When my hubbie and I had been married about two years, our Sunday School class went through a book called His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

"This book was written to educate you in the care of your spouse," Harley writes in the introduction. He then goes on to list (from his experience as a marital counselor) the five main needs of a husband and the five main needs of a wife. That book was really eye opening for me -- in many ways. But one of the "takeaways" that I have to this day was Harley's number two need of a husband: a recreational companion.

Harley writes:

"It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching movies they would never have chosen on their own. After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. I consider that option very dangerous to a marriage, because men place suprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. The TV stereotypes paint the opposite picture, showing husbands out with the boys on fishing trips saying, 'It doesn't get any better than this.' My counseling files say it can get a lot better. In fact, among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband."

Something about that really connected with me. As I looked back over our dating time and early marriage, I could see that my hubbie seemed to get energized when we shared recreational moments together. So, I began to try to be intentional about that.

It wasn't always easy. I didn't play golf, he did. So we had several "driving range dates" where he would teach, I would try and we'd laugh a lot. He played basketball, I didn't. But I made sure that I was at every league game he played. We both liked football, so we got season tickets to our alma mater. Even just walking together in the evenings proved fruitful. I started to realize that we had as many (if not more) great talks doing things "side by side" as we did sitting down "face to face."

When kids came along, it became a little bit more of a challenge. But, even then, we bought a garage sale hiking backback and a jogging stroller and hit the trails. Or I would bring a toddler and a baby along with me to those basketball games. Or we will get a babysitter to go do a couples scramble golf night. (Love the "scramble" concept, can I just say? Way less pressure!)

My husband too, has made an effort to take on a few of my interests. There is some musical theatre he just can't stomach, but he took me to see the national tour of Wicked this last summer and we both really enjoyed it.

Currently, I'm learning to appreciate the ins and outs of fantasy football. Sometimes I cheer on his players. Sometimes I'll give him reports in between Sunday chores ("Hey, hon, Adrian just scored a touchdown!"). Sometimes I just fall asleep with him on the couch as he watches. But it all works -- and I know he appreciates that I am willing to share that with him.

Below is a picture of us recreating last weekend. We rented a cabin a few hours away from our home and spent time hiking and enjoying the views with our two kids.

In For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn quotes one husband who says, "The woman having fun with her husband is incredibly attractive. If you see a woman out playing golf with her husband, I guarantee that all the other guys are jealous. Getting out and having fun together falls off in marriage because of various responsibilities, but men still want to play with their wives."

Harley writes it this way in his book, "The couple that plays together, stays together."

For my marriage, I've found that to be good advice.