A number of you had comments and questions about my last blog post. Specifically, you asked what scriptures give guidance on marital roles and how they play out in the real life of marriage. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) there are no specific teachings like, "wives should do the dishes and laundry." What we have instead are guidelines that we must use to apply to our own situations. Here are some basic teachings from scripture (but remember that I am a psychologist, not a theologian!):

• In Genesis, the curse related to men is work-oriented, women relationship and family-oriented.
• Proverbs 31 describes a woman who is devoted to her husband and children but is still involved in commerce and ministry.
• We see throughout the old testament a patriarchal society, yet there are "wise women," prophetesses and even a female judge mentioned.
• In Paul's teachings, he emphasizes that the husband is the head of the home, should take care of his wife,  and the woman is to play a supportive role to his leadership (Col. 3 and Eph. 5). In Titus, he tells older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children and to be busy at home. In I Thessalonians, Paul encourages men to provide for their families.
• I Peter 3 again emphasizes the role of a husband as leader/head and wife as supportive of his leadership.

Scripture does not say that men must be the primary financial providers or that women cannot work outside the home. But it does say that men are responsible for the family's well-being and provision.  It also says that wives should make decisions about work and other things, under the leadership of their husbands.

Culturally, biologically, psychologically and biblically, it is assumed that the woman is primarily oriented toward her husband and children (relationships) and that the man is primarily oriented outward (toward work, leadership and ministry). Within this, a man and a woman are given great freedom to work out how their family operates.

I think it's really difficult to do this in a culture that has rejected most standards and expectations, and which has few models. Part of me longs for the good old days. Yet, I also rejoice to live in a time when I could earn a doctorate degree and use my gifts and passions to impact the kingdom. How about you?