have awesome bbq pork sandwiches.(Yeah, I'm not a vegetarian anymore).

• Finally, focus on what really matters. Food is important because of nutrition. Dinner is important to relationship. As long as you are eating healthy, staying within your budget and making meal time with your husband a priority, don't sweat it and don't compare your situation to what other families are doing.

While we were at my in-laws for Thanksgiving my mother-in-law gave me a giant box of my husband's Christmas ornaments dating back to his first Christmas. She also threw in some other decorations that she doesn't use anymore like a "Charlie Brown" type Christmas tree, a wreath, two strands of white lights and 10 ft of aspen swag. I hadn't planned on purchasing Christmas decorations this year since we'll be moving soon, but her hand-me-down decorations ignited my inner decorator.

The next day I woke up to a living room full of unorganized Christmas decorations and being a little Type A, I went immediately to work sorting and planning. My husband Brian had to spend the day working on an assignment for school, so I told myself I would only get things organized and would wait for him to really decorate. But being Type A it's hard to start a job and not finish it, so I did "a little more" and "a little more" until there was nothing left to do.

I vacuumed up the tree needles and looked around at my work. The decorations were fine and the living room was clean again, but I had a sinking feeling that I had missed out on something special. I had just decorated for our first Christmas together alone.

When we were engaged I was convicted that I prized efficiency more than Brian. Since then I've learned that loving my husband is worth a little wasted time. (For example, drinking coffee with him in the morning instead of cleaning up the breakfast dishes or running errands together that I could easily have run by myself.) But this thing with the tree was the first time that I felt I'd missed out because of my own efficiency.

Brian came home that evening saying how great the Christmas tree looked and how cozy the apartment felt all lit up. He doesn't particularly like decorating, so he was fine to just enjoy my work. But I knew what decorating could have been. We could have listened to Bing Crosby and drank hot chocolate while Brian told me about his childhood ornaments. It probably wouldn't have been magical, but I'm sure it would have been special nonetheless.

I said that this is the first time I've missed out because of my sick need love for efficiency, but the more I reflect on it I think I miss out a lot. This Christmas as I continue to look for ways to steward my time welI, I'm also keeping an eye out for opportunities to "waste" some time with my husband.

I watched Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" with my kids last night. It's one of my favorites. In addition to the great narration by Boris Karloff, the clever rhymes and Thurl Ravenscroft's excellent "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," it's a perfect illustration of successful example evangelism.

We see old Grinch sitting at the top of his mountain bemoaning all the "noise, noise, noise" that is to come Christmas morning from Whos down in Who-ville. He'd endured it for 53 years and he'd had enough. So he set out to crash their party by stealing all their goodies down to the last crumb. And as we all know, that's exactly what he did.

But the Whos were true believers. Instead of wailing about all their lost stuff (as the Grinch had expected) the Whos came out singing praises. And it puzzled the Grinch's puzzler to be sure. At that moment, you can actually see the Holy Spirit speaking to the Grinch's spirit about the true meaning of Christmas, Emmanuel.

The rest is history. The Grinch is saved and with the power of the Holy Spirit, he lifts up a 1,000 pound sleigh full of Who-goodies, returns everything miraculously by sledding down a mountain with a grade of about 70 percent and breaks bread with the very forgiving Whos. I mean, this used to be a guy who nobody would touch with a 39 and half foot poll. Beautiful.

I also like Charlie Brown's conversion in "A Charlie Brown Christmas." (And I didn't appreciate it being bumped by President Obama last night.) This story is about the power of God's Word to save. The whole show Charlie walks around feeling all empty inside when he's supposed to be feeling happy. And then, after enduring his usual beat-down from the Peanuts gang, he yells out to God in desperation, "Is there anyone who can tell me what Christmas is all about?"

Well, God answered. Child evangelist Linus Van Pelt begins quoting Scripture to the ol' block head and what do ya know, Charlie gets it. Like with the Grinch, you can actually see the conversion. And it ends with Charlie skipping off with a big smile on his face and Luke 2:11-12 ringing in his head.

I like the other Christmas specials too, but they seem to have a bit too much Santa and not enough Jesus.